Love Me, Love Me Not
by Tutorial Girl
Summary: Can one moment really change everything? After a fight with Nathan, Haley wishes they never met. She wakes up in a world where Nathan beat Lucas in the one on one game. But can true love triumph twice? Or is this too much to overcome? Naley, obviously
1. Nothing Left to Fight For

A/N: So this is my first OTH fanfic (though not my first fanfic, I am quite experienced in that field). The beginning takes place during Season Five, so four years after high school, and the rest takes place…well, you'll just have to read on and find out.

* * *

"Mommy, when I get older, will you marry me?"

Haley laughed as she stroked her little boy's head of black hair. "I promise I will if you promise never to sneak around with any cheerleaders."

Jamie stuck out his tongue in response. "Ehw!"

"I hope you still feel that way in ten years," Haley said, kissing her four-year-old son on the forehead. "All right, you get some rest, Jamie. You have a big party to go to tomorrow. Remember, Uncle Luke is going to come pick you up to take you and Daddy's going to pick you up."

"Really?!" Jamie asked, his eyes lighting up. "Mommy, that's so cool! I told all my friends about how Daddy played basketball and they didn't believe me but they'll believe me for sure when they see him!"

"That's right, baby," she said, running a hand down his cheek.

"Oh, stop it," he said, swatting her away.

"Now, just a minute ago, you were asking me to marry you," she teased.

He didn't respond, taking on a much more serious expression. "Is Daddy going to come tell me night?"

Haley's heart dropped a bit at the hopefulness etched on her child's face. "I think he's in the family room, Jamie, but if you want, I'll stay here with you 'til you fall asleep."

Looking disappointed, he nodded in response. Haley knew there was no use in trying to pry Nathan from his spot on the armchair to get him to come in and tell Jamie goodnight. He would insist Jamie was being a baby. She felt pain in her heart as she sat, watching her little boy loll into a slumber. Getting up, she softly closed the door behind her and retreated to the bathroom just off the hall leading into the family room. Halfway through brushing her teeth, she remembered she still hadn't yet told Nathan that he was going to have to pick up Jamie.

"Nathan!" Haley called. "I need you to pick Jamie up from that party he's going to tomorrow. I'm tutoring a few students tomorrow after class who need extra help and Luke is dropping him off but then he's guest lecturing at the university."

When no response came, Haley stuck her head out of the bathroom, toothbrush still in mouth, to look at Nathan in his usual spot in the armchair in front of the TV with a bottled beer in his hand. "Nathan! Did you hear me?"

"Whatever, Haley," he said, putting the bottle back up to his lips.

"Dammit, Nathan!" She took the toothbrush she was holding and threw it into the sink, seriously contemplating shoving something up his ass.

His expression barely changed as he quirked an eyebrow at her. He took another gulp of his drink.

"Don't you sit there and stare at me like I'm some sort of a crazy person!" Haley yelled, exiting their bathroom. "I'm asking you to do something, you're totally unresponsive and you haven't gotten off your lazy ass in three weeks to fix the sink in _our_ bathroom so I don't have to brush my teeth in the family room!"

"What do you want from me, Haley?" he asked, finally stringing together a complete sentence.

"What do I want? What do I want from you? I want you to get off your ass, quit feeling sorry for yourself because you aren't playing your precious basketball anymore, fix my sink, and pick up our son from a party. Hell, acknowledge our son!"

"I can't do that, Hales."

She put her hand on her hip incredulously. "What do you mean you can't do that?"

"I can't pick up Jamie from that party. I have plans for tomorrow."

"Oh, yeah? What do these plans include? Is it sitting around watching highlights of old basketball games or going out to some bar and getting drunk?"

Nathan shrugged. "Either, or."

Haley's temper went over its bursting point. Her first instinct was to scream as loudly as she could but she contained herself for Jamie's sake. She already knew he had been hearing Nathan and her fight some nights and she did not want to trouble her little boy anymore than she had to. So, she calmly turned back into the bathroom, picked up her toothbrush and walked back out to where Nathan was sitting, his eyes having glazed back over.

"This is it, Nathan."

"What?" he asked, disinterestedly.

Her anger was being replaced by sadness and she slowly wiped away at her eyes. Nathan, the love of her life, the man she had promised to be with forever, _her_ Nathan, wouldn't even look at her.

"Tomorrow I'm packing up Jamie's and my bags and we're leaving."

Nathan finally unglued his eyes from the tv. "What?"

"You heard me," she whispered, her voice choked with the tears flowing down her face.

"Haley." Nathan got up from his chair and walked over to stand in front of her. "Don't-"

"Don't what?"

"Please don't do this to me. Not on top of everything else. Don't leave me alone. I need you; I need you and Jamie more than ever."

Haley crossed her petite arms over her chest. "You say that now. But you've said it before. I've been putting up with this shit for months now. I can't take it anymore. And I sure as hell am not going to make Jamie sit by and watch us fall apart. I shudder to think of him seeing his father like this. And I just can't do it anymore. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't even get you to do one small favor. When I talk to you, Nathan-" She choked on the words she was about to say and had to look away from him- "you don't even look at me."

"Hales…" He reached his arm out and she instinctively backed away, knowing a simple touch from him could lessen her resolve. Looking into his hurt eyes as his arm fell back by his side she remembered how long ago it had been since he had even tried to touch her and her pain doubled. Nathan ran his hand through his unkempt hair, his blue eyes sparkling as though he might cry. "Where will you go?"

"Lucas'. Brooke's. Wherever; I don't know. I just know I can't be here anymore."

"Is this it, Haley? Is this our marriage? After everything we've been through together."

Haley felt so frustrated, she wanted to scream. This was the last thing she wanted in the world, but she honestly didn't know what else was left for her to do. "Through all of that you never became this hollow shell of a person I see now. If I'd have known I would have to see you like this, I think I'd preferred just to have never met you."

"Fine, you go ahead. You leave. It won't be the first time," Nathan said, raising his voice. He turned his back away from her, mainly to hide the tears welling up behind his cold facade.

Haley still stood staring at his back. "You still haven't said it."

"What?" Nathan spat, not turning to look at her.

"You haven't asked one thing about seeing Jamie. You haven't begged me not to take him. Nothing. You know, you may have forgotten how you once felt about me, but dammit, that's your son! The one with the black hair and blue eyes who wants to be just like his daddy! Who are you?!"

He turned to face her, his eyes once again completely devoid of emotion. "I'm nothing anymore, Haley. You're right; you would have been better off if you'd never met me."

Haley turned toward their bedroom as a sob left her lips and fell onto their bed, crying. More than anything, she had wanted him to tell her that she was all he wanted. That their family was all he wanted. But he hadn't said that and more importantly, he hadn't shown that. Deep down inside, where her heart was breaking in two, she wondered if maybe she would have been better off if she had never met Nathan Scott.

On the other side of the door, Nathan sat with his back to the bedroom door, knowing she was only ten feet away. His head was buried down in his hands and his heart ached as he heard the woman he loved in the other room crying. He wished he could go back and remind her of that boy he used to be. However selfish and arrogant, she never would have wished to have not met him. She loved him. "Don't leave me, Hales," he whispered. He took his beer and brought it to his lips but before he drank a sip, he took the bottle and threw it across the room.

Much later in the night, after she had heard their front door slam, she was finally falling asleep. The sound of her phone ringing jolted her back to reality before she'd even entered a full-on slumber. She reached out, eyes still closed, to answer it, hoping it didn't wake Jamie. "Hello."

"Hales?"

* * *

A/N: I know you're thinking, 'Great, you started off with a fight between everybody's favorite couple' but I promise this is not the tone of the rest of this story. This is just the setup so we can get the ball rolling. Also, I don't intend for all the chapters to be this short. 


	2. Where Did You Wake Up?

A/N: Wow, guys, thanks for the amazing feedback on the first chapter. The reviews were absolutely awesome, and I had quite a few hits to my profile, so I'm hoping some other people read and enjoyed it too. Here's the second chapter. I hope you enjoy.

* * *

"Lucas?" Haley questioned, rolling over in her bed. Before she could stop herself, she had rolled right off. She hit the ground hard and opened her eyes. She looked around, thoroughly confused.

"Hales? Did you just fall out of bed?" Lucas asked, laughing lightly in her ear.

Haley didn't respond because she her mind was too busy taking in the sight of the room she was in. The walls were plain white but adorned with pictures of her and Lucas, various family members, and a few people she did not recognize at all. There was a large bookcase pulled up against the wall adjacent to her and over it, hung a banner proudly spelling out 'Duke University.' She looked back at her bed and immediately knew why she had fallen off; it was a single bed and hers at home was a queen size. The bed had royal blue sheets that coincided with her Duke banner. She rubbed her eyes out and tuned back into Lucas on the phone.

"Are you there?" he asked again.

"Oh-yeah, I'm here. Luke, what's going on?" she said, looking back for a moment at the phone in her hand. The phone in her and Nathan's room was black and this one was white.

"Sorry, didn't mean to wake you up, Sleeping Beauty," he went on, still finding something about this situation humorous.

"Did you have something to do with this?" she accused.

"Do with what?" he asked, innocently. "Listen, Haley, sorry but I don't have time to talk. Just, can you go in the kitchen and see if my i.d. is on the counter? I think I left it there and I'm going to be completely screwed if I can't find it."

Deciding not to argue, she got up and went to the door on her left. Opening it, she saw a bathroom with walls the same colors as the one in the bedroom. Shaking her head, she ventured to the second door in the room and saw it led out into a hallway. She followed the hallway down the direction that didn't lead to a dead end and found herself in a spacious common room that was split by a counter into a den and a kitchen. She walked up to the counter and saw a breakfast laid out with a cute little note written in Lucas' scrawl reading, 'Love ya, bff.' Smiling into the phone, she asked, "Luke, did you make me breakfast?" As confused as ever, she still felt a rush of affection for her best friend.

"Yeah, thank me later. Is my i.d. next to that note I wrote?"

"Oh, sorry. No, it's not here."

"Well, can you check next to the stove?"

Haley twirled around and walked over to the countertop stove. Next to it laid a University of North Carolina i.d. with a picture of Lucas and the name Lucas Scott written across the top. "Yeah, it's here."

"Thanks, buddy," he replied, sounding relieved. "Well, I'll be home in a couple of hours. Enjoy your breakfast."

"Lucas, wait!" she shouted, but he had already hung up the phone.

She pushed the end button on her phone and nearly threw it onto the ground. She knew none of this made any sense, but she just couldn't shake the feeling that it was all real. And that was what made the least sense of all.

Walking back through the apartment, she could see touches of her in all of the decorations. There was no shortage of pictures of her and Lucas around, either. Everything was so surreal. She knew that this had to be where the two of them lived together. There was no other explanation. Everything was laid out exactly the way she would have laid it out. She tiptoed back into the room that she had woken up in and continued to look through it. What she couldn't wrap her head around was why there were no pictures of anyone she knew besides Lucas. Despite spending most of her childhood with just her best friend, she had made other friends. And then there was Nathan…

Shaking her head, she thought back to her last encounter with Nathan. She remembered how she had felt the night before; how she had told him that she would be leaving him this very morning.

Only it wasn't_this_ morning. And she wasn't in her house. And Nathan wasn't here, nor was her son.

She felt a slight surge of panic go through her as she remembered Jamie. She ran back into the kitchen and dialed Nathan's cell number into the wireless phone as quickly as possible.

It rang only once and went straight to a woman's cool voice: '_We're sorry. The number you have dialed is no longer in service. Please hang up and-_'

After Haley hung up, her eyes scanned the common room again. She spotted a picture next to the loveseat that was the focal point of the room. She ran over to it and picked it up in her hands. The picture was of Lucas and her at their graduation from Tree Hill High. It had clearly been taken after graduation, as they both had diplomas in hand and had unzipped the front of their blue graduation robes. She swallowed deeply as she realized that in the picture, she was clearly _not_ pregnant.

She replaced the picture on the side table and fell back onto the couch. She distractedly ran her left hand through her hair before being struck with a thought. She held her hand out in front of her. There on her fourth finger sat her beautiful rings. She sighed in relief at finally seeing something that made sense. In fact, everything she was wearing from the night before seemed to be exactly as she left it.

After her moment of joy, she let fear overtake her again. There was only one thing left for it: she must have finally completely lost it. The stress over fighting with Nathan had made her go crazy. Now, she was seeing apartment buildings, hearing Lucas, and imagining new identities. She lied down and closed her eyes, hoping when she opened them, she'd be back in her room.

Much later, she heard a door squeak open and immediately, she leapt up from the couch. When she saw her best friend entering the room, she ran into his arms, already feeling tears washing down her cheeks.

"Lucas, I don't know what's going on," she whispered, as he dropped everything to wrap his arms around her.

"Hales, are you ok?" he replied, brushing a piece of hair from her face, looking back at her.

"I don't belong here. I'm not supposed to be here and I just want to go home!"

He walked her over to the bar stools in front of the counter and made her sit down. He went about, fixing her a glass of chocolate milk and speaking at the same time. "Is this about last night?"

"I don't know," she replied meekly, reaching out for the glass he had placed in front of her. "Maybe."

"I can't believe you didn't even eat you breakfast," he teased, sitting on the stool next to her and swiping a piece of egg. "I told you, Hales. There's somebody out there for you. You just need to stop worrying so damn much."

"What?"

"You know, after what you said last night, I got to thinking. I know a couple of guys at UNC I could probably set you up with.

"What?" she repeated, turning to face him.

"You were saying last night how you were never going to find a guy and you should have just stayed in Tree Hill because it makes no difference where you are. I mean, I knew you were upset, but I didn't think you'd still be moping this morning."

She gave him a look and he smiled.

"I'm just kidding. But really, it's not like you to miss class."

She set her glass down firmly on the counter. "So, let me get this straight. I was here…last night?"

"Of course you were," he replied, looking confused. "Normally, I'd ask if you were drunk but I was with you all night."

"So, I live here?"

"Hales?" He put a hand up to her forehead, looking concerned.

"I'm fine," she replied, swatting it away. "We go to UNC?"

"No, I go to UNC. You go to Duke. Haley, you need to tell me what's going on."

He had that dead serious look on his face that Haley remembered he had worn so often before she had been with Nathan. She figured he had felt he didn't have to be quite as protective once she had Nathan the guard dog around twenty-four seven.

"I just don't feel good," she answered, shaking her head, hoping to clear out the cobwebs and remember something of what Lucas was saying. "Do you know how many classes I missed?"

He still looked very concerned as he stood up from his chair. "You keep that schedule in your room." He walked back down the hallway towards the door she knew led to her bedroom and she slowly followed him. She had completely ruled out that this was all some elaborate trick because this was _way_ too elaborate.

When they entered her room, Lucas pointed at a day planner sitting on a desk to the left of her bed. She jumped in front of Lucas and flipped it open. Immediately, she regretted the move; she had no idea what day it was.

"December eighth," he threw helpfully over her shoulder.

"I knew that," she answered back, grinning in his direction and hoping he bought it.

He did. She flipped to the date and saw she had three classes she had already missed. The only other thing written on the schedule was 'Tutoring with Lamont.' She wanted to ask Lucas what that meant, but she knew she was going to have to be more backhanded in the questions she asked him starting now. He seemed to be quite prepared to ship her to the loony bin already.

"Ok, well, I have to be at school in an hour to tutor Lamont," she told him, wishing she had any clue what that meant. "So, shoo. I have to get dressed." She waved her arms, signaling for him to get out and slammed the door in his face. With that, she sat back down and started going through her planner.

She soon found she wrote nothing useful in her planner; only the dates and times of her classes and tests. It looked like she tutored Lamont three times a week and another boy named Marcus once every two weeks. The best clue her planner gave her was that Lucas' twenty-second birthday was coming up in a week, which would make her…

"Twenty-one again," she sighed to herself, slamming her planner closed. Despite having surmised that she had somehow traveled back in time, she still couldn't figure out why everything seemed so different this time around.

She scanned the pictures all over her room again, looking for some sign on Nathan among them. But it was plain and simple; her husband was nowhere to be found among her photographs.

She looked at the time and realized she was already dangerously close to being late for her tutoring with this Lamont fellow. She dressed in record time, not even caring what she was putting on and began throwing books into the blue book bag that had been sitting next to her bed. She had no idea what she was tutoring this boy in. She looked in her planner again and scribbled down the name of the building she was supposed to meet him in on a scrap of paper. She began digging through drawers, until she found what she was looking for.

She fingered a map of the Duke campus, thanking God for her sensational organizational skills. Without them, she would not have found her way through this alternative world she was now stuck in.

She heard Lucas tapping of her door again. "Hales, are you all right in there? It sounds like you're tearing the room apart."

"Fine," she lied, opening the door to stand face to face with him.

"That's more like it," he said, grinning at his now put together best friend.

"Hate to run, but I'm going to be late." Haley swept past him and before she reached the door, heard his throat clear significantly behind her.

"Aren't you forgetting something?"

She turned to see him dangling a set of keys in his fingers. She ran back and grabbed them from him, looking at her own i.d. in the process. Across the top, it said 'Duke University.' She stopped in her tracks for a moment as she stared at the name. She had been expecting it, but it was more upsetting than she had thought it would be.

It read, 'Haley James.'

"Haley, are you sure you're ok?" Lucas asked as she sat staring at her student i.d. that she'd seen hundreds of times.

"What? Yeah, I'm fine," she responded, recovering quickly. She continued her sprint to the parking lot and easily found her car by using the automatic unlock button on her car remote.

Luckily for her, she had visited Duke several times in her life and was able to find the campus without any trouble. Unfortunately, finding the appropriate building wasn't as easy.

When she finally pulled up to it, she saw by her clock that she was ten minutes late. She sprinted in with her heavy book bag (she had packed all the books in her room, just in case). The doors only allowed her in when she had scanned her i.d. and she breathed a sigh of relief as she looked around the building she had just entered. She wasn't going to have to find the correct room to go to because she had come into what looked to be the main study center. Several tutors were working with various students. All of the students appeared to be very large, athletic males.

Across the room, she spotted one boy sitting by himself. She made her way over to him and became more confident as he smiled when she approached him.

"Hey, Lamont," she said, taking the seat across from him.

"Haley." He began to take out his books and she discreetly took in their covers, seeing they were all pertaining to history. She began to sift through her packed book bag. "This has to be a first. You being late."

She laughed lightly. "What can I say? I'm human."

She studied Lamont for a moment. He was one of the biggest guys she had ever seen in person. He had heavyset, muscular arms and a deep, booming voice that had alarmed her at first. She could almost tell by just sharing a few words with him, though, that the bark was probably much worse than the bite.

Lamont met her eyes as she looked at him and a mischievous smile played at his lips. "So… aren't you going to ask?"

"What?" she asked, hoping she sounded more playful than totally clueless.

"Fine, I'll tell," he replied, opening up the book in front of him, "I made an eighty-four on that test we studied for last week."

"Lamont, that's great!" she responded, feeling a surge of pride go through her. She knew it may not have been _her_ personally that had helped him study, but it had been her in some form.

"Yeah. I told everybody on the team that I have the best tutor in the whole university."

"Oh yeah?"

"Josh said he was going to try to get you next semester if you don't mind. I know you make a good amount of money for every person you do."

"Yeah," she agreed, when really she had no idea.

"Josh is a tailback. You know him?"

"No, sorry. Is that…basketball?" She ventured a guess.

He had a deep booming laugh and Haley giggled as she saw one of the tutors at the other table look up in alarm.

"No, Haley. That's football, like me."

Haley barely registered this as she had become distracted with what the tutor at the other table was wearing. It was one of those faux-basketball jerseys that she had seen many people (including Nathan) wear to support their favorite players. It was in Duke's blue and the number on the back was strikingly familiar. As if this wasn't enough to catch her attention, the name printed on the back was…

"Scott," she said, quietly to herself.

"Huh?" Lamont asked, following her eye line to the tutor's jersey.

"Scott," she repeated so he could hear her.

"Oh, yeah," Lamont replied, rolling his eyes. "Nathan's a big dog on campus."

"You know him?" she asked, quickly, turning to meet his eyes.

"I don't think there's anyone on campus that doesn't know him, is there? But, yeah, if you mean, do I _know_ him, know him, I've talked to the guy a couple of times. He's a little conceited though. Maybe I'm just jealous." He shrugged. "I we wish got half the support the basketball team does. You watching tonight?"

"Watching what?"

"ESPN. They're playing Clemson at seven."

"Oh." Haley looked down at the books in front of her, hoping something could make this all make sense.

"Haley?"

"What?" she asked, shooting her head up quickly.

"Uh-don't you think we should hit the books?"

----

"Haley, what is it you want to watch so badly?" Lucas asked as he watched Haley flip feverishly through the channels.

"Basketball," Haley replied as she finally saw the words 'Duke vs. Clemson' flash on the bottom of the screen.

"Oh, Hales, anything but this." Lucas sighed dramatically from his spot on the couch, where several books were laying next to him. Haley had chosen to sit on the floor with the dinner Lucas had cooked them in front of her.

Haley ignored him and turned the volume up to hear what the announcers were saying. "…and a kid who could really be a difference maker in this game is that guy right there- number twenty-three, Nathan Scott." A close-up of Nathan warming-up flashed on the screen as the announcers continued to talk. "He's really been amazing in his first few games and I think there's a good chance he could light up the scoreboards here in Littlejohn tonight." Lucas grumbled under his breath behind Haley but she didn't spare a thought to it.

"And the fans obviously love him," the other announcer added jokingly as the Clemson fans booed when Nathan's number was called.

"Well, we had a chance to speak to him before the game."

A close-up of Nathan sitting in front of a black background in his Duke basketball t-shirt popped up on the screen. Haley moved unconsciously closer. He wore his hair long, but not nearly as unkempt as it had been when she had last seen him. She looked into his blue eyes and felt a pain tear at her hear, remembering how cold they had looked the last time she had seen them. His lips began to move, but just then, Lucas decided to talk over the tv.

"Haley, I told you we could watch Duke basketball if, and only if, I never had to listen to this idiot talk."

"Lucas, shut up!" Haley replied, scooting still closer to the tv. She wanted desperately to hear the end of Nathan's interview.

"Yeah," he was saying, "even when the Ravens struggled, I didn't let it affect my game and I won't let it now."

"The Ravens never struggled," Haley said, turning back to look at Lucas as Nathan's face left the screen.

"Are you kidding me? A losing season and then third place in the region? That's struggling. If he wasn't so worried about himself the whole time, the team _may_ have benefitted."

"Don't you think he got better?" Haley asked, trying to find out more without Lucas catching on.

"Not at all. If anything, he got worse. Personally, I'm glad I never left the Rivercourt."

"You would've been good," Haley told him, once again, attempting to get information.

"Yeah, well I guess we'll never know thanks to bro," he said, nodding at the screen, where Nathan was shooting free throws.

"How is it his fault?"

"C'mon, Hales. You remember that stupid one-on-one game." His voice got suddenly deeper and Haley realized he was mocking Nathan. "'Stay away from my team and stay away from my girl.'"

"He won the one-on-one game," Haley said quietly to herself.

"Huh?" Lucas asked.

"Nothing." She smiled. "You know what's funny? I think in all these years of going to the same high school and then the same college as Nathan, I've never even spoken to him," Haley said, testing out a new theory.

"I've made sure of that," Lucas affirmed. "You're better off anyway, never having met him. We all are."

Haley flopped back on the floor, letting her words from just the night before overtake her. _I think I'd preferred just to have never met you_, she thought to herself. It was a stupid thing to say.

She already felt like she might cry when she heard something that seemed to make everything worse.

"So, Nate, while you're here on camera, anybody you want to shout out to?"

She heard Nathan's cute, cocky laugh and his reply made her clutch at her stomach.

"Man, just my girl. Peyton, baby, I love you."

A/N: Well, I made good on my promise. This is a full eight pages in Microsoft Word! I know, no Naley interaction, but my main reason for the length was to get our favorite couple acquainted (or at least meet) in the next chapter. Anyway, this is obviously the set-up for the rest of the story, so I hope you liked it (even though it's a little sci-fi)!


	3. Don't Look Now

A/N: So, I just wanted to clear one thing up from last chapter. Haley didn't actually see Nathan in the tutor center, one of the tutors just had on an authentic Nathan Scott basketball jersey. Authentic jerseys are kind of a big deal here. He couldn't have been in the tutor center because at that point, he was probably on the bus ride to Clemson (details, details). I sometimes forget to make myself completely clear because things like that seem really obvious to me, but I remember that y'all can't see everything I see in my head. So, after that rant, now back to your regularly scheduled programming…

Try as she might, Haley could not drift to sleep that night. She kept thinking that maybe if she did fall asleep in this bed, she would wake up in her own back at home. Unfortunately, the game she had spent the night watching was now permanently playing on repeat in her head. All she could see was Nathan dribbling up and down the court, scoring baskets and stealing balls. Of course, every now and then, they would flash another part of that obnoxious interview on the screen and he's say something stupid like, "Yeah, _Hoosiers_ is my favorite movie" or "I hope people won't keep calling me 'the next J.J. Redick.' When I leave, they'll be saying 'the next Nathan Scott.'"

_Or he could be shouting out to his love, Peyton _Sawyer, Haley thought. She rolled her eyes as she lied in bed.

Finally, as her clock showed 3:07, she pulled back the covers and began to organize everything in her room. She pulled out her planner and made a schedule of her classes for the next day, so she'd know which buildings to attend them in. She figured the best thing to do was to play along with her life here at Duke until she could figure out how to get back to her real life. She laid out the books she would need and pulled out the homework assignments the old Haley had apparently done before. She found a tutoring schedule that she had made for Lamont and prepared for what they would be going over the next day. She felt very lucky that she had already been through most of the classes she was taking this semester because that would simplify studying and leave her with more time to figure out a way to get back to where she belonged.

As 7:00 finally rolled around, Haley felt much better. Something about getting her room and classes back under her control made her feel more in control of her life. After flipping through her closet, Haley wished she did at least have the spare time to go resupply her clothes. _Apparently I never met Brooke either_, she thought, giggling to herself.

Twenty minutes later, she was setting up plates for the breakfast she had made for herself and Lucas. Since Lucas had cooked her two meals yesterday, she felt she ought to return the favor.

"Morning, roomie," Haley said, as Lucas walked into the room, looking tired.

"You made breakfast?" Lucas asked, plopping down in front of his warm meal. "You look a lot better this morning."

"Amazing what a clean sweep can do for you," Haley replied, sitting down next to him. She nudged him playfully. "And pertaining to breakfast, I figured I'd return the favor."

"It's not like you to cook."

"I can change," she returned defensively.

Lucas just shrugged and turned his attention to his pancakes.

"So, during that game last night, did you hear Nathan say him and Peyton were still together? Does she go to Duke too?"

Lucas looked a little perplexed by this question. "I thought you said she was in one of your classes this semester."

"Oh, duh," Haley said, smacking herself on the forehead for show. "I guess what I meant to ask was, where does she live?"

Lucas looked back up at her suspiciously. "Why?"

Haley shrugged. "Just curious."

"Uhm… I think she lives with Brooke Davis somewhere off-campus."

"Brooke goes to Duke?" Haley asked, hoping her jaw hadn't actually hit the table.

"No, I think if she had sent in her application, the admissions committee would still be laughing. She goes to Durham Community College. Remember? You were the one who said it was pathetic she followed Peyton here. Cause last semester, Peyton left her to live with Nathan but then that arrangement didn't work too well."

"Shocking," Haley scoffed.

"Yeah, so she moved back in with Brooke."

"And how exactly do you now all this?"

Lucas blushed slightly. "I hear stuff."

Haley laughed to herself. It was obvious Luke kept tabs on what was happening in Peyton's life. Luckily, that would probably work out in her favor. At least she had finally gotten some answers without Lucas thinking she was crazy.

"Well, I have to run," Haley said, remembering to scoop up her keys as she headed to the door.

"Hey!" Luke called from behind her. "Who's doing the dishes?"

Haley just laughed and waved. She had things much more important than dishes to do.

----------

After her eight o'clock (an easy elementary education class that she had made an A in her first time through), Haley headed back to the tutor center. Her tutoring with Lamont wasn't until much later, but she had a bigger concern.

She went in through the back door this time and saw she was in a long hallway that she figured led back out to the tutoring center in the front. She saw several athletes studying by themselves at long tables in a room labeled 'the longue.' This time, there were not just males but several tall girls who she guessed either played basketball or volleyball. She had determined that this was a study center only for the athletes on campus. As she walked in through the back door, she even saw an office touting the inscription, Athletic Advisor. She was quite pleased that she was probably one of the few non-athletes on campus who had gained access to this building.

Walking past the advisor's office, she saw another door, labeled 'Tutoring Counselor.' Next to the door was a clipboard with several forms attached that said 'Tutor Request Form' and she remembered Lamont saying his friend Josh was going to request her. This only held her attention for a second though, as she spotted the long list taped on the wall next to it. With some satisfaction, she saw the paper that she had been hoping to find. It was a schedule of all the tutoring sessions held in the building.

She took a small notepad out of her book bag and scribbled down the information she needed. She continued down the hall until she hit the jackpot again. Taped on the wall was a list of all the tutors' phone numbers. She took out her pad again and wrote down her own number (which unfortunately, she did not know) and two others she thought might come in useful.

She felt it would be suspicious if she fulfilled the next step of her master plan in the tutoring center so she ran out of the doors and sat down on a nearby bench. She flipped out her cell and dialed in the appropriate number, getting quite caught up in her brilliant scheming.

"Hello?"

Haley almost fell off the bench she was so excited. At the same time, she knew she needed to sound calm to lie appropriately. "Hey, Tracey. This is Haley Sc- I mean, James."

The girl on the other end of the line laughed. "C'mon, Hales, it hasn't been that long! I called you last weekend. You're so retarded; introducing yourself to me."

Haley had not planned on being friends with the girl. She looked down at the caller i.d. on her phone and saw the name Tracey. She felt so stupid; the number was programmed into her phone.

"Yeah." Haley joined in laughing. "Anyway, I was just in the tutoring center and," she checked the name on her notepad, "John asked me to call you. He wanted to let you know that your 12:45 was cancelled."

"Ugh," Tracey replied on the other end, blowing out a loud breath. "Whatever. It figures."

"Well, at least all you have to worry about now is your own work," Haley added helpfully.

"Yeah, I guess. Well, Hales, give me a call this weekend. We should hang out. And you can bring that fine roommate of yours, Lucas, along with you."

"Will do," Haley replied, having no intention of waltzing around this place trying to make new friends.

"Bye."

"Bye."

Haley clicked her phone closed and silently thought to herself, _Phase two, complete_.

----------

At 12:45, Haley headed back to the Athletes' Building. She had sat through another monumentally boring class and then wandered around campus trying to find a cafeteria. She had tried to call several of her contacts in her phone but none of them seemed to be picking up. She guessed they were all in class. When she had tried a contact called 'Antonio,' she had actually gotten a pizza parlor.

So, she had found the cafeteria eventually and ate by herself. She had another class at one, but she figured that this was important enough to warrant missing it.

She entered the tutor center and saw a tall, dark-haired boy sitting at a table by himself. Since it was such an odd time, they were the only two in there and she figured that was how he preferred it.

She walked up to the table he was sitting at and saw he was on his phone. He had his back turned away from her and she stood watching him for a few minutes.

"Yeah," he was saying, "and that's what I told her. I'm not a magician; I can't be everywhere she wants me to be at once. And that stuff about me and Carmen was such a lie. I told her I'd never touch a UNC cheerleader, no matter _how_ hot they were."

Haley cleared her throat loudly but he only glanced momentarily in her direction.

"Well, that's bullshit. C'mon, you know if I hit it, I'm gonna own up to it. That's just not how I play it." Pause. "Naw, man, I can't go tonight. Coach K would kill me if he found out." Laugh. "Hell yeah! No game Saturday, I will be there!"

Getting frustrated, Haley slammed all the books she was holding onto the table in front of her and the cobalt blue eyes of Nathan Scott finally looked over at her. He turned his chair around and still spoke into his phone. "Well, look, man, I gotta go. She's here. _Finally_. Yeah. I'll talk to you later." He clicked his phone closed and looked up at Haley expectantly. She sat down in the chair across from him, preparing to explain who she was but…

"Look, I gotta get going. Here's my assignments for next week," he said, laying out a couple of pieces of paper in front of her. "Just email me them, like usual." He put his bag over his shoulder and got up to leave.

"Wait a minute," Haley said, trying to stop him leaving before she missed the chance to talk to him.

"What?" Nathan asked, looking her back over. "All of them are completely self-explanatory and I have somewhere I need to be."

Haley stood up from her chair, which admittedly did little for her against Nathan, but still there was a fire in her eyes. "Look, you don't talk to me like that. A, I'm not your tutor and B, if I was you tutor, which I'm _not_, I would not be doing your assignments for you. So sit back down."

He didn't sit but he stared at her a little harder. "You're not my tutor? Oh yeah." He gave her a once over. "She's taller than you. And she has red hair. And glasses. Whoops, my bad. Don't worry though, you're better looking," he added, smirking.

Haley was not amused. "Well, since you've got that all figured out, you can sit back down. I need to talk to you."

Nathan finally sat back down, looking intrigued. "Are you a swimmer 'cause I'm kind of into swimmers. You're way too short for volleyball and they're the ones who usually-"

"Shut up," Haley said, cutting him off. "I'm a tutor, but that's not what this is about."

Nathan leaned back in his chair and looked at her closely. "Where is my tutor anyway? She's never late."

"I told her you had cancelled your session because I needed to talk to you alone."

He laced his fingers behind his head. "Ok, Tutor Girl. You've got my attention." She rolled her eyes as Brooke's old high school nickname for her rolled off his lips so easily.

Haley felt self-conscious as Nathan's dark eyes stared her down. She wondered how even this long distance version of her Nathan could make her feel so unnerved.

"I know this is going to sound crazy but I need you to hear me out."

He shrugged. "I already think you're crazy, but I'm listening."

She took a deep breath. Before meeting with him, she hadn't been sure she was going to tell him the entire truth, but once entering the conversation, she could see no alternative. "All right. Here we go. Yesterday, I woke up here, but this isn't where I'm from. I'm not supposed to be here," Haley began.

"Where are you from?" Nathan interrupted before she could even get into the story.

"It doesn't matter."

"Is it somewhere nearby?"

"Tree Hill, but that's not the point."

"Do I know you?"

"WILL YOU JUST LISTEN?!"

Nathan sat back in his chair and crossed his arms, motioning for her to continue.

Haley sighed and entered back into her story. "So, I went to sleep the night before in my bed and woke up here, in a completely different place."

Nathan raised an eyebrow, but didn't say a word.

"And before you say anything, I don't mean a different town. I mean a different _world_. Nothing is the same. I'm not me. You're not you. Everything's different. I've never attended Duke University in my life and now I'm a student here. I've never lived in Chapel Hill, but that's sure as hell where my apartment is. I've ended up in this whole other place. In fact, I'm supposed to be twenty-two years old, but somehow, I've jumped back to my junior year in college."

Throughout her entire story, Nathan's eyebrows had risen higher and higher. Finally, he had to interrupt. "Can you just stop? Besides you clearly being insane, what does this have to do with me? You must have been confused about what they say about me on tv. I'm a 'Basketball God,' I'm not actually God. I can't fix all your problems." He went back to grab his bag but Haley was up in a flash.

"Nathan Royal Scott, don't you dare move! I'm not done talking to you."

For the first time in his life, Nathan felt threatened by a person just barely five feet tall. He relaxed back into his chair and she sat down, looking satisfied.

"I'm telling you this because I think something I said to you is the reason I ended up here."

"Something you said to me? You don't even know me."

"Exactly. I told you I wished I'd never met you and I woke up here-in a world where I never met you."

Nathan rolled his eyes. "That's stupid. Why would I have ever met you?"

"Because," Haley explained very slowly, "Lucas beat you in that one-on-one game during junior year. Or at least, he was supposed to. After that, he joined the Ravens."

Nathan smirked. "Now, I _know_ you're lying. Lucas could never beat me in basketball."

She was getting very frustrated with this boy. "Well whatever because he did. Then, you asked me for tutoring to make him jealous. We got to know each other and we…" She really didn't want to say the last part because she knew she was facing uproar if she did. "We sort of fell in love."

Nathan burst out laughing and Haley blushed furiously. Her own husband laughing at the thought of falling in love with her. He's _not my husband_, she thought angrily to herself.

"You're his friend, aren't you? Lucas'?" he asked, in between peals of laughter. "Did he tell you to do this?"

"I'm being serious," she said, crossing her arms.

"Oh, come on," Nathan said, as he stopped laughing. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. I can't believe you two thought I would fall for that."

"Nathan, I'm not kidding with you. We got in a fight, I told you I wished I never met you and then I woke up here, in a world where I never had met you. Until now."

"Fine, then, prove it," he said triumphantly.

"I will. Your name is Nathan Royal Scott. Your parents are Dan and Deb Scott. And your grandparents are Royal and Mae Scott. You played basketball under Whitey Durham for the Tree Hill Ravens. In high school, your best friend was Tim Smith and your girlfriend was Peyton Sawyer. Your family owns a beach house. Your dad has HCM. Lucas is your half-brother. Your Uncle Cooper drives racecars. You've always wanted to play at Duke University."

"Well, I guess anybody who has read every magazine article about me could tell you that stuff," Nathan said, shrugging at Haley. "You're clearly a stalker."

"Dammit, Nathan! Fine, you want some stuff that nobody knows!" Haley thought she felt tears stinging at her eyes but she definitely was not going to let this arrogant asshole make her cry. "Your dad's a complete asshole to you. He puts so much pressure on you during basketball that half the time you're not even sure if you really want to play. When you were in tenth grade, you made a sex tape with Brooke Davis that Peyton doesn't know about. It's still in your house, by the way, you probably want to burn that before anyone sees it. In ninth grade, you lost your virginity to a senior, Taylor James, who just happens to be my sister. You wish your mom wasn't always gone on business; that she'd just stay home and protect you from your father. Everybody always compares you to J.J. Redick and you can't stand it because you say he's all about the outside shot and you just want to take it to the hoop. Nothing turns you on more than having sex right after a basketball game because you say that it's your two favorite things rolled into one. The most important thing about you, though, is that you never _ever_ want to turn out like Dan Scott. And from what I can tell, right now, that's the only thing setting you apart from him."

Nathan's eyes had considerably darkened throughout her tirade and now he was looking at her as if she was a very dangerous something that could be unleashed into his life. It was evident he was shocked by her endless knowledge about him. "Listen, I don't know how you know so much stuff about me, but I think it'll be best if you just stay away from me."

Haley picked up her bag from next to her chair and put it over her shoulder. "Fine. I don't know why I thought you could help me anyway. Clearly you're not half the man the Nathan Scott I know is."

She turned and began to walk away when she heard him call out behind her. "Hey!" She turned, her eyes burning. "What's your name anyway?"

Haley bit her lip as she looked at him. Confusion was written all over his face. She shook her head and turned away. "Haley James," she threw back as she walked out of the center.

She wanted no part of the Scott in this world.

A/N: So, I was trying to channel VERY early S1 Nathan here. Times like ten since he's just gotten worse in his years without Haley. He's harder to write than I thought he would be.

And just to be clear, I do think Duke basketball and J.J. Redick are in the axis of evil. I wouldn't be surprised if y'all could guess where I go to school (and no, it's not UNC).


	4. And We All Fall Down

Haley couldn't get him out of her head. She knew it should come as no shock to her; she had married the guy, for the love of God. But even when he had been an arrogant jock, he had at least always been nice to _her_, which was what was really driving her over the edge.

So, even as Haley entered her nine thirty class the next day, she couldn't seem to take away the picture of Nathan Scott from behind her eyes. _He looks so good_, she thought unwillingly.

_And he's such a prick_, she rationalized back with herself.

_Handsome prick_.

"Stop it!" she whispered to herself, going to take a seat in the lecture style hall. Haley was pulling out her books for the class (British Lit), when she was distracted by the girl in front of her. She had short blonde hair, flat-ironed to perfection. She was sketching on a pad with a dark marker. A distinctive number '23' was shaping up on the paper, with some other things she could yet to make out.

She knew that artist immediately. Only one person had such a trademark style.

"Peyton?" Haley asked, watching the stick straight head of blonde hair turn to face her.

"Excuse me?" Peyton Sawyer replied, looking back at her.

"Oh my God, it's you!" Haley said, scooping up her book bag in her arms and jumping over the row of chairs she was in so she could sit next to Peyton.

The blonde was giving her an odd look, as though she was not quite sure what to make of her behavior. "You're from Tree Hill, right?" Peyton asked, looking Haley over.

"Yeah, Haley James."

"Lucas Scott's friend?"

"Yeah, you remember me."

Peyton looked around. "Well, you have been in this class with me all semester and you haven't said a word to me, but I thought you looked familiar."

"Oh." Haley shrugged. "Well, I'm sorry about that."

"Whatever," Peyton replied, turning back to her sketch. Haley tilted her head slightly and could just make out signs of a body being squashed by the 23. And that body just happened to look like it had curly hair.

"I like your sketch," Haley said.

"No."

"What?"

"The answer is no. I can't get you Nathan Scott's autograph. I don't care how big of a fan your little brother is of him. If I do it for one person, it'll never end. And I'm not starting. I don't care if your little brother has Type I Diabetes. It's not happening." Peyton slammed her sketch pad closed to prevent Haley from studying her drawing any further.

"Believe me, the last thing I want is Nathan Scott's autograph," Haley replied, thinking of that look on his face when he had demanded she stay away from him.

Peyton looked up at her with an eyebrow raised. "Oh yeah. You're Lucas Scott's friend. Sorry, I forgot." She gave a small smile. ""Peyton Sawyer. But I guess you already know me."

"Yeah. Haley," she repeated.

"I know. Where'd you get the rock?"

"Huh?"

Peyton pointed to the wedding ring on Haley's left hand. Haley unconsciously took it from sight.

"Just a gift."

"That's a wedding ring."

"No, it's not."

"That's your wedding finger."

"Whoops." Haley slipped off her wedding and engagement rings and put them on her right hand. She felt odd taking those off her finger. She hadn't taken them off since she'd come back from her music tour after her junior year. It seemed ironic that she wouldn't take them off again until her marriage was in serious jeopardy _again_.

"So, how's Lucas?" Peyton asked, putting her sketch book back in her bag.

"He's good," Haley said, trying to think of a discreet way to ask Peyton about Nathan and their apparent 'long-term' relationship. "We live together."

"Really?" Peyton asked suggestively. "Did he give you the ring?"

"Oh, no, there's nothing like that between me and Lucas," Haley replied, automatically feeling for the inscription on her ring that Nathan had gotten specially put on.

"Uh-huh." Peyton did not look convinced.

"What about you and Nathan?" Haley bit back, as much as it pained her to say it.

Peyton shrugged. "Really, what is there to say? Nathan's Nathan."

Haley felt this was a very unsatisfactory response. Never in a million years would she have wanted to discuss Nathan and Peyton's relationship in-depth. And she especially didn't want to upset Peyton by prying into her private life, but at the same time, she knew she would not be pleased until she knew why they were still together; what could have possibly prompted this spit in the universe's face.

Haley gave a small grin. "I heard you moved back in with Brooke," she said casually.

"You try living with Nathan Scott."

Haley had always thought, until very recently, Nathan was rather pleasant to live with. She was on the verge of telling Peyton this when she caught herself. "But I thought you two were in love. That's what it sounded like during the basketball game the other night."

Peyton rolled her eyes. "If I hear one more thing about that stupid comment he made, I will kill myself. 'Oh Nathan's so sweet,'" she mocked, in an extremely high-pitched voice. "Come on, you and Lucas can back me up, Nathan's a jerk."

"Then why are you with him?" Haley asked, genuinely curious.

"I'm a bitch. He's a jerk. Perfect combination, right?"

"Ugh-yeah. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the point of a relationship supposed to be to make the other person better?" Haley asked tentatively.

"So, you're one of _those_ people," Peyton responded. "One of those true love people. I guess it's easy when you have a rock that size." She pointed to Haley's ring again.

"No," Haley responded just as sarcastically. "I just don't see the point of staying with someone if you're not happy. I would never keep up a relationship I didn't think was worth it."

"I supposed you wouldn't." Peyton thought about Haley's genuine words and took heart to them. She fiddled for a moment with her bag. "Have you ever just woken up one day and realized you were somewhere you didn't intend to be? That somewhere along the lines, you had lost control of your life and you had ended up with something you never wanted?"

"You have no idea." Peyton gave Haley a small smile.

Their professor was now entering the classroom and Peyton looked away from Haley and into her bag for a notebook. Haley did the same and took notes for the rest of the hour period. As the teacher finally dismissed the class, Haley felt Peyton tapping her shoulder.

"Look, Haley, I don't usually do this whole nice bit, but I just want to say thanks for talking to me."

"Yeah."

"I mean, it's hard for me to talk about this stuff with Brooke because she thinks I've got it made. The guy, the school, everything. Anyway, the truth is, I'd rather you not tell anyone I said that stuff because it would be chaos if that stuff got around. And you know how Nathan would get if he heard anything."

"Trust me; I don't want to be the one that start's the gossip that Duke's dream couple is breaking up." Haley forced a laugh.

Peyton made a face. She went to grab her bag to leave the class and Haley caught her attention one more time.

"Look, if you want to come see Lucas' and my apartment sometime, you should."

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah, look, here's my number," she said, jotting it down on a slip of paper and handing it to Peyton. "Just give me a call sometime. Whenever you get tired of Brooke and Nathan or whatever."

"Really?" Peyton gave her a look, feeling like this girl somehow knew the real her. It was an odd connection she felt.

"Yeah. But, look, I have to go. I have tutoring with some jock in fifteen minutes. So, I'll see you later."

"Bye."

----------

Haley entered the tutoring center with ten minutes to spare and went to sit down at a table by herself. Today was her first tutoring session with Marcus. She had researched him on Duke's website and found out he was a basketball player. Every two weeks, they met for an hour long tutoring session for his Creative Writing class. Haley had an idea what he looked like, but she thought it would be better to let him find her.

Haley was pulling her laptop out when she heard the chair in front of her shifting. She looked up to see a very tall dark-skinned boy giving her a toothy smile. "Hey, Hales."

"Marcus! Good game last w-" Haley's words stopped on the tip of her tongue as she saw another figure pulling out the chair next to Marcus.

"Oh, yeah. This is Nathan Scott. He's one of my teammates and he's in my creative writing class too. You've probably heard of him."

Haley locked eyes with Nathan. "No, I don't think so."

"Oh," Marcus replied, obviously not catching on to the tension between Haley and Nathan. "Well, he's my brother from another mother and he's a superstar. Anyway, he was having some trouble in the class and I told him I have the kick-ass tutor named Haley James and he said he was there and so here he is."

"Nathan Scott," Nathan said, sticking his hand out for Haley to shake it.

"Haley," Haley replied, trying to remain professional.

"Yeah, I know," he returned.

"Haley can look over your last paper and tell you everything that is wrong with it. She's a miracle worker, Nate." Marcus flashed a paper up to them and Haley saw her own handwriting all over it. "Anyway, Haley, our next class we're getting this prompt and we're going to have to write it in class. It's supposed to be a huge grade."

"Marcus is freaking out about it," Nathan threw in.

"Man, I've never written a paper without Haley looking over it before. I love this girl."

Haley felt herself blushing. It wasn't everyday an attractive college athlete said he loved her…oh wait. Fine, an attractive college athlete that wasn't married to her.

"Well," Haley said, trying to ignore the fact that Nathan wouldn't stop staring at her. "I could give you a prompt and we could talk through it. So you'll know the sort of thought process you need to go through to write a good paper on the spur-of-the-moment. I can give you a few pointers."

Haley flipped through her Creative Writing book and found a prompt that she thought would be fairly easy to write during an hour long class. She read it off to the boys and gave them enough time to write a general summary of what they were going to write about. During their five minutes, she couldn't help but watch Nathan work. She had a sneaking suspicion he wasn't taking this very seriously. She even thought he might have come just to annoy her. After time was up, she listened to Marcus' outline first, giving him tips as he read it off. Then, it was Nathan's turn.

"So, Nathan, what did you write?" Haley asked, finally having to look at him.

Nathan picked up his paper and held it in front of his face, clearing his throat dramatically. "I am going to write about a girl who desperately wants to meet the star basketball player at her school- we'll call it Ruke- so she makes up a story about how the guy is really in love with her and just hasn't realized it because they never met. So she cancels his-"

"Hold on," Haley said, holding up her hand to stop him. "I think we need to reevaluate this."

"Hell yeah, we do," Marcus said, looking confused. "Man, that don't have nothing to do with the prompt, Nate."

Haley shook her head, looking back toward Nathan. "What we should really consider is that if this guy is indeed the star basketball player, his head's probably so big, he's convinced that every girl wants to get with him. The girl probably thought he could help for some reason and he takes it as some elaborate scheme to hit on him. He's living in some fantasy world. Are you trying to write from that angle, uhm- what was your name again?" Haley replied.

"Actually, it would be the girl who's living in some fantasy world. She tries to convince the guy that she's from some alternate universe where 'everything's different,'" Nathan said, making air quotes.

"Well, what strikes me as really pathetic is that the guy keeps following the girl around after she says she wants nothing more to do with him."

Nathan obviously didn't have a reply for this so he just sat, glaring at Haley.

"Haley, did Nathan and me have different prompts?" Marcus asked, looking back and forth between the two.

"Marcus, I'm sorry, but do you mind if I talk to Mr. Scott for a moment? I don't know if I can handle tutoring two people at once. I'll be back in just a minute."

Haley got up from the table and walked toward the back of the room. Nathan threw Marcus a smirk and followed her.

"Problem?" he asked casually, stopping in front of her.

"I thought I told you to leave me alone."

"Look, Miss James, you started this so don't try to call me out now that I'm continuing it."

"You told me to stay away from you. Why would you come here?" Haley asked, feeling thoroughly perplexed at his intrusiveness.

"Because I want to know what you're up to."

Haley looked up into his face and was able to read him like a book. She could tell from that oh-so-classic Nathan Scott look that he was intrigued by the whole situation. She matched him smirk-for-smirk. "Come on, Nate, you don't have to lie to me."

He knitted his eyebrows. "What are you talking about?"

"You're curious, aren't you? You want to know how I know so much about you. You think I might be telling the truth and it's killing you that you don't know."

"Whatever," he replied, not wanting to lose the upper hand in the conversation.

"You can't lie to me, Nathan. I know that look. Think what you will but as long as you still have that face, I'll know what you're thinking."

"Fine, what am I thinking now?" he asked, looking at her.

Haley tilted her head sideways, as though she was really studying him. "You're thinking that you hope I can't really tell what you're thinking. Also, you're thinking of a way to turn this conversation back around in your favor. Lastly I sense a hint of," she took one finger and touched his face with it, "lust." She ran her finger the link of his face, then put her hand up under her chin. "How was that?"

"Obvious. Just like I know right now you're thinking that you're getting to me. Does that mean I really 'know' you too?"

"You tell me." Haley finally got frustrated and gestured towards the door. "Now, I'm not tutoring you anymore. Leave me alone so I can actually help someone who needs it."

"How do you know I don't need it?" Nathan asked.

"Maybe you do, but I refuse to tutor you. Conflict of interests. I can't possibly tutor you when I want to strangle you."

"Fine, I'll appeal to the Tutoring Councilor. Hmm," Nathan put up a thoughtful face, "star basketball player wants girl who continently already also tutors his teammate. Tutor doesn't want him. Who do we think win this one? Hmm, Haley?"

"Fine, whatever. But do not interrupt me while I'm tutoring Marcus."

"Marcus who you just met for the first time?" Nathan asked.

"You're catching on."

"Please." Nathan rolled his eyes as he followed her back over to their table.

"You two made up?" Marcus asked, eyeing them both and grinning.

Neither of them returned the grin as they sat down on opposite sides of the table.

Haley picked her book back up and turned towards Marcus. "Ok, Marcus-"

"Wait, what about my outline?" Nathan interrupted.

Haley turned to him with an incredulous look on her face. "You wrote an outline?"

"Yeah."

"A _real_ outline?"

"Yeah, I told you. I'm making a D in Creative Writing.

Haley sighed. "All right, let's hear it…"

------------

Later that night Haley found herself sitting on the floor of her room. Her mind had traveled back to the second experience with this new 'old' Nathan she'd had in two days. Once again he'd been rude, arrogant, and just downright unpleasant towards her. Marcus had even told him to back down a few times for off-color comments he had sent in Haley's direction. He was so rude, Marcus had apologized for bringing him to the tutoring session, commenting that he didn't know what had gotten into him.

Haley kept trying to tell herself she didn't care but it was hard to continue to lie to herself. However much of jerk he might be, he was still Nathan Scott and there was something she couldn't resist about that boy. Just the fact that he looked like her Nathan, occasionally acted like him, and had his same unreadable expressions.

Well, unreadable to everyone but her.

So she sat on the ground of her room with her wedding ring and engagement ring laid out in front of her. She rolled them around on her fingers sadly. She was so glad she had something the real Nathan had given her to bring to this world with her. But seeing the clone of him the past two days had simply made it hard for her to forget how much she was missing her son.

She felt a tear slipping down her face. She just wished she had one thing to prove that Jamie was real; that she had a son. The rings proved there was a Nathan somewhere that loved her, but she had nothing to show that she had a four-year-old boy that she adored.

The tear ran the length of her face and dripped onto the diamond of her wedding ring.

She couldn't help but wonder if life was going on without her at home. If this was real, who was to say something equally as odd wasn't going on there? She felt so confused. _I would take the shell of a Nathan there to the cold one here_, she thought. _I would take my son over it all_.

She heard a soft tapping on her door and looked up. "Haley?"

"Come in," Haley said, wiping away her tears and plastering on a fake smile.

Lucas opened up her door and looked at her, quickly becoming concerned. "Are you all right, Hales?" he asked.

"Fine," Haley replied, sweeping up her rings before Lucas could see them and slipping them on her right hand.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I was just coming to check on you." He looked hard at Haley's face again and leaned against the door frame. "Is there anything I can do?"

She laughed humorlessly. "Nope, Luke. I'm afraid even you can't fix this."

"Ok. Well, I'm here for you." She nodded. He turned and walked out, closing the door softly behind him.

Haley shook her head. This new Nathan was a jerk- cocky, arrogant, clearly an all-around bad person dating a girl he was probably stringing along.

Why had it been so easy to open up to him?

* * *

A/N: So, I'm not crazy about this chapter but I think I have some good stuff up my sleeve for the next one and maybe just a hint of Naley for all you crazy kids.

Oh, and Brooke! And more Peyton! And a little Lucas!


	5. Change is Gonna Come

A/N: Wow, guy, I really appreciate all the nice things that were said about last chapter. I didn't feel that great about it so all the positive reviews really brightened my day. Oh, and did everyone see the Naley FF yesterday (eh, they grouped them together, but still)? It was amazing. But Naley is amazing, so there you have it (gee, am I gushing?). And yey for me on predicting Nathan's long hair correctly in this story.

* * *

Haley made it through Friday and was happy not to have to return to the Athletic Building all day. That night, she watched movies with Lucas.

She felt like she wasn't making any headway toward getting back home and the truth was, she wasn't. But she was out of ideas. Talking to Nathan hadn't panned out at all and she couldn't see how telling Luke would help any either. She was tired of asking questions because she honestly no longer cared about how or why anything in this world was the way it was. She thought about just hiding in Lucas' and her apartment until one morning, she hopefully woke up in her own house.

The scary thing was she was starting to wonder if she'd ever get back home.

Saturday morning found Haley and Lucas sitting on the floor of their common room with books spread out all around them. Haley had a paper due on Tuesday and Lucas was comparing two books next to her for a paper he had due on Monday.

Haley had found the pictures saved on her laptop and lost interest in her paper. She was flicking through them curiously, mostly seeing familiar faces. She spotted one labeled Tracey and was appalled that Nathan had gotten her confused with Haley. They looked nothing alike! She also saw a picture of Lamont hugging her after a Duke football game. _He is such a sweetie_, she thought to herself.

Her cell phone began ringing and she looked over at it curiously. Much to her distaste, Chris Keller was singing to her. She rolled her eyes, took a mental note to change that later, and flipped open the phone.

"Hello?"

"Is this Haley?"

"Yeah," she replied curiously.

"This is Peyton Sawyer. You know-"

"Yeah, yeah," Haley cut her off. "I know."

"Well, look, I was just driving around and I remembered you said I should come see your apartment and I was just wondering if I could…" Peyton trailed off, sounding a little unsure.

"Oh, definitely," Haley replied. "Right now's a great time. I'd love for you to come."

"Ok."

Haley gave Peyton directions to their place and when Peyton said she thought she had it, Haley hung up the phone.

"Who was that?" Lucas asked curiously, looking up from one of his books.

Haley grinned mischievously. "You'll see."

A few minutes later, a knock on the door reached Haley's ears. She bounded up from the floor to open it. She pulled back to reveal Peyton Sawyer, looking very unsure with her hair once again heavily flat-ironed.

"Hey, Peyton."

She looked over toward Lucas, who was looking at the odd pairing aghast. Haley stood back to allow Peyton to walk into the room then shut the door behind her. Peyton tossed her bag on the closest armchair as she walked into the apartment. "Lucas, you know Peyton, right?" she asked, walking in behind her.

Lucas looked highly confused, but nodded. "Yeah, I'm Lucas Scott."

"How could I not know that?" Peyton responded with a wry smiled, shaking his hand. "I remember that time you helped me with my car."

"Oh, yeah," Lucas said, jumping up from his circle of books. "It was no big deal."

Peyton shrugged. "I never said it was."

"Do you want to see the apartment?" Haley asked, trying to save Lucas from embarrassment.

"Sure." Haley showed Peyton around their place as Lucas insisted that he would make the three of them some lunch. One thing Haley did love about this new Lucas was that he seemed to have an affinity for cooking. She supposed he had developed that sometime in this world when he hadn't been making a mess of his love life like he had in her world.

The last room Haley showed Peyton was hers. Peyton sat down on the bed after she had seen everything, sighing. "This is all really nice, Haley."

"Thanks," Haley replied. "So, why were you just driving around earlier?"

Peyton rolled her eyes. "I had to get out of the apartment. Brooke's driving me crazy. Nathan and I had it out after his game last night. You know the deal."

Haley smiled. "Yeah. I just didn't think you'd need a break _this_ soon when I offered." Both girls laughed. "If you don't mind me asking, what did you and Nathan fight about?" Haley knew it was really none of her business but she just couldn't keep the question down in her throat as she had intended.

Peyton shrugged. "Mostly just his inability to be a real boyfriend. I don't know how much you know about Nathan." Haley made a face, trying to convey that she didn't know much about him. "Well, he basically does whatever he wants and apologizes for it later. And I _always_ fall for it."

"What do you mean?"

"It's just one of those things where I keep meaning to end it for good but I never can. A small part of me believes maybe he really does care about me. He'll say and do things every now and then that make me think maybe he could be a good person, you know?"

Haley didn't respond. She knew she shouldn't have asked the question. She felt a surge of jealousy rush through her at just the thought of Nathan doing sweet things for Peyton.

Peyton studied Haley and continued to ramble. "Honestly, breaking up is second nature for us. And I know he does things he shouldn't for just the ten minutes we're sometimes broken up and it's stupid. It's stupid for me to stay in this relationship. But, he's just—" Peyton shook her head. "I mean, besides Brooke, he's all I've got. And when Brooke was in California for our senior year, I was miserable. I don't know how to live without Nathan." Peyton looked up at Haley with a deep sadness in her eyes.

"Peyton, I--"

Before Haley could finish her thought, the door opened. Lucas poked his head in. "Sorry to interrupt. Lunch is ready."

Peyton grinned up at Lucas and the three made their way back into the kitchen. Haley felt deeply shaken by Peyton's admission of how much she had relied on Nathan. It reminded her of how much she relied on Nathan, though she didn't think she'd ever been quite as dependent on him as Peyton was now.

Lucas had made roast beef sandwiches and they all sat around, eating and talking about their classes. It was easy to see that Peyton fit in with the two of them perfectly. Haley felt an odd sense of nostalgia as she sat joking with two of her very good friends (at least, they were very good friends where she was from).

"Hang on, my phone is ringing," Peyton said, interrupting Lucas mid-sentence and grinning. She took out her phone and looked at the front screen, rolling her eyes. "It's Brooke. Give me a minute," she told the others, as she flipped it open. "Hey. Yeah. I told you I was going to go visit some friends." She looked up from her phone and made a face at Lucas and Haley. "Ok. I'll get the chips. Yes, I'll be there shortly. Calm down! Yes. Bye." She laughed and hung up the phone. "We're having a party tonight at the apartment. Or rather, Brooke's having a party. She needs me for reinforcements," Peyton said, mock-dramatically. "So, I guess I need to go. Thanks for inviting me, Haley."

"No problem," Haley said, taking a sip of her water.

"Lunch was great," Peyton said toward Lucas, going to pick her bag off up the chair she had dropped it on. "And it _was_ a big deal."

Lucas grinned, looking embarrassed. "No problem. We'll do it again some time."

"Yeah." Peyton was headed toward the door, but before she had turned the knob, she turned back to looked at Haley and Lucas, seated at their breakfast bar. "Look, do you two want to come to our party tonight?" She rolled her eyes. "Brooke's party."

Lucas turned to look at Haley, unsure.

Haley knew she didn't want to go. There was little doubt in her mind that Nathan Scott would be there and personally, she wanted to stay as far away from him as possible.

"We'll think about it," Haley said, easily reading the look of hope that had spread across Lucas' face.

"Please come," Peyton said. "I'll leave you with directions. I think it would be much more tolerable if you two were there."

Haley smiled half-heartedly.

How much more of this was she going to have to put up with before she could return home?

------------

Haley applied a little more eyeliner as she surveyed her reflection critically.

A college party. She had barely gone to those when she was _in_ college. An infant son didn't leave much time for partying in her college years.

_Don't think about Jamie or you'll ruin your eye makeup_, she scolded herself.

_Who are you trying to impress anyway? _herself responded.

_Nathan will be there_, said a cocky voice in the back of her head.

"Shut up!" she said, turning away from the mirror. "He is an asshole. A very handsome asshole that you would be in love with if he were anything like he's supposed to be."

She went toward the door, slipping on a pair of flats on her way. She really didn't want to go to this party. She was mainly doing it for Peyton. And of course, Lucas. And because she couldn't think of anything better to do with her life.

Walking back to the den, she saw Lucas had put on a nice buttoned-down shirt and his trademark flip-flops. He was once again sitting on the ground, surrounded by books on all sides. That was his usual state these days. She liked the whole all-literature all-the-time thing he had going on.

He didn't notice her so she followed on a whim and went to sit down in his lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he looked up, smiling.aHal

"What do you weigh? Nine pounds?"

"Lucas, I missed this," Haley said truthfully.

"Missed what?" he asked, looking confused.

"We haven't been like this for a long time."

"Hales," he said, as she studied him, "We've always been like this."

"Yeah." She bit her lip. She had made sacrifices when she had committed herself to Nathan and one of them had been losing some of the closeness she had once had with Lucas. In this alternate universe, it was still Haley and Lucas no matter what. Nothing came between them here. She did love that. She loved being with her best friend.

"You ready?" he asked, as she scooted off his lap.

"I guess," she sighed as he reached down a hand to help her up. "Ready as I'll ever be."

"We don't have to go," Lucas told her as he took his keys off the counter.

"We should though. Peyton asked us."

"Yeah. I always try to do what my evil half-brother's girlfriend asks of me."

Haley laughed as she followed Lucas out of their apartment. "We'll forgive her judge of character."

Haley and Lucas rode in Luke's car to where Peyton and Brooke's apartment was located in Durham. They lived on a bottom floor apartment and the party looked to be in full swing when they arrived. So many cars were there, they had to park on the other side of the building and walk the rest of the way to their apartment.

They could barely make their way into the door as so many people were crowded around. Haley immediately spotted Brooke standing next to the door with a drink in hand and looking fierce as usual.

"Hi, welcome to my party," she said as they walked into the door. "And you are…Lucas Scott," she finished, answering her own question. "Well, well, well…"

"Brooke," Lucas said, nodding his head in her direction.

"Who invited you?" Brooke asked, completely missing Haley. "Not that I'm complaining." She grinned seductively at Lucas.

"Peyton invited me and Haley," he said, gesturing toward his friend.

"Oh. Haley was it?" she asked, looking toward Haley, who nodded. "Well, the alcohol is over there," she said, pointing in the direction of the kitchen. "I hate when she invites guys _and_ their girlfriends," she went on very audibly.

"No, just friends," Haley corrected quickly.

"Oh!" Brooke said, lighting back up. "Well, in the case, Lucas, I have to show you something." She took Lucas by the arm and forcibly pulled him away; he threw a helpless look back at Haley who just laughed.

Without Lucas though, she was lost. She looked around a little desperately and saw no one she knew. She walked through crowds of people, parting the way and looking for Peyton.

"Haley!" She turned around and was engulfed by a pair of arms. She had to tilt her head all the way back to look into the face of a very tall boy.

"Marcus," she said, relieved to know someone.

"Imagine seeing you at a party. You crazy kid."

Haley laughed. "I know this isn't my usual scene. But I know the girl throwing the party."

"Brooke Davis?"

"No. Her roommate."

"Nate's girlfriend," Marcus said, nodding wisely. "Peyton. She's hot as hell but she's got an attitude for sure."

"She dates_Nathan_," another guy, who looked like he could be a basketball player, too, said over Marcus' shoulder. "Can you blame her? Are you a tutor?" he asked Haley, changing gears at the speed of light.

"Hey, back off," Marcus said, putting a protective arm around Haley and blocking the guy's attempt with his hand. "This is _my_ tutor."

"Damn, girl. You're the hottest tutor I've ever seen," the basketball player said. "What do you tutor? I need to change my classes."

"What do we have here?"

Marcus' hand tightened around Haley's shoulder as they both recognized the voice that was coming up behind them.

Haley turned to see Nathan, holding up a red cup to his lips. "Hottest tutor in the school, hmm?" he asked, taking a sip from his cup.

Marcus sighed. "Nate, leave her alone. You know you my boy, but if you mess with Haley again, I'm gonna lay you out."

Nathan forced a laugh, eyeing his arm around Haley's shoulder. "You're awfully found of your little Tutor girl, aren't you?" He raised an eyebrow.

Haley felt confused at the look on his face and the tone of his voice. She recognized it instantly, but it couldn't be…

"Are you jealous?" Haley asked, stepping out of Marcus' grip and towards Nathan.

"A little high on yourself, aren't you?" Nathan responded easily.

"I don't know, man, you look pretty jealous," the other basketball player responded, guffawing.

"Shut up, Chad," Nathan said, rolling his eyes and walking away.

"He's just mad you're the hottest tutor in the university and you're interested in me," Chad said, winking. "Come on, Marcus, I need a refill." He and Marcus said goodbye and left Haley alone once again, feeling all the more uneasy at the event that had just occurred. Nathan seemed to unnerve her more every time she saw him. And it was so hard not to see the glimpses of the boy she had fallen in love with. And at times, it pained her to think, he reminded her so much of Jamie.

She knew it was horrible timing, but all the sudden she thought she was going to break down in the middle of the party. Surrounded by all these people she would probably never know, she felt an urge to start bawling.

She fought to get out of the crowd, trying to find a room where she could sit down by herself. She found a hallway off to the right and easily found Peyton's room. It was a dark navy blue and covered in band posters. It was exactly like her room in Tree Hill had been, except decidedly darker. The room was empty and she knew Peyton wouldn't mind so she walked in and sat on her bed. And she just let it out.

She felt the hot tears sliding down her face and she knew she was crying for everything. She was crying for how much the new Nathan detested her, how she knew even when she got back home, her relationship with Nathan might be over, and most importantly, she was crying for her little boy. It had been almost a week since she had seen him and she was miserable.

When she began to feel cried out, she wiped away at her eyes. She now had a pounding headache. She reached to the side table, and opened up the drawer, looking for an Aspirin to dim the pain in her head. She almost threw up when she looked down in the drawer.

It was full of condoms.

She slammed it closed and the tears welled back up in her eyes. How could she be jealous of Nathan and Peyton's relationship? She hated the thought of them together and it was driving her crazy to think of all the times they had been together. She had known they were together, but the thought that they were having sex on a regular basis hit her like a ton of bricks. She wanted to be dead. She didn't think she could have possibly hit a lower low.

She heard a body slam into the wall outside of the room and looked up quickly. There was a slurping noise coming from outside and she heard a frustrated groan. "Nathan, you're drunk, get off of me," came Peyton's voice from outside the door. Haley's blood boiled; Nathan wanted to bring her in here and put some of those condoms to good use.

"Come on, baby," his voice returned. "It's been almost a week. I missed you."

"Is that why you hooked up with Carmen Grande while you were in Chapel Hill last weekend? You _missed_ me so much."

Haley heard his fist hit the wall and gasped. She never recalled him being that violent. "Nothing happened."

"I heard you two were hanging all over each other. And you just put a hole in the wall, you jackass!"

"We didn't hook up though!"

"It's all the same, Nathan! It shows a total lack of respect for me."

"Whatever, Peyton. You can call me when you've decided to get over yourself and stop being such a bitch. You've got it made and all you do is complain twenty-four seven."

"You think because you sometimes do nice things for me, you can control me? That's not how it works!"

"Yeah, I don't see you complaining about that five-hundred dollar necklace I bought you, which you're wearing by the way!" he yelled louder and Haley figured Peyton was walking away, especially when she didn't respond to his proclamation.

Haley was startled when she heard a large figure slamming through the door.

There, framed in the doorway was a figure that had been the reason she had just been crying silently to herself. They stared at each other for a few minutes and it struck Haley as odd at the number of times she had sat on a bed, waiting for him, and here he was again. But unlike those times, he did not look happy to see her.

"You again!"

"Me," she replied, her voice still weak from crying.

He sighed and went to sit on the bed next to her. "Whatever." He chugged the last of his drink and let it fall out of his hands, onto the floor. He turned to look at her. "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing you would understand."

"Oh, yeah. I forgot. You're not supposed to be here."

"You can quit torturing me now," Haley said, monotone.

Nathan turned and looked at her. She shifted under his gaze but did not give him the pleasure of hearing her ask for him to leave her alone. He looked away.

"Why'd you tell me anyway?" he asked. Haley tried to comprehend what he had just asked. If he had been trying to shock the hell out of her, it worked.

Haley shrugged. "Habit, I guess. I tell you everything." She glanced over at him, seeing his expression hadn't changed. "We don't have secrets. When I have a problem, I go to you. So I had a problem and I went to you. It was natural. It was stupid."

"Keep in mind, I still don't believe you," Nathan replied after she finished.

"Break my heart, why don't you?" Haley said sarcastically.

"Fine, I'm not your Prince Charming. I'm sorry. I'm a jerk. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

"Doesn't do me any good, does it? I'm not at home now, am I?"

Nathan shook his head. "Then I guess I can't help you."

Haley finally turned to look at him. "No, I guess you can't! Because God knows help from you would be too much to ask!"

She turned away from him and they sat in silence for a few moments. Finally, she heard Nathan sigh. "So, what's wrong with you?" he repeated.

"I miss someone. Someone I love a lot."

"Me?" he asked, catching her gaze.

"Don't flatter yourself."

"Then who?"

She looked up at him and he could just make out a tear caught on her eyelash. "You don't deserve to know," she spoke, disdain dripping off her every word.

She thought she saw something; a little bit of hurt behind his eyes. But it was quickly gone and replaced with nothingness. The nothingness she was very used to seeing. "Don't look at me like that," she whispered.

"Like what?!" he asked, throwing his hands in the air, fed up.

"Like you don't care. All I want to believe is that you do care. You have to care!"

"Haley, look…" He surprised even himself as he put his arm around her, trying to comfort her. Her glassy eyes stared at him, unshed tears glistening there. He was hit with an insane urge to comfort her. One he could never follow through on. She looked so sad, so pathetic right now. And she was so small.

All these thoughts ran through his mind in an instant as their eyes both caught sight of his hand on her arm and she had jumped up from the bed, towering angrily over him. "Don't you _dare _touch me!"

"What?" he asked, drawing back his arm.

"This isn't a game. Don't _ever_ touch me again. You are not my Nathan. Don't come near me."

"Wha-?" And with that she walked to the door and slammed it angrily, leaving a perplexed Nathan sitting on the bed.

He got up. He might as well drink until he didn't remember his moment of weakness tomorrow.

* * *

A/N: So, longest chapter yet and I think we can all sense that there is some serious tension between old Haley and new Nathan. DRAMA! I actually intended for their conversation to be a bit longer at the end, but Haley just didn't seem to want to stay in that room. Darn her! Anyway, I suffered a bit of a disappointment yesterday so it would be really fantastic if y'all could put in some nice reviews. Or bad, depending on what you thought of the chapter. Just reviews in general would be phenomenal.

Oh and a huge thanks to whoever recommended my story on a OTH board somewhere. You have no idea how much that flatters me.


	6. Save the Drama for Your Mama

A/N: Minor alert. Filler chapter ahead. But some things have to get done before we can get to the juicy stuff. And I promise, this is a really good filler chapter. Not as good as last chapter though. I was seriously in love with last chapter. I wanted to take it to a beach and marry it...jk.

* * *

"Mommy, what's the matter?"

Haley looked up from her seat in their family room, tears creeping down her cheeks. She showed a watery smile to her son and tried to reach out to him. He was too far away though.

"Baby, come here. I've missed you."

"I can't," he said back, grinning.

"Well, go be with your daddy then. Ok? If I can't help you, stay with your daddy."

Jamie shook his head and his expression changed to one of sadness. "Daddy said you don't love him anymore. He said you didn't want me with him."

"That's not true, Jamie! I love you and I love your daddy. You know that!" Haley cried out, reaching for her son again.

Jamie turned away. "I miss you."

"_I ain't missing you at all…since you been gone away_."

Chris Keller's voice woke Haley up abruptly and she reached over for the phone on her bedside table.

"Hello?" She glanced at the clock and saw the face read 3:04. Whoever was calling her was extremely fortunate she didn't have an eight o'clock exam the next morning.

"Haley James?"

"This is she."

"Where's the trash can in my room in the beach house?"

Haley sat up in bed, rubbing her eyes out. "Nathan?"

"Well, do you know or not?"

She pushed the hair out of her eyes and ran her hand the rest of the way through her locks, contemplating. "You don't have a trash can in your room at the beach house. There's one in the bathroom next to the sink. It's a round aluminum trash can."

Nathan sat quietly on the other line for a few moments. Haley's preemptive sleepiness was vanishing and she was beginning to comprehend why Nathan would ask her a question like this.

"Where the hell did you get my number?" she asked.

"Can you tell me anything about that trash can?"

"Nathan, I don't have to prove anything to you."

"No, you don't," he replied.

Haley sighed. "Fine. When you were eleven, your dad tore up your favorite Michael Jordan card and threw it into that trash can. He said you didn't deserve it because you missed the final shot of your junior league game. You shot a thousand shots every day for the rest of the summer after that."

She heard his shallow breathing on the other end as he listened to her methodically rattle off a story he had never told anyone in his life. Not only had she answered the trick question about his trash can correctly, she had known in detail the reason his eyes were drawn to that trash can every time he walked into the bathroom.

Haley was not in the mood to try to convince Nathan she was telling the truth. She had sensed a hint of desperation, though, with him asking about that trash can. That story had been one Nathan had held in for a long time and she could tell it had affected him greatly when he had whispered it to her as they had lain in bed one night. It was hard for her to leave him hanging, hurting about that terrible moment in his life.

"I've got to go, Nathan. I have a Psychology exam tomorrow. Please don't bother me this late again."

He didn't reply so she hung up the phone and pulled the covers under her chin. She wanted very badly to go back to her dream and talk more to Jamie. She wanted to remind him that she loved her Nathan very much, no matter how far apart they drifted.

It was getting so hard to distinguish though. Her Nathan; their Nathan. It was all running together.

It was nights like these when she knew sleep would never come.

------------

Nathan's odd calls continued throughout exam week. Haley assumed by the frequency of the calls that he would start trying to think of the next absurd question he could ask as soon as she hung up on him. Sometimes she didn't even answer, but he would just keep calling and the constant ringing was getting on Lucas' nerves.

Sometimes she would amuse him and answer the question he would throw out. More often than not though, she would refuse to answer, always citing she had nothing to prove to him.

Friday morning found her and Lucas both on the floor of their den cramming for their last exams, each of which took place that afternoon.

Chris Keller's voice filled the air and Haley looked instinctively at her phone. She had already ignored three of his calls this morning, so she figured she might as well answer it. She picked up the phone and flipped it open.

"What did I dress up as for Halloween of '94?"

Despite his inability to see her, she threw her hands in the air. "How would I possibly know that? You probably don't even know that!"

"I do."

She quirked an eyebrow. "Do you have the picture sitting in front of you?"

"Whatever," he returned, telling her that her assumption was correct.

"I have an exam in two hours. Goodbye." She hung up the phone and tossed it unceremoniously onto the floor next to her.

"Who was that?" Lucas asked, looking up from his book.

"Wrong number," Haley replied distractedly. Lucas raised an eyebrow but held his tongue.

They both sat in silence for a few moments, Haley still fuming over Nathan's stupidity. Suddenly, Lucas looked up from his books.

"I've been meaning to ask you… Do you want to come to my house for Christmas this year?"

"What?" Haley asked, tearing her mind away from Nathan Scott.

"I just thought you might like to come home and spend Christmas with us. Mom said she'd love to have you."

Haley stared at him for a moment, trying to process. "…because my parents aren't here," she returned, unsure.

"Well, yeah. You said a couple of weeks ago their latest letter said they were in Montreal, didn't you?"

"Oh, did I? Yeah, I guess they are. They've been gone since I came to college, huh?"

Luke nodded. "I know you went to Chase's for Christmas last year, but I figured-"

Haley cut him off. "Chase's?"

"You know, Chase Adams. Your ex-boyfriend," Lucas went on, a frown forming on his face.

"The clean teen Chase?" she asked, her eyes widening. Had she _dated_ him?

"Well, you were both clean teens, but yes. Chase the clean teen."

"I'm sorry, Luke," Haley said, putting a hand to her forehead. "It's all these exams. My brain is totally fried." She smiled at him apologetically and he gave her a half-smile in return that she could tell was anything but genuine.

"So," he continued, "do you want to come home with me for Christmas?"

Haley hadn't even thought about Christmas. She wondered why it hadn't crossed her mind immediately; of course as soon as exams ended, students went home for winter break to spend Christmas with their families. When she thought about it though, she knew why it hadn't entered her mind. She had never had to worry going home to be with her family during college; she was always with her family.

That thought took her back to all the wonderful Christmases Nathan, Jamie, and she had spent together. She thought back to Jamie's first Christmas and his amazement with the small tree she and Nathan had put up in their apartment. She remembered when she and Nathan had taken Jamie to meet Santa Claus for the first time. He had let out an unearthly scream when they tried to sit him on Santa Claus' lap. So Haley had put Jamie in her lap and sat on Santa Claus' lap with him, Nathan looking on jealously…

"Hales." Lucas waved a hand in her face, bringing her crashing back to earth.

"What? Oh, yeah. You know, Lucas, I think I'd rather stay here for Christmas."

"Alone?" he asked, looking confused.

"You should be with you family on Christmas," she said sadly.

"Hales, you know you're like family to us."

"I know, Luke, but I'd rather stay here."

He looked a tad confused but did not question her anymore. Haley turned back to her books, trying not to succumb to tears. She should have been back in her home by now. She should be there for Christmas. She shouldn't be here for Christmas, without her family. She knew she couldn't face it at Lucas', knowing what she knew.

A thought that had been hovering around her more and more lately finally gripped her._What if none of it was real? What if I imagined it all and this is really my life and I've gone crazy? Maybe Nathan never loved me, maybe Jamie was just…_

"Hales, are you ok?"

"What?" She looked back up, blinking several times.

He laid down the book he was looking at to study her. "You just don't seem like yourself lately."

"I told you," Haley replied, not at all surprised that Lucas had noticed the change in her behavior. "It's just these exams."

"It's not," he said, shaking his head. "Hales, you've been acting different for weeks. You're always looking sad or out of it and now you're getting these phone calls at all hours of the day. It's just unusual for me to not know what's going on with you. If there's something, you need to tell me."

"Luke, I-" Haley stared at him sadly, at a loss for words. "I wish I _could_explain it but I can't. I'm just going through some stuff right now."

Lucas nodded, putting his arm around his best friend. "Ok, I understand. As long as you understand that I'm here for you."

She smiled up at him. "I know. I'll get through this."

He rubbed a soothing hand on her back. "I know you will. Cause you're one tough little girl."

"Big girl," she corrected.

"Well," he bobbed his head, "that remains to be seen."

"Luke!" She shoved him playfully. She wriggled out of his grasp and got up from the floor, feeling moderately better. "I'm going to go get dressed."

Haley went to her room and threw on a pair of sweat pants. She began to go through her drawer looked for a t-shirt, when the shining of her ring caught her eye. She stared at it for a second, feeling around the ring for the words on it. She let out sigh of relief. "Of course it's real," she whispered to herself.

She stopped short as she heard Lucas' voice in the den. Wondering who he could be talking to, she walked out of her room. Suddenly, an angry yell made her stop short.

"What the _hell_ are you doing calling my best friend?!"

Luke!" She dashed into the den and pulled her phone out of Lucas' hand. She heard Nathan cursing on the other end so she slammed the phone closed. He stared up at her with a very accusing face.

"Has he been calling you?"

"What?"

"Nathan! Has he been calling you?!"

"Why would you ask that?"

"I was going through your phone and I noticed every call was from the same number, so I dialed it. And guess who picked up?"

"Lucas, why would you go through my phone?" she asked, annoyed.

"That's not the point! Has he been calling you?"

"This is none of your business!"

"It became my business when he brought you into the equation. It was one thing for him to torture me in high school, but if he doesn't stay away from you- is this why you have been acting so odd lately?"

"You wouldn't understand," Haley replied.

He gave her a cold look. "No, I suppose when you have problems, you'd rather talk to the other Scott." He sat up and went to grab his keys from the counter. He headed toward the door.

"Luke!"

"Hales, can we please just talk later?" he asked before wrenching open the door and walking out.

All the good feelings Haley had just had instantly vanished. Her mood did not improve as the day wore on, bring with it an especially hard psychology exam and a lonely lunch in Duke's cafeteria.

She was sitting at her table eating when her phone went off _again_ and she managed to answer it before Chris even got to his first 'missing you.'

"If you call me again, so help me I will-"

"Hales?"

Haley took her phone from her ear and looked at the front screen. She laughed in relief when she saw the name on it.

"Marcus! I'm so sorry. Some jerk has been calling my phone all week. What are you up to?!"

He didn't answer her question. "Please tell me you're still on campus."

"I am. I'm in the cafeteria."

"Don't move." She heard nothing else and looked at the phone curiously. It showed that the call had ended. She hung up, grinning to herself.

A few moments later, the dark figure of Marcus was sauntering up to her table. "Hey, baby girl." He slid in across from her. "What 'chu doing?"

She giggled. "Hey, Marcus."

"So, ask me what I got for my favorite tutor."

"What did you get for your favorite tutor?"

"Along with an A in Creative Writing…" He stuck his hand in his pocket and whipped out what looked to be a blue piece of paper. "A ticket to our game next week."

"Oh, Marcus, thanks!" she said, pulling the ticket out of his hand to study it. It proclaimed that the Blue Devils would be playing East Carolina on December 22 at 7:00 pm. "This is really sweet."

"Yeah. There won't be many people there because of Christmas break and this seat is off the hook. You will be there, won't you?" he asked quickly.

"Of course."

"Good."

She looked up from the ticket. "Don't you get to go home for Christmas?"

He shook his head. "Nah. We have that game on Tuesday and a tournament that starts the day after Christmas. I couldn't fly to Chicago in that amount of time. I get to go home for New Year's though."

"I'm sorry, Marcus. If it makes you feel any better, even if I went home for Christmas, no one would be there."

"Sorry, Hales."

"Trust me, that's the least of my worries."

"So, you coming to my game?"

"Wouldn't miss it for the world."

------------

Haley drove over to Cameron Indoor the next Tuesday, securely wrapped up in a jacket. To say it was freezing outside would have been a bit of an understatement.

It had been getting a little lonely in the apartment since Lucas had left for the holidays. After their argument, she had explained to Lucas that Nathan was calling about tutoring. Though he had been much friendlier after that, he didn't seem completely convinced. Her suspicions were confirmed when his goodbye on Saturday night was decidedly cold.

Nathan had thankfully stopped calling. If she admitted it to herself, though, she knew she missed his voice just a little bit.

Since she had left early, she got a very good parking spot close to the gymnasium. Marcus had been right when he said not many people would be there since Christmas break had started.

Her seat wasn't hard to find as it was courtside. Since she was early, the team was still out on the court warming up. Her eyes automatically sought out the form of Nathan Scott. He was one of the shorter boys on the team, but he also looked to be one of the most talented. _And a fan favorite_, she thought as a quick look around the gym revealed an absurdly large number of Nathan Scott jerseys being worn. She realized Marcus had gotten her exceptionally good seats because she was not in the student section.

Not long after the team had left the court, she heard a familiar voice coming up from behind her.

"And he seemed to be under the impression that alcohol is free!"

Haley turned in her seat and saw Peyton Sawyer and Brooke Davis walking through the aisle toward her.

"Haley!" Peyton called, plopping down in the seat next to her.

"Peyton!" she replied.

"Brooke!" Brooke yelled out.

"Oh, sorry. Haley, this is Brooke Davis. Brooke, this is Haley. She used to go to Tree Hill and she goes to Duke now."

"You're Lucas Scott's friend, right? I didn't know you went to Tree Hill."

"Yes and yes," Haley responded.

"So, which one of these fine basketball players do you date?" Brooke asked.

"Excuse me?"

Peyton rolled her eyes at Brooke. "This section is unofficially called 'The Girlfriend Section,'" Peyton explained, making air quotes. "Because all the players get one extra ticket before the game and usually they give it to their girlfriend. What Brooke fails to mention is that she is not a girlfriend either. So, let me rephrase for her and ask who gave you his ticket?"

"Marcus."

"Oh, he is fine!" Brooke said, giggling. "Well, I have Chad's. Do you want to trade?"

Haley laughed. She specifically remembered Chad.

"And while we're at it, can I have Lucas too?" Brooke continued.

Peyton raised an eyebrow. "Anyway…"

"Duke University welcomes you to Cameron Indoor Stadium," came a loud voice over the speakers as the lights dimmed.

Haley sat back in her seat to enjoy the game. When they introduced the players, Nathan easily got the biggest cheer. She was used to this though.

The game was an easy win for Duke and everyone was already very bored halfway through the second half. Haley enjoyed talking to Peyton and Brooke. Brooke was a tad on the obnoxious side but Haley decided to forgive this due to the fact that she knew Brooke's high school years would have been significantly different without her and Lucas.

As the game ended, Haley turned to leave when Peyton grabbed her arm. "Do you want to go tell them good game?"

"We're not allowed to meet them after the game, are we?"

Brooke laughed. "She so naïve, Peyton. Let's keep her!"

"We'll show you where they come out," Peyton promised.

The three walked down on the court where some of the Cameron Crazies were celebrating the victory and parted through the people. They approached a side door that was being guarded by a Duke employee.

"Hey, Peyton," he greeted. "Brooke."

As they walked through, he put out a hand to stop Haley. "Come on, girls, you know I can't let you just bring people with you."

"Haley, show him your ticket," Peyton instructed.

Haley fished her ticket out of her purse and showed it to the man. He let her through and she followed Peyton and Brooke through a hallway and into another, bigger room where there were a couple more girls standing around, who all greeted Brooke and Peyton by name.

They sat around for a few minutes when a door to their left finally opened. The boys spilled out of it, all dressed in some form of sweat suit and with gym bags draped over their arms. The boys immediately flocked to their respective girlfriends.

Marcus walked out next to Chad and Haley dashed up to give him a hug. "Great game, Marcus!"

He smiled. "Thanks, Haley. I didn't expect to see you out here."

Haley pulled back from him and looked over at Chad.

"Do I get a hug?" he asked, his eyes sweeping over her body.

She smiled sheepishly and gave Chad a quick hug. "You sat on the bench wonderfully, Chad."

Marcus burst out laughing, as did two girls behind Haley. She turned to see that Peyton and Brooke had walked up behind her to talk to the boys. "And she's got a mouth, too," Brooke said, laughing.

Chad did not show embarrassment though. On the contrary, he seemed quite please. "So, you were watching me?"

A hand came out of nowhere to smack Chad in the back of the head.

"Dammit, Nathan!" He rubbed the spot where Nathan had just struck him.

Nathan met Haley's eye momentarily as he walked to wrap his arms around Peyton. Peyton game him a weak grin. "Good game."

"Thanks, baby," he replied, leaning down to kiss her. He looked back up and wasted no time in staring Haley down. He bent back toward Peyton and attached his lips to her neck. Haley looked away.

"Nathan, seriously, stop," Peyton said, swatting him away.

Nathan pulled away as Brooke laughed. "Get a room, you two!"

Nathan draped an arm around Peyton and caught Haley's eye again. "I plan to."

"So, what are you lovely ladies doing for the rest of the night?" Marcus asked.

"Something incredibly dull, I'm sure," Brooke chanted.

"We should all go out," Chad said, looking around at the group. "If you two can keep your hormones in check for that long." He looked pointedly at Peyton and Nathan.

"Let's do it," Peyton said. "It'll be fun."

"Hales, you up for it?" Marcus asked, looking toward her.

She shrugged. "I guess."

"You and Nathan have to make a truce," Marcus told them.

"I'll be nice if she will," Nathan said, his trademark smirk in place.

Haley raised an eyebrow and glared back at him coldly. Peyton glanced between the two of them, looking confused. It hadn't even crossed her mind that Nathan and Haley knew each other, much less that they didn't get along.

"Promise to play nice, James?" Nathan asked, sticking his hand out for Haley to shake.

"I think I told you about touching," she muttered to him, barely moving her lips.

She turned away from his still outstretched hand and clapped her hands together, smiling at the others. "If I can't say anything nice, I won't say anything at all. It's not like Nathan's been calling my phone all week, annoying me." She glanced at him and he looked very guilty for a moment. "If he did that, I'd really hate him."

"So, we're going?" Chad asked, looking amused by the entire confrontation.

"We're going," Nathan affirmed.

Brooke mimicked Haley and clapped her hands together. "All right! This is way better than dull!"

Haley cursed under her breath. "Yipee."

* * *

A/N: Yes, I have exams on the mind. I am so psyched for Christmas though. Not real Christmas, Christmas in this story! Lol

So, a lot of people have been asking if this is a Leyton or Brucas. The truth is, I'm pretty undecided. I've been toying with the idea of both but if it is either, it will not be a nauseating amount that would alienate any reader. This story is about Naley, and mostly Lucas, Peyton, and Brooke are just secondary characters. Which is totally how I think the show should be, but that's way out of my control. I like them all as characters, I'm just not attached to any of their relationships.

Want to know something random? Someone told me to put more Pathan in (this is not meant to insult that reviewer, it was just random). It might just be me, but I don't think I would ever want to be in the kind of relationship Pathan has in this story; I thought I was writing it as a pretty disgustingly using relationship…anyway, sorry for the insanely long author's note. I go on rants sometimes.


	7. Strike Three, You're Out

A/N: So, when I first started writing this chapter, I wasn't sure if I'd have enough to make a long enough chapter or that it'd come out really short… boy, was I wrong.

* * *

"What are you doing?" Haley asked as Nathan fell into step next to her on the way to her car.

"Going to my car," Nathan replied, shrugging. "Is that ok with you?"

"Do whatever you want."

He smirked at her. "I will." He took his phone from his pocket and made a quick call. "Hey, man. Yeah, me and Haley are both parked over here behind the gym. So just swing by and pick us up when you're all ready. Ok? Bye." He put the phone back in his pocket and glanced at Haley. "Unless you have a problem with that, Princess?"

"It doesn't affect me, you know."

He sighed. "What doesn't affect you?"

"You. All this stuff you keep doing to hurt me. It doesn't work."

"Oh, really? Because you just looked thrilled when I was kissing Peyton."

"Your maturity amazes me. 'Look, I'm going to kiss my girlfriend to make another girl jealous,'" she mocked.

A laugh escaped Nathan's lips and she looked at him quickly. He shrugged. "Sorry."

"Are you apologizing for your actions or are you apologizing for laughing at me?" She parted from him as she reached her car and unlocked the door. As luck would have it, he was parked right next to her. She wondered if she would ever get a break.

"Whichever you want," he yelled over the top of his SUV. "But whichever you pick, I'm not sorry for the other one."

She rolled her eyes as she reached around in her car, pulling money out of her dashboard and checking her reflection in the mirror. Once she had locked the door, she went to sit on the front hood of her car.

In less than a moment, Nathan was there next to her. "They should be here in a minute."

Haley nodded, pulling her coat tighter around herself. Nathan glanced over at her.

"Are you cold?"

"Why? Hoping I'll die of hypothermia?"

"Come on, Haley, don't be so dramatic. I was just asking."

"If you offer me your coat, I'm going to deck you once and for all."

He smirked again. She just had this charm in the way she insulted him.

"Do you like him?" Nathan instantly berated himself. He had not meant to let this question slip out.

She could not help but turn and stare at him. "What are you talking about?"

He knew he had to finish his thought now. "Marcus. Do you like him?"

Haley rolled her eyes. "You're just asking that to annoy me."

His eyes shifted uncomfortably. "No, I'm not."

"Of course I don't like him. I'm in love with another man."

Nathan was glad she wasn't looking at him. Her little comment had tricked him into smiling and he hated that. He hated that it had been killing him that he hadn't seen her in almost a week. Everything about her was killing him and he couldn't think about what that might mean.

Despite his best intentions not to, he was starting to believe everything she said was true. But before there had always been the small voice in the back of his brain whispering that it couldn't be true because he could never fall for a girl like Haley. But the truth was she was starting to put that theory to the test. Haley James invaded his mind constantly and he barely knew her. Two weeks ago, she had been a short little girl making up a reason to talk to him, but now… now he didn't know what to think. She was by no means the little girl he had imagined; she was fiery and sharp and… _gorgeous_. And she was genuinely in love with someone who was supposed to be him, only not, which made the entire thing so much more confusing.

"So, what did your favorite Scott have to say about my little phone call?" Nathan asked, trying to bat away the thoughts running around in his head.

Haley crossed her arms in that stubborn way he was already used to and looked at him coldly. "Oh, did I forget to thank you for that? Well Nathan, thanks for ruining my relationship with the one friend I have here."

"Oh, come on…" He rolled his eyes. "Lucas loves you. He has since high school."

Her eyes narrowed. "How would you know that?"

"It's not like I never noticed you in high school. You were like his little lap dog or something."

"You didn't even recognize me when I saw you in the tutoring center."

His eyes unconsciously roved over her body. "I wasn't paying attention and I was expecting my tutor. Besides, you look different. I knew exactly who you were once you explained everything. Without the whole 'I'm from another world' voodoo."

"Ha ha," she replied sarcastically, turning away from him again.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything about it. I'll stop bringing it up." Nathan instantly berated himself for being nice. He obviously needed to steer clear of Haley.

Haley turned to look at him in surprise. He had offered to stop when she hadn't even told him to. They stared at each other silently for a few moments and Haley opened her mouth to speak. Before she could think of the words to say, an over sized Land Rover pulled up next to them, Marcus' head stuck out the passenger's window.

"You two ready to go?" Chad yelled across Marcus from the driver's seat.

Haley and Nathan broke eye contact and moved to get into the car. Peyton and Brooke were sitting in the front row of seats. Haley was horrified at the thought of sitting in the back with Nathan. Luckily Nathan gave her an easy out. "Peyton, sit in the back with me."

Brooke threw her arms around Peyton though. "Uh-uh, lover boy. P. Sawyer's mine. You can sit in the back with your archenemy."

Nathan sighed audibly as he went to sit in the back. Haley didn't look at Nathan as she plopped down next to him. "We aren't archenemies."

"That's not the way Marcus tells it," Brooke replied with a cheeky grin.

"Marcus doesn't know when to shut his mouth," Nathan said moodily.

"What's gotten into you?" Peyton asked, turning to look at Nathan as Chad took off down the road.

"I just don't see why you couldn't sit back here with me," Nathan complained, his voice revealing anger.

Brooke turned to him. "Because, contrary to popular belief, you don't own Peyton."

"Why don't you just shut up and turn around Brooke."

"Don't talk to her like that!" Haley found herself saying.

Nathan turned to look at her. "I know no one asked you. Just because you're Marcus' tutor doesn't put you automatically into our crowd or something."

"What the hell has gotten into you, Nathan?" Marcus asked from the front, looking angry.

"Don't you dare talk to Haley like that," Peyton warned.

"I don't see why we had to go in this crowded-ass car!" Nathan shouted, causing everyone in the car to stare at him. Haley could instantly see that he had just pulled that excuse out of thin air.

"Dude, chill out!" Chad yelled into the back seat. "I'm trying to drive."

No one said anything for the rest of the ride but Haley found her eyes on Nathan the entire time. She didn't understand why he had suddenly gotten so angry. It was so uncharacteristic of Nathan to lose his cool like that over nothing. It bothered her greatly because so far, it had been easy for her to read this Nathan; he had been so in line with her Nathan. Now, she didn't know what he was thinking, and that didn't sit right with her. It was Nathan Scott; she should know him. Period.

Haley had no idea where they were headed until she looked up and saw 'King Pin Bowling' flashing on a sign in front of her. She smiled to herself for a moment before looking back down and catching Nathan watching her. Not knowing why she was doing it, she kept smiling at him. And despite his angry body language, he smirked back just a little.

The six of them piled out of the Land Rover and began walking to the building. Nathan had rushed away to grab Peyton's hand and Haley watched from behind, feeling a little let down. She felt a person coming up behind her though and turned to see Chad.

"This was a good idea," she told him. She involuntarily shivered.

"Cold?" Chad asked, slipping his jacket off before she could say anything. He put it around her shoulders and she smiled gratefully.

"A little." He held open the door for her and she walked through, feeling a little embarrassed. Marcus was already at the front counter and seemed to be paying for everyone's shoe rental.

"Marcus, you don't have to do that!" Haley said, going for the wallet in her purse.

"I got this, Hales. The way I see it I gotta pay for Nate's cause he's a superstar and since Nate would be paying for his girlfriend, I gotta pay for her. Chad sure ain't got enough money to pay for himself, plus his mom's making me Christmas dinner. And you know I got to pay for you and Brooke. That's just not up for discussion. So I got it."

"Come on, Haley. I'm about to teach you how to bowl," Chad said, putting an arm around her. Haley shifted a little uncomfortably. Unlike when Lucas or Marcus put an arm around her, Haley felt Chad's arm was a little less than platonic. She decided to overlook that though and let him lead her over to a set of lanes. What she didn't see was Nathan completely tense up as Chad made it very obvious that he was trying to flirt with Haley.

Nathan, Peyton, and Brooke waited until Marcus had paid and told the man at the counter their shoe sizes. All three walked over to where Haley and Chad were sitting, while Marcus headed towards the water fountain.

"Me and Peyton are going to go to the bathroom," Brooke said, grabbing Peyton's arms and dragging her away before either had put on their shoes.

"I'll go get our shoes," Chad told Haley. "What size?" he asked, standing up.

"Six," she replied, watching him walk away, and leaving her sitting in an uncomfortable silence with Nathan.

"You didn't deck him."

Haley looked up from her lap to see Nathan staring at the jacket she was wearing. "What?"

"So, it didn't have anything to do with not wanting a jacket, you just didn't want_my_ jacket, is that it?"

Haley was confused. Nathan had seemed to be getting over his bout of anger as they had arrived at the bowling alley. But now he was looking mad as ever. "He didn't even ask, he just gave it to me."

"So, when you said you didn't like Marcus because you were in love with another man, it didn't mean you couldn't like _other_ guys, it just meant you weren't into Marcus?"

Haley rolled her eyes, shook her head, and turned away from him. "You're unbelievable. I don't have time for your little mind games. You're crazy."

"_I'm _crazy?"

"Yes, what do you think I'm like… oh, I don't know, somehow cheating on _you_ or something-?"

Haley ended the conversation with that because Chad was walking back over to them. He stopped in front of Haley. "They didn't have a six, just six and a half. Is that ok?" Chad asked, offering out a pair of small bowling shoes to Haley.

"It's fine," she said, trying to compose herself. Nathan turned away from her and soon Peyton, Brooke, and Marcus had all returned. Brooke had interested herself with the computer and typing in everyone's name. While they were all busy trying to decide on what names to put in for themselves, Haley uneasily shifted Chad's coat off of her shoulders.

"Ok," Brooke announced, trying to back everyone away from the keyboard. "On the Bros side, we've got The Dark Wonder," she pointed at Marcus, "sexxi chad," she indicated the tall boy, "and Grumpy." She pointed over at Nathan who was sitting to the side by himself, not saying anything. "And for Hoes, we have Goldilocks and…" She trailed off, having not yet decided on a nickname for Haley. "What about Hot Tutor?" she asked, glancing over at Haley.

She shrugged. "It's better than Tutor Girl."

Brooke clapped her hands together. "Tutor Girl, that's great!" She erased where she had been typing in 'Hot Tutor' and changed the words to read 'Tutor Girl.' "So, for the Hoes side, we have Goldilocks, Tutor Girl, and The Most Wonderful Person in the Universe, me," she said, finishing typing with a flourish.

"Ok, can we bowl now?" Chad asked, already trying to go for a ball.

"Yes, we can bowl now," Brooke announced.

They all lounged around and took turns bowling. Nathan was very good but no one could have any fun with him because he was being so moody. Brooke had really had it right when she had put him in as 'Grumpy.' At the end of the first game, the Hoes score together did not even come close to matching the lowest score on the Bros team, which belonged to Chad, who wasted no time in proclaiming that it truly was 'bros over hoes.'

Haley had purposefully avoided Chad throughout the game, but around the eighth frame, Peyton had whispered to Haley not to read too much into the flirting because Chad was a huge flirt. Haley felt much more comfortable after that and realized that Chad was showing Brooke just as much attention as he was showing Haley.

"Do you guys want to bowl another one?" Marcus asked, looking around at his friends.

"Yeah, I'll get it," Brooke offered, standing up to get her purse.

"We should wait," Chad said. "Midnight bowling starts in twenty minutes and it's so much fun. The lights go out and we can bowl and dance." He looked pointedly over at Haley.

"You probably shouldn't dance, Chad," Nathan said, speaking for the first time in ten minutes. He had lied out across several chairs after the game had ended but he now lifted up to look over at the boy. "You'll just embarrass yourself."

Peyton turned to look at Nathan. "Shut up, Nathan. Everyone's sick of you."

He sighed and slumped back over into his earlier position.

"He's just pouting because he hasn't gotten any," Brooke leaned over and whispered to Haley. Haley tried to an offer a smile, but the truth was, that was the last thing she wanted to hear.

"So, once it hits twelve, does everyone know what the next day will be?" Marcus asked, his grin giving his excitement away.

"What?"

"Christmas Eve day!"

All the girls burst out laughing at Marcus' childlike enthusiasm. "What?" he asked, looking around at them all.

"What are you doing for Christmas, Marcus?" Brooke asked.

"I'm riding with Chad to his house in Raleigh. Having a good old family Christmas. You?"

"Peyton's dad is coming home and we're driving back to Tree Hill tomorrow morning."

Haley looked over at Peyton's eager face. "Are you excited?"

She couldn't hide her smile. "Unbelievably. What about you?"

Haley shrugged, trying not to let the others see how much this conversation was hurting her. "My parents are on a cross-country R.V. tour, so I'm just going to stay at the apartment."

"What?" Brooke asked, looking as if she was hearing of blasphemy. "You can't do that. You should come back with us or something!"

Haley shook her head. "Actually, you know, I'll probably be going to Luke's," she lied.

"Oh, well then I'm totally jealous. When are you driving back to Tree Hill, Nate?" Brooke asked, shaking his foot that was just in her reach.

"I'm not," he said from his lying position.

Haley had been feeling sorry for herself about Christmas again but Nathan's words shocked her out of it. She looked over at him. "What do you mean you're not?"

He glanced up at her, sighed and swung his feet back under him, sitting up. "I'm going to an athletes' banquet on Christmas Eve. It's a big deal to be invited to it and my dad said he'd rather me be there than at home because it would be better for my career."

All five of them were shocked into silence. Having heard many stories like this about Dan, Peyton was not surprised. Marcus and Chad had also had several run-ins with Nathan's infamous father and knew this was typical behavior for him. Haley, on the other hand, wanted so badly to put an arm around him and comfort him the way she normally would. That's what she was supposed to do. He was Nathan Scott and she was Nathan Scott's wife. That was how it should work.

But he _wasn't_ Nathan Scott.

_Why does this have to be so confusing?_ she thought to herself.

Through the silence, there was suddenly a low grumbling noise. Everyone turned to stare at Chad and he instantly looked guilty. "Sorry. Guess I'm hungry."

"You? I'm starving," Marcus added.

"I'll third that," Brooke said, throwing a hand in the air for good measure.

"I'll go buy everyone some food." Haley jumped at the chance because not only did she feel guilty about letting her friends spend so much money on her, she wanted to get away from all the heavy feelings weighing on her by being in this circle. She stood up and reached down for her purse.

"Wait, Haley, you won't be able to carry all that by yourself," Chad said. "I can-"

"I'll help her."

Everyone looked over at Nathan who had just jumped up from his seat and was now towering over Chad a little too threateningly. "What?"

"I said, I'll help her." Nathan looked over at Haley, who refused to completely meet his gaze. She looked around at the others, who looked more shocked at this than at Nathan not going home for Christmas.

"What does everyone want?" Haley asked meekly.

Everyone started shouting out orders so Haley had to reach in her purse and pull out her notepad to write down what everybody wanted. As she scribbled down everyone's orders, Nathan come to stand next to her, right at her shoulder. Haley felt so natural in this position. If he would've put his arm around her, she might have hugged him and started believing her Nathan had come to rescue her. As it was though, knowing it wasn't her Nathan was making her feel incredibly uncomfortable and despite herself, her heartbeat sped up to hummingbird pace.

Once Haley had everyone's orders, she turned and headed to the concession stand on the other side of the bowling alley, Nathan following after her, only momentarily noticing the odd looks all four of the others in their group were exchanging.

Once they were out of earshot, Haley found her voice again. "Why did you do that?"

"So Chad wouldn't," Nathan stated indignantly.

Haley sighed as she reached the counter. "Please stop this."

"Stop what?"

A boy who didn't look much older than sixteen was cleaning out the kernels in the bottom of the empty popcorn popper in the back. He looked up at where Haley and Nathan had just arrived and very obviously rolled his eyes. He took his head out of the popper and walked over to where they were standing.

"Can I help you with something?"

Haley pulled out her notepad. "I need two orders of French fries, three orders of chicken fingers, a hotdog, and for me, just a bag of M&M's. Nathan, what do you want?"

"One hotdog and a Snickers."

Without thinking, Haley blurted out, "He wants that hot dog burnt and no bun." She realized what she had said immediately and put her hand to her mouth. She turned to see Nathan staring at her. "Right?"

"Right," he told the boy, his eyes not leaving Haley's.

"Oh, and we'll need six drinks," Haley said, averting her eyes, and pulling out her wallet.

"Don't be stupid," Nathan said, recovering somewhat, pushing her hand aside. "I'll pay for it."

The boy on the other side of the counter was looking at them incredulously. "You can't be serious."

"What do you mean?" Haley asked, already annoyed at her slip and Nathan's attempt at chivalry.

"I just cleaned everything up! I'm going to have to pull everything back out to make all that. You can't actually be asking me to do that."

"That sign says you're open until 12:30," Haley pointed out.

"But I just cleaned up," the boy repeated, as if Haley was slightly dense.

Nathan slammed his fist down on the counter. "Listen, here, you little punk. You heard the order. The sign says you're still open. Now, get us the order or I'll have you fired."

The boy looked slightly intimidated, but obviously did not want to let it show. "Well, I'll have to turn everything back on for those chicken fingers. You'll have to wait."

"Go ahead then," Nathan said, through gritted teeth. "We don't have all day."

The boy turned away, still grumbling, but immediately got to work. Haley and Nathan both turned to lean on the counter and face the bowling alley. Haley saw Peyton watching the two of them and signaled to her that it would take some time. She nodded that she understood and continued whatever conversation the four of them were having.

"Thanks for helping me out," Haley told him.

Nathan shrugged. "I was hungry too. I wanted my burnt hot dog with no bun, right?"

Haley blushed slightly. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." He shook his head. "You know how I eat my hot dogs. It just doesn't seem possible."

"Probable, no. Possible? Apparently."

Nathan gave Haley a rare genuine smile and as if contagious, she felt one form on her face.

"You never told me what I'm supposed to stop," he said a few moments later, leaning further into the counter.

"Nathan, you know."

"No, I don't. Remember, I don't know you as well as you know me."

"Just stop this whole hot and cold thing you've got going on. You're acting like you're all happy-go-lucky one minute and the next you're breathing down everybody's throat."

"It's just…" Nathan sighed, not being able to voice exactly what it _just_ was. He hardly understood himself. "It's just Chad."

"What? You don't like Chad?"

Nathan shook his head. Chad was his teammate and he had always liked him a lot. But for some reason, the thought of him being there was driving him nuts. The truth was, Chad wasn't what it _just_ was. It was Haley. He didn't know how to voice that though. He didn't know how to express how he felt. And that was why he had lost all control of his emotions.

"Nathan?"

"Chad's fine. I'm just tired. I played my ass off in the game tonight and now everyone's expecting me to be ready to hang out all night. I just don't really feel like talking. Speaking of, why are you talking to me?"

"What?"

"You're talking to me like a civilized person. What's the deal?"

Haley rolled her eyes. "I should've known you couldn't be nice for that long."

"Usually, you're the one who's not being nice."

"That's not true."

"Whatever."

"Such a typical Nathan Scott answer."

"You don't know me."

"_What_ _is your problem_?" Haley hissed, so fed up with his attitude.

"That is the problem! You think you know me, but you don't. You can't. You haven't been here and I'm sick of the way you think you understand me. You may know what I like, and some random things that have happened to me, but you don't know me. You don't understand how I feel, you don't know how my life has been and you sure as hell can't understand the way I am. So quit trying!"

Haley was taken aback by his sudden outburst. She immediately realized she shouldn't be. This night, Nathan Scott had been the most random person she had ever met in her life. For the first time, she realized that she truly had lost touch with him. She had been putting her own Nathan on him and they were nothing alike.

"You're right. Every moment I have spent talking to you has been a huge waste of time I should be trying to find a way back. You're not worth the time." They sat silently glaring at each other. Haley wondered how it was possible she had actually been starting to think he might not be so bad for a few minutes.

"Here's your food."

They both turned around to see the pouty boy pushing their food at them. Nathan paid as Haley gathered the things in her arms. He took up the remaining items so they could carry them back to their friends. Haley felt the tray of drinks slipping out of her hands and Nathan with his go-to reflexes, grabbed it before they all fell. "Thanks."

He shrugged as they walked back to their friends. They passed the food out and then went to sit down in chairs on opposite sides of their groups of seats, Chad turning his attention away from Brooke and back to Haley.

Nathan didn't say another word the rest of the night.

* * *

A/N: OK, so I'm a bit unsure about this chapter. I think it's kind of random, but in the end, I'm actually pretty happy with it. I just hope it doesn't jump around too much and I hope Nathan came off the way I intended him to. Here's a warning, another rant coming your way:

So, I'm sorry for having so much OCs in this chapter, but the truth is, I would rather have characters from the show, it just doesn't seem plausible. I'm trying to keep this as realistic as possible but it was hard enough keeping the core five all in the same area, so to keep our secondary characters just isn't feasible, hence why we have Marcus and Chad. Also, many people wouldn't have been as close because of the storyline. But when we get back to Tree Hill (and we will), hopefully, we will see all of our favorite secondary characters (Skills, Mouth, Rachel, Bevin, etc.) end rant


	8. Holding On is Like Letting Go

A/n: So, here's a fun writer's tidbit. I wanted to use the f-word twice in this chapter but reigned myself so that I wouldn't raise the rating. I find that hilarious.

Anyway, a major chapter is coming your way (sorry for taking so long, but the holidays have actually slowed my speed instead of increasing it). Also, the angst alert is on high.

* * *

The credits started rolling on _Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer_ and Haley found herself wiping tears from her face. She felt so silly crying during_Rudolph_, but this was Jamie's favorite Christmas movie (and subsequently, Nathan's).

It was nine o'clock on Christmas Eve and Haley was curled up on the floor of her and Lucas' apartment. She wasn't positive if she had ever felt this lonely in her entire life. She wished she could just stop thinking. Stop thinking about her little boy with Christmas lights twinkling in his dark blue eyes. Looking into his father's same blue eyes. Imagining putting out the gifts for Jamie later. They were so happy before…before the accident. Before Nathan had begun to pull away from their family.

Haley was startled out of her reverie by her phone going off next to her head. She sat up and grabbed it, smiling when she saw the name on front.

She wiped away at her tears, even though he couldn't see them, and answered as cheerfully as possible. "You better be desperately missing me!"

"I am, I am!" Lucas promised back through the phone.

"Good to know," she replied, smiling for probably the first time all day.

"I was just sitting here worrying about you."

"Aw, Luke, I'm sorry. You don't have to worry about me. How's the family?"

"Great. Keith's here."

"Keith?" Haley asked, her heart speeding up a little.

"Yeah, Keith Scott."

"Of course," Haley replied.

"Anyway, you have to promise me you'll come back to Tree Hill for New Year's."

"Luke…"HHH

"Haley, please. I already miss my buddy. Come on, don't you remember when we used to tear this town up?"

Haley burst out laughing. "And when did we do that?"

She could hear his smile through the phone. "You know what I mean, Hales."

"I know-" Haley was interrupted by her phone beeping in her ear. "Hang on a sec, Luke, I have a beep." Haley pressed the send button on her phone, switching over to the other line.

"Hello?"

"Haley?"

She sighed. "Nathan, what- hang on a second."

Haley switched back over to her other line, trying hard not to roll her eyes. "Lucas, can I call you back? I have a problem to deal with."

"What is it? Hales, are you all right?"

"I'm fine. Nothing I can't handle. Once again, Lucas, I am a big girl."

He sighed. "I know. Doesn't mean I don't want to protect you."

"I know."

"Promise you'll be here for New Year's."

She knew she had to give in. "I promise."

"All right. Love you, little buddy."

"Bye, Luke." She switched back over to the other line, bracing herself for another confrontation with Nathan.

"So, Nate, looking to yell at me some more?"

"About time."

"Oh, why don't you just kiss my-"

"Haley, look, I didn't call to argue with you."

She gave a humorless laugh so that he would know she didn't believe him.

"I just remembered what you said you were doing on Christmas Eve and I thought-"

"I said I was probably going to Lucas'."

"Yeah, but you were lying," he said instantly.

"How would you know?"

"Believe me, I've lied enough to know when somebody's lying."

"Why am I not surprised?"

"Listen, Haley. I was just here by myself and I figured you could use some company."

"You have got to be kidding me."

"Come on, Haley. This isn't about you and me. I just think…" He blew out a frustrated breath into the phone. "I don't know."

Haley sat silently, wondering what had gotten into him. Whatever it was, she was not going to let him out of it. She waited until he finally got to his point.

"No one should be alone on Christmas, Haley."

His words tugged at her heartstrings. It was something so Nathan to say. God, she missed that. "Where are you?"

------------

Haley pulled her car up right next to Nathan's in front of the door he had said would be unlocked. She slammed her car door, shoving her hands into the front of the overlarge UNC sweatshirt she had smuggled out of Lucas' room. The door was a hidden side door and she felt very shady sneaking into it. The second door on the left instantly opened, just as Nathan said it would. Haley slipped in and listened to the lock click behind her.

She had walked into a dark storage room. She followed the miniscule bit of light she could see coming through a small glass pane in the door. As she walked through the door into a long hallway, another lock clicked. She knew she was now utterly trapped and was starting to wonder if this was a good idea

She made her way down a dimly lit hallway that eventually led to a pair of double doors. She walked through and found herself staring at the gym of Cameron Indoor Stadium. She looked around and saw the bleachers surrounding her on all sides. At the top of the gym was the four-sided scoreboard she had had to watch Nathan's giant face on during the game the night before.

Her eyes traced back through the darkened gym and she finally spotted him. He was lying on the floor under one of the baskets, tossing a basketball into the air. He always had said during high school that he was 'practicing his spin.' She allowed herself a little smile and quickly wiped it away as she approached him.

"Breaking and entering."

He caught the ball and looked toward her. "Merry Christmas to you too."

"How'd you get this place opened?" she questioned.

He smirked. "I know people….like the janitor."

She put her hands out by her side. "You got me here. I guess the real question is what are you going to do with my body when you get done?"

Nathan threw his head back and could not even prevent the laughter. "I've been scoping out the bleachers, but I'm thinking you'd somehow get out of it."

"Probably," she agreed, stepping right over him.

His eyes roamed over her outfit. Sweatpants and Lucas' aforementioned sweatshirt. He smirked. "If anyone catches you in this stadium with _that_ sweatshirt, I won't even have to bother."

She looked down at the baby blue letters and rolled her eyes. "Is it really that big of a deal?"

He sat up, staring at her. "What planet did you drop in off of?"

"Funny," she deadpanned. "So what's the real reason you wanted me to come here?"

He shrugged, not really meeting her eye. "What I said. It's Christmas. I was here. By myself."

Haley sat down on the floor in front of him and crossed her legs Indian-style. "And your first instinct was to call me? Because we get along so well?"

"Because I knew you were alone too. And I was just here. And it's Christmas. And I didn't really think you'd come," he rushed out quickly. Haley hated herself because she was endeared to him all over again. How flustered he looked. Not at all with his usual cocky smirk. She remembered how unsure he had often seemed when they had first started dating. She realized that for the first time she was seeing this new Nathan with his guard down.

"Yeah, I didn't think so either," she admitted, showing him a small smile in return for his seemingly thoughtful gesture.

"Then why did you?"

She sighed. "Nathan…I can't really tell you."

"Why?"

"It's personal. It's just- you wouldn't understand."

He turned away and she almost could _see_ his walls going up again. "Whatever."

"I miss you, all right!" she blurted out.

He quirked an eyebrow. "Me?"

"Dammit, not you! But Nathan, _my_ Nathan! I miss him and I miss our Christmas and I just want to go home!" She could feel tears streaming down her face and she wiped at them, angry she had let herself cry in front of him.

"You can't just expect me to believe that, Haley!" he finally said.

"I don't expect you to believe anything!" she shot back, trying to overpower sadness with anger.

"Then _why_ do you keep telling me this stuff!"

"Because I don't know who else to tell! I have no one else."

"You're lying! You have to be."

"P-please…just-" She was choking on her words now and she knew she couldn't muster any more. She stood up and walked away from him. She took a seat in the bleachers and turned away, finally letting herself break down. She had been hiding it from every one, crying silently and holding it all in. but now, she let everything out. She sobbed, loud cries that wracked her entire body, that seemed to tear from her very soul.

She felt him behind her. She could sense him anywhere. He sat down on the bleacher next to her, facing the opposite direction. His hand went up, unsure, reaching out to touch her, but she scooted away before he got the chance. She tried to quiet her tears, reigning in her emotions. She already couldn't believe she had let him see her so vulnerable.

"What's he like?"

A sob caught in her throat and she turned to look at him.

"What?"

"Your Nathan? What's he like?"

She looked hard at him, big brown eyes filled with unshed tears. She began to speak in a choked voice that sounded foreign even to her own ears. "He's the most loyal person I've ever met. He'd give up anything so that those around him would be happy." She wiped away a tear, feeling a calm sweep over her talking about the man she loved. "He loves me so much and so hard, sometimes even I can't comprehend it. He always says the right thing." She closed her eyes and a small laugh escaped her lips. "He's way too trusting. Always giving everyone a second chance." She opened her eyes with a small smile and abruptly found a pair of eyes, _his_ eyes, staring intently at her. She straightened her face and stared at him coldly. "And the only people he loves more in the world than his _brother_ are his wife and his son."

Nathan opened his mouth, but no words came out.

"It's Christmas. I just want to hold Jamie in my arms. Is that so much to ask?" Haley questioned desperately.

"Jamie?" he whispered.

"Our son. Mine and Nathan's, that is. Nathan was going to put up his first goal for him. Well, he _was_." _Before the accident_, she thought to herself.

"We have a son?" He spoke softly again.

She shook her head. "We don't have anything."

"I'm Nathan, Haley. You know that. That's why you came tonight," he informed her.

She threw up her heads in frustration. "Of course it is!" She made to leave, but he pulled her arm, forcing her to stay down. "Let me go!" she said angrily.

"Please don't leave. Not yet. I want to know about this."

"Nathan-"

"You said we were married. Where's your ring?" he asked, staring inquisitorially at her left hand.

She showed him her right hand. She pulled her ring off of the second finger and slid it on to her wedding finger on her left hand. "People kept asking about it."

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" she asked, staring at her ring back in its proper position.

"It's Christmas and you're stuck her with _me_. I'm such terrible company, my family didn't even want me home for Christmas." He let a humorless laugh escape him. "You have a family that you can't be with. You should be with your son on Christmas. You should be with your family on Christmas," he stated, his head downcast.

"Oh, Nathan!" She threw her arms around him without thinking, tugging at his shirt and burying her head in his chest in their natural position. He shifted uncomfortably for a moment, not sure what to do with his arms, and then ceremoniously pulled her closer so she could cling to him and even cry some more, if that was what she needed.

He felt so comfortable with her small frame against his body like this. In this moment, it felt so intimate, more so than any way he'd ever felt with Peyton.

Haley knew the moment she had done it that launching herself at Nathan was a bad idea. But she couldn't pull away. She couldn't turn down the comfort he was giving her right now. She just couldn't turn down the chance to be this close to Nathan Scott. Not when she needed someone so badly.

She had felt all his muscles stiffen when she had initially grabbed him. But gradually, he had relaxed. Now, one of his hands was resting on the small of her back and he was tracing small patterns there. She involuntarily shuddered. This was not a situation or a feeling she had anticipated.

_All right, Hales. You have to pull back on the count of three_, she told herself._One, two…THREE_.

As quickly as it had happened, she was out of his arms. Nathan felt suddenly very empty without her there. She scooted even farther away from him than she had initially been and wrapped her arms around herself. He understood that she had probably not wanted him to see her break down and was trying to build an even bigger distance to him than before. He couldn't blame her. He was thinking right now, it might be better if she scooted even farther down the bleachers.

He tilted his head and looked down at her awkwardly. "You can stay. If you want."

She nodded.

"I may be a jackass, but I generally don't bite," he said with a smirk.

She smiled back, forced he could tell, but scooted closer to him. He felt instantly better.

"Thank you," she said suddenly, turning to look at him. "For whatever this was. I was sitting in my apartment crying when you called. I needed this."

"You still cried," he pointed out.

"Yeah," she agreed. "But it's better when you have someone's shoulder to cry on. Even if he is a monumental bastard."

He joined in her laughter. He loved the sound of it.

_Wait, did you really just think that, you jackass?_ he scolded himself. _You like the sound of some chick's laughter?_

She looked up at him and bit her lip. He instantly wished she hadn't. It made him stare.

_Seriously, are you wondering what kind of chap stick she uses?_ himself asked._Snap out of it_.

Their eyes met and he saw the looked of realization on her face that he had been staring at her lips.

_Look at those eyes. How can someone look that innocent?_

_Stop being a girl! _his mind bit back.

_Believe me, if I'm being a girl, I'm the biggest lesbian in the entire world._

_It's _just_ a girl!_

_Look at this girl. This is not just a girl._

_You couldn't even stand her a few hours ago._

_I'm an idiot._

_You and you finally agree on something._

_Screw this!_

Nathan leaned forward and captured Haley's lips with his own. She sank in as his arms reached out to pull her body into his.

Haley opened her eyes abruptly and realized what was happening. She was kissing Nathan. She pulled back instantly.

She stood up and looked down at him angrily. "This isn't happening."

"Haley."

"Nathan, you can't stand me. You said so yourself. So, either one of two things is happening. You feel like you owe me something because I told you about my family or you think that you can say a couple of nice things and seduce me, which is ridiculous."

"I didn't mean anything by it," he said, his voice revealing that he was angry at her insinuations.

"Whatever." She stomped angrily down the bleachers and back onto the hardwood floor.

"I knew you were crazy!" he yelled after her as she headed towards the double doors that led back into the hallway.

"And I knew you were full of shit!" she yelled back, pulling the door open violently.

"Merry freaking Christmas!" was the last thing she heard as the door closed behind her.

Safely out of the gym, she stopped to lean against the cool brick wall, her eyes closed. She had almost given in to Nathan. She had wanted so badly to be in his arms again, kissing him, feeling him. Feeling _them_. She couldn't believe she had almost let him trick her into something.

She heard the sound of a basketball being dribbled on the other side of the door and blew out a long suffering breath.

Stuffing her hands back into her pockets, she made her way back out to her car and far far away from Nathan Scott.

* * *

A/N: I don't think it's normal to have author's notes before and after chapters but I like it so I do. Plus, I have a lot to say. Ok mainly just that I worked really hard on this chapter because besides the original scene where Haley tells Nathan about her world, this is the scene that's been planned the longest. Originally, it was going to take place at the docks, but when I moved them into college, it changed to Cameron Indoor. So, that's another fun little tidbit that doesn't matter. Please, just let me know what you think. Thanks so much to all my AMAZING reviews. Love you guys to pieces. 


	9. Now You See, Now You Don't

A/N: Another update? Yes! Thanks to all your kind words, I got my butt in gear and wrote this chapter. And I actually really like this one and I think some of you will too…

* * *

"Foul him, Marcus!"

Haley wasn't usually so vocal when watching basketball, especially not by herself, but she figured this had to be the best way to relieve some of her stress.

She was screaming at the t.v. from her couch, watching the Blue Devils take on Xavier University in a Holiday Classic. She rolled her eyes as one of the players she did not know hit Nathan mid-stride for an easy lay-up.

"Scott's really on fire tonight with a nice assist there from Deandre Alwood," the commentator said as Xavier took the ball out.

"Why don't you interview him?" she asked sarcastically, throwing a handful of popcorn into her mouth and chomping angrily.

"We actually caught the Blue Devils arriving earlier and you can see these fans really do love him," the other commentator said as a video showed on screen of the team getting off the bus in their blue sweat suits. Nathan stopped in front of several young boys, signing basketballs for them. She didn't know if it was because she was so accustomed to his voice or not, but she could just make out the words he was saying to them.

"You guys play?" he asked. They nodded in response, looking at him in awe.

"Who's your favorite player?" he continued, handing back their balls. Haley could just make out one of the boys saying 'you.'

A brilliant smile lit Nathan's face as he gave the boy a high five. "All right," he said, continuing his way into the locker room.

The game flashed back on as Nathan violently fouled one of the other players and the commentators laughed. "Well, that move isn't going to do him any favors."

Haley grabbed the remote and pushed the mute button. "Do they _ever_ stop talkingabout him?!"

Despite not wanting to face it, a new internal battle had begun raging in Haley's mind now. She had listened to the announcers talk about how good Nathan was, how he was a sure shot for the NBA. Though she could barely believe it, she had just seen his kindness to the young boys that looked up to him.

Maybe he was better off without her in his life.

After all, they had gone through hell and back together. Nathan had probably avoided a lot of pain without her in his life. Maybe she had been wrong in believing her Nathan was happier. In fact, she knew her Nathan was not happier than this one. Not currently, at least. He didn't get to see his dream of the NBA fulfilled.

In the past few weeks, she had begun to think that maybe she was the only one whose life was really made better because of Lucas winning the one-on-one game. Lucas was probably happier; he still had Keith. Nathan got to be a Duke Blue Devil, just like he had always dreamed. Brooke and Peyton's friendship was stronger than ever. They had never gone through the hardship of fighting over Lucas twice.

Her thoughts were interrupted by her phone ringing. She figured it was Lucas again. Since Christmas Eve, he had called at least three times a day just to make sure she was all right by herself and to check that she was still coming for New Year's.

The name that registered, however, was Peyton Sawyer.

"Hello?" she answered curiously.

"Hey, Haley. You watching the game?"

"Yeah," Haley said as she watched Marcus miss a three-pointer. "Is it just me or are these announcers in love with your boyfriend?"

Peyton laughed. "I know. It's enough to make a girl sick." Then off to the side, Haley head Peyton snip, "I know! I'll tell her."

"What?" Haley asked, confused.

"That's just Brooke." Haley could almost hear Peyton rolling her eyes. "Look, Haley, are you going to be in Tree Hill any during winter break?"

"Yeah, I'm planning on staying at Luke's."

"Oh my God, tell her to invite him too!" Haley distinctively heard Brooke say in the background.

"Ok, ok," Peyton answered. "It's just, this girl from Tree Hill, Rachel- have you heard of her?"

"Gatina?" Haley bit off icily.

"Yeah, her. She's having a pre-New Year's Eve party the night before New Year's Eve, obviously, and me and Brooke were wondering if you wanted to come."

Haley knew she had to come up with a reason not to go. And quickly. "Actually, I wasn't going to go back until the day of New Year's Eve."

"Well, you'd only have to leave a day earlier," Peyton supplied.

"I wouldn't even know where to find her house," Haley lied.

"Ok, I've got an idea. Nathan's driving back that day too. You can hitch a ride with him. It'll save you tons in gas money, and you'll be here for the party. You should come, Haley."

Haley sensed a bit of pleading in Peyton's voice and she bit her lip. "I really just don't think-"

Haley heard a grappling for the phone and the sound of Peyton and Brooke arguing. Suddenly, Brooke's voice came on the line loud and clear. "Listen, Tutor Girl. This is going to be a blast and you and your sexy best friend _have_ to be there. End of story. It won't hurt you to hitch a ride with Nate. Just ignore all his 'I'm a basketball superstar' bull shit and you'll be fine."

"Brooke, I don't think-"

She distinctly heard Peyton snatch the phone back from Brooke and then a yelp of pain. "Is that ok, Haley?" Peyton asked.

"Peyton-"

"The team's not flying back in 'til eight, so he's going to be coming straight to the party. HEY!"

"We'll see you then, Tutor Girl. And try to wear something hot."

And before Haley could get another word in edgewise, the line was empty.

------------

The fateful day had finally come and Haley had no idea what to do.

She had packed her bag, just in case. Even if he didn't come (_He wouldn't, would he?_ she thought desperately), she would be ready to go to Lucas' the next day.

She wasn't calling him, that was for sure. She didn't know if he was supposed to call her. He couldn't possibly know where she lived. She could call him if she wanted. She had memorized his number by heart after seeing it on her phone's screen so damn many times. Out of spite, she refused to save the number.

She glanced at the clock on the kitchen counter. It read 8:02.

_He's not coming_, she told herself. _She said the team got back at eight. God, I hope he doesn't come_.

Haley did not want to see Nathan after what had gone down on Christmas Eve. She didn't think she could face him after she'd basically bared her soul to him and given him the upper hand by breaking the 'no touching' rule. Not to mention that he had tried to kiss her. All that was just too much to take.

Trying to calm her nerves, Haley sat back on the couch, jiggling her legs. She reached for the tv remote and flicked it on. She flipped aimlessly through the channels, stopping suddenly when she saw Marcus' face on the screen. She threw the remote on the ground in front of her as she watched Marcus step forward and allow a man to put a medal around his neck.

"After winning the Holiday Classic, Duke's star forward, Nathan Scott, was named tournament MVP."

First, a clip of Nathan holding a small trophy was shown, then, him looking dazzling in a Duke baseball cap after the game. "It is such an honor to be named MVP. I couldn't have done it without these guys. We knew we had to beat them after they knocked us out of the tournament last year."

The clip cut him off and two smiling hosts came back on screen.

"Oh my God!" Haley screamed. "Can I please not hear about Nathan Scott for two seconds!"

_Knock, knock_.

Haley's eyes widened as she looked at her door. She fell off her couch, lunging for her remote and clicked the off button as quickly as she could. She sat up, running her hands unconsciously through her hair and made her way to the door. She put on a confident face and opened the door.

"Did you just say my name?"

Haley crossed her arms over her chest defensively, deciding it was best not to answer. "How did you find my apartment? Should I now add stalking to your list of traits?"

"Peyton," he said simply. "Can I come in any time soon or do you just want to talk about this for the next century?"

Haley moved out of the doorway to allow Nathan entrance.

He glanced around the room momentarily then looked back at Haley. "Where's your bag?"

"What? Oh, over there." She pointed at a spot next to the counter where she had laid her duffel bag earlier.

"That's it?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah. Is that a problem?"

He shrugged, going to pick the bag up and slinging it over his shoulder. He looked back at her expectantly. "You ready?"

"I can carry that," Haley said, walking over and trying to pull her bag out of his arms.

He swatted her arm away. "Would you just calm down and accept a damn favor? Come on, we need to go. Everybody's going to be drunk before we ever get there."

"Fine," Haley grumbled, as she followed him out of her door. She locked the apartment securely and bounded down the stairs after Nathan, watching him shove her bag into the backseat of his SUV. She climbed up in the passenger's seat, feeling more than a little awkward about the situation.

He got in next to her, not saying a word. He put the car in gear and left the parking lot. Soon, they had nothing but highway and silence on their hands.

They drove in awkward silence for fifteen minutes with Nathan's loud rap music bursting their ear drums to breaking point.

Haley's heart skipped a beat as Nathan's CD transferred to its next song and the beat started.

She instantly recognized the song. She didn't know the name or the artist and she never had, but she knew every word to the song. It was the song she used to sing to Jamie every night to make him go to sleep. It had just enough of a melody that she could sing it. Since only old school rap calmed Jamie down through his infancy, Haley had reinvented the song as a lullaby. Every night for a year and a half, it had consistently put Jamie to sleep.

She closed her eyes as the memory of it washed over her. She had been rocking Jamie in a chair next to his crib, singing. Nathan had come up behind her and put his arms around her shoulders. As Jamie's eyes fluttered closed, Nathan had leaned down and whispered in her ear, "You have no idea how hot it is when you do that. Is he almost asleep because I want so badly right now-"

"Are you ok?"

Haley jumped and opened her eyes. She realized that _this_ Nathan had turned down the song and she had continued to sing aloud. She closed her mouth immediately.

"You know that song?" he asked when she didn't respond to his previous question.

"Yes."

He gave her an odd look. "How?"

She shook her head, not answering him.

He immediately bristled. "Fine." He sighed. "Look, Haley, I wanted to talk to you about the other night. I know you're friends with Peyton and-"

"You don't want me to tell her you tried to kiss me," she finished for him, looking out the window.

"Is it really that huge of a request?"

"You're unbelievable," she stated icily.

"So, you're going to tell her?"

"Why? Trying to think of a good story to tell?" Haley asked, turning to face him.

"No, I just wanted to tell you that you were right. The other night, I mean. We had a long flight and I had time to think about what you said, and you were right that the things you told me about having a son and wife made me feel like I had some sort of obligation to you. And I didn't mean anything by it." He took his eyes off the road to glance at her, almost seeming to be measuring if what he said was all right.

She waved a dismissive hand. "I'll let it go. I've been meaning to apologize to you too. I know I've sort of been projecting this personality on to you and it's not fair. I've started to accept that you're not the same person as the one I'm trying to replace my husband with."

"You mean, I'm not good enough," he finished for her.

"Don't do that to yourself, Nathan," she said automatically, trying not to let herself feel too much for the boy sitting in front of her. "What I'm saying is I guess I thought we-me and _him_, that is-" she instantly corrected herself. "Had this sort of true love that would always work out. Maybe I'm realizing there's no such thing as soul mates, just circumstances. You know," she suddenly turned to look at him, "I didn't even believe in fate until I met Nathan."

Nathan shifted uncomfortably in his seat. _ Nothing like ruining a girl's belief if faith_, he thought to himself. He sighed. _Only I could do that_.

Her left hand was resting on the console and he couldn't help but notice it. "Where's your ring?"

She pulled her hand back, feeling around her wedding finger. "It went back to my right hand. I don't want anyone else to think I'm engaged to Lucas." She giggled.

"_Lucas?_" He hadn't meant for it to sound so accusing.

"Yes, my best friend, Lucas. I see where it came from though. We live together and Peyton thought he had given it to me."

"Wrong Scott," he said, meeting her eyes.

She couldn't look into those eyes. Not right now. She instantly turned away from him and looked out the window. "Yeah."

------------

"Peyton, can you take me to Lucas'?" Haley asked as she dodged another shot from a water gun.

She had arrived at the party with Nathan an hour ago. He had left her behind, immediately heading for the keg. Since then, Haley had been drinking plenty of water and searching for Peyton so she could say hi and leave.

"I thought Lucas was coming here," Peyton said, shoving the boy with the water gun away from them.

"He couldn't make it," Haley lied. Truthfully she hadn't told him because she was terrified at what he might do if he found out she was hitching a ride to Tree Hill with Nathan.

"Oh. Yeah, give me a minute. I'll go find Nathan and borrow his keys. My car is in the shop," she explained.

"Ok," Haley said as she watched Peyton part through some people.

Haley glanced around nervously. So far, she had managed not to run into Rachel (for which she heavily praised God) and avoid being talked to by anyone in general. She didn't see many people she knew, save a few ex-cheerleaders.

She shrank back against a wall and out of sight from most of the people there and mostly out of line from spilt cups of beer.

She looked up to see a tall guy coming through the door and looking around curiously. As he moved further into the room, she instantly recognized him. She left her place at the wall and made her way over to the Duke basketball player.

"Chad!" she greeted as he caught sight of her.

"Well, if it isn't Duke's hottest tutor," he said, giving her a hug before she even had time to think about it.

"What are you doing in Tree Hill?" she asked, instantly backing out of his embrace.

He shrugged. "Marcus flew home to Chicago. Mom and Dad are skiing in Colorado. Nathan said there were some wild happenings going on in Tree Hill tonight so I drove down. Don't pretend you aren't happy to see me, though."

"I am!" Haley said truthfully. "I don't know anybody here. I was actually just waiting for Peyton to get some keys so she could take me to my friend, Lucas'."

"You're leaving already?" Chad asked, looking disappointed.

"Whenever Peyton gets back," Haley said, looking around for any signs of the blonde girl. "But we should go sit somewhere and talk while I'm waiting. Somewhere quieter," she said as a group of kids ran through playing alcoholic freeze tag.

"Ok," he agreed.

They made their way into the kitchen and Chad picked up a beer for himself. Haley showed Chad the way to a small table overlooking the backyard that she had often seen people sitting at during Rachel's parties and they sat down in seats next to each other.

"So, Haley, this Lucas your boyfriend?"

"Oh, definitely not," Haley responded quickly, shaking her head, and unconsciously biting the nail of her ring finger.

"Well, unlucky guy," Chad said, giving her a dazzling white smile.

"I saw you on tv," Haley said, trying not to let herself feel uncomfortable. _After all_, she reminded herself, _he was just being friendly_.

"Did you like what you saw?"

"I liked it when you handed that one guy the water bottle," Haley kidded.

He laughed. "You and I should definitely hang out more Haley."

"You and I? Very impressive English skills, Chad."

"I'm very impressive at a lot of things," he said, putting his drink down. Before Haley knew what had happened, he pulled her face towards his and was pressing their lips together. Haley's whole face heated up as she raised her hand and gently but firmly pushed Chad away.

"Chad, look-"

"What the _hell_do you think you're doing?"

Chad stood up from his chair as Nathan approached him. Haley was left a moment to ponder how long Nathan had been watching them. "Hey, Nate." Chad put up his fist to bump Nathan's, but instead, Nathan's fist connected with Chad's jaw.

"Nathan, stop!" Haley shouted, immediately jumping up from her own chair.

Chad looked shocked for all of two seconds before he sent his own punch at Nathan.

The two started going at it immediately and as if by magical force, the whole party knew within the span of one minute that a fight was going on. Haley danced around, trying to figure out how to stop them as they went at it on the ground.

Finally, Fede and Brandon, two of Nathan's old teammates, stepped in to pull the two apart. Haley immediately went over to Chad's side, trying to brush grass from his clothes and assess his wounds.

"Chad, are you ok?" she asked, feeling as if the whole things was all her fault.

"Yeah," he replied, rubbing his face. "Nathan, what the hell is your problem?" he yelled at his teammate, who was looking similarly bruised.

Nathan spat on the ground in front of him, looking from Haley to Chad. "Why were you kissing her?"

"Because I wanted to and I _thought_ she did too." He glanced momentarily at Haley. "But-"

"But she didn't!" Nathan yelled at him accusingly. "You had no right to do that. You can't just kiss somebody if they don't want to!"

"Nathan, I was handling it fine myself!" Haley yelled over at him. "Chad, I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault he's a jackass. You don't even like Haley!" Chad spat out.

"You should be thanking me!" Nathan said indignantly, looking pointedly at Haley.

She crossed her arms. "I can handle this fine myself, thanks. And without beating Chad to a pulp."

"Oh my God, did you break something, Nathan?" The voice of Rachel Gatina broke through the crowd as she entered the scene, surveying the damage done by the fight.

"What's going on?" another voice piped in. By now, there was a huge crowd watching the scene with interest, so Peyton had to part through the people to make it to her boyfriend's side. "Nathan, I heard you were fighting."

Nathan looked guiltily toward Chad and Haley.

"With Chad? What did he do?"

"All I did was kiss Haley and she said she didn't want to so I stopped and then the bastard hit me!" Chad shouted, still obviously very upset.

"Unbelievable, Nathan! I'm so sick of you and now this! That's it. We're finished."

The entire crowd_oohed_ appropriately as Peyton tried to leave the room.

"Peyton, wait!" Nathan shouted.

She turned to face him again. "No. I'm not going to stand around and watch this happen. Maybe you need to consider why you're so upset Chad kissed Haley. I'm sick of you. It's always about some other girl with you. I honestly don't even think you would have cared if Chad kissed me." She turned on her heel and left the room.

"Fine. Whatever," Nathan said, ignoring the chattering in the crowd. "Anybody got a beer?"

A hand in the crowd reached out and gave him a can of Bud Light. He clicked the top open and chugged. Without glancing at Chad or Haley again, he walked back into the house through the open double doors and Haley distinctly heard him shout, "Anybody want to have sex?"

The crowd began to disperse and Haley saw Brooke come walking up to her from the next room. She was still rooted to the spot, shocked over what had happened.

"What's going on, Tutor Girl? I heard two Duke basketball player were down here fighting over you."

"They weren't," Haley quickly said.

"Hey, Chad," Brooke greeted. "What happened to your face?"

He sighed and walked back into the house.

"Brooke, can you drive me home?" Haley asked, hoping Brooke was still sober enough to drive."

"Yeah, Tutor Girl." She put her arm over Haley's shoulder and led her back into the house. "Let's get you to Lucas'. Do you think he'll be there?"

Rachel was still standing, looking at the scene with her hands on her hips. "Somebody's going to clean this up!"

* * *

A/N: Ok, so fights are really hard to write. That was my writing lesson for the day. I hope everybody was able to understand everything that was going on. I hope you all enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. Also, I know fanfiction sometimes does some weird formatting to stuff I post. So, if anything looks funny, I"m sorry and it's totally not my fault. lol 


	10. I Come Up When the Sun Goes Down

A/N: OK, I have a new rule for my reviewers. Never EVER apologize for leaving a long review. They absolutely make my day! Seriously, I had the most ever long reviews for last chapter and they are so helpful in getting my head around what needs to happen and what you guys like and so on…basically I adore them. So, your rants are not just ok, they are inspired.

* * *

Oh, and I love you guys to pieces for all of last chapter's reviews! I'm glad you liked Nathan/Chad smackdown.

* * *

"You, Skills Taylor, are going to pay for that!"

Haley leapt onto Skills' back and tried to take the ball out of his hand from around his neck. He bent over, pretending to knock her off, while really holding tight so she wouldn't fall over.

"And Haley James makes a vicious foul. It looks like it's going to be a turnover for Skills Taylor."

"That was all ball!" Junk protested from the sidelines.

Haley giggled, dropping from Skills' back and dashed off the court before he could retaliate.

"Now, we can get back to playing after that open and malicious foul," Lucas said. Haley responded by sticking her tongue out.

"Act of racism," Fergie threw in, running back out on the court.

"I don't think I'm ever going to recover from that, Haley!" Skills said, still bent over and holding his back dramatically, causing everyone to laugh. "Man, why ya'll laughing?"

"Mouth said it was clean, didn't you, Mouth?" Haley asked, sitting down next to Mouth on the picnic table overlooking the Rivercourt.

"I just call them like I see them," Mouth confirmed.

"I've recovered!" Skills proclaimed, straightening up. "It's a miracle. Damn, Haley, you been taking steroids?" He rubbed his back again.

"Ha ha," she said, sticking her tongue out at him too.

"All right, ball out," Lucas said, passing the ball toward Junk.

"Naw, man," Skills said, shaking his head. "I gotta go. I gotta get to work. You know, since some of us can't afford no school at UNC." Haley's face fell at these words. She had actually been enjoying herself for the first time in days. In less than a second, everything about Skills' future had changed in her eyes. She realized Skills was stuck in the factory he had always detested.

"Man, all right," Lucas said, bumping fists with Skills. "I'll see you tonight."

"Definitely," Skills said, retreating and waving goodbye to the rest of the boys.

"Me and Junk were about to go buy some fireworks," Fergie said, taking the ball out of Junk's hands and dribbling it automatically. "Ya'll want to come?"

"Actually, Haley and I were going to go get a bite to eat at the café," Lucas said, gesturing in the general direction of the café.

"All right," Fergie said. "Mouth?"

Mouth shrugged. "Not like I have anything better to do."

"All right, we'll see you guys later," Fergie said as everyone said their goodbyes. Once the trio had walked off, Lucas turned back to Haley.

"You hungry?" he asked.

She smiled. "Mostly just wanting to see Karen."

He returned the grin full force. "Yeah."

Haley sat up from the bench and she and Lucas began to walk in the direction of Karen's Café. They walked in silence for a few moments before Lucas turned to look at Haley.

"I missed you, Hales."

She gave him another small smile, looping her arm through his. "I missed you too."

"I don't just mean these last few days," he went on, shaking his head. "I mean, for the first time in weeks, you really seem like yourself again."

Haley looked around, taking in the sight of her hometown, of the trees and the buildings, of the happy people preparing for their New Year's celebrations. "I think it's just being home. Finally something in my life feels normal. I've needed a little bit of normalcy; everything's so chaotic."

Lucas immediately stopped and turned to look at her. "Why?"

She shrugged. "A lot of things have been changing lately." _More like everything and everyone_, she thought.

He shook his head and continued walking; she followed his lead. "I've noticed. I mean, God, Haley, Brooke Davis dropped you off at my house last night. I'm thinking where the hell did that come from?"

Haley's brain worked overtime, searching for the right words to tell him. "I've just been getting to know Peyton. You know, I had that class with her and things just sort of evolved. And part of getting to know Peyton is getting to know Brooke. Besides, it was really nice of her and Peyton to bring me back to Tree Hill." Haley just knew a lightning bolt was going to strike her down for lying to her best friend.

"So, is part of getting to know Peyton getting to know Nathan too?" Lucas asked, looking down at her accusingly.

"Luke, why would you even ask that?"

"Haley, I don't want him messing with you!" he responded.

They looked up, realizing their talk had followed them all the way to the café. Lucas held the door open for Haley and she walked through. They both went to sit at the counter, watching Karen as she took an order out to an older couple sitting by a window. She approached them, smiling.

"You look busy," Haley said, watching her make change at the cash register. "Need me to go grab an apron?"

Karen just laughed. "Oh no. You and Lucas can just serve yourself. I'll be back in a minute."

She began to walk off, but then hurried back, giving Haley a quick hug. "It's good to see you, kiddo."

Haley blushed as Karen ran off again. Lucas walked behind the counter, making drinks for himself and Haley. He came back around and handed her hers, sipping out of his own glass.

"Mmm, chocolate milk. You remembered," Haley said, taking a sip.

"You're my best friend, Hales. I wouldn't forget."

Haley looked down into the depths of her cup, feeling instantly guilty about what Lucas would see as her base treachery. She had dared to converse with the enemy.

"You know, Nathan's your brother," Haley said, finally just going for it.

Lucas looked so shocked, Haley wouldn't have been surprised if he had spit his drink out. "You did _not_ just say that."

"Say what?" Haley asked, losing patience. "It's the truth. He is your brother, whether you like it or not."

"This coming from you? The one who told me we'd be better off if the basketball court just opened up and swallowed him whole?"

Haley opened her mouth to respond, but Karen was back upon them. She turned away from the cold face Lucas was showing her and smiled at his mother.

"So, should I ask why you skipped our family Christmas?" Karen asked, putting an arm on Haley's shoulder.

Haley shook her head, not able to come up with a response that would appease Karen.

"Well, I'm just glad you're here now. I would've hated for you to miss out on the Rivercourt's New Year's festivities."

Haley laughed. "Me too."

"So, what can I get you two?"

"Macaroni and cheese," Haley responded without a thought.

"Just vegetable soup, Mom," Lucas said.

Karen nodded and went back around the counter.

Lucas looked tentatively back over at Haley. "What's going on with Nathan, Haley?"

"Nothing's going on," Haley hissed, worried Karen might be listening in on them.

"Why are you hiding this from me, Hales? We've always told each other everything."

Haley shrugged. "I don't know what you want me to tell you. I just don't."

"I want you to say that you're my best friend and you can tell me anything. Just like I've always told you anything. I've told you about how miserable Nathan made my life, how I hate anything that connects me to Dan. I just want you to support me the way I've always supported you. I need you here, Haley. It just kills me to think of that jackass being anywhere near you. It's as simple as that."

"Maybe you could be wrong about him," Haley suggested timidly.

"If I am, I don't want you to be the one who has to find out. Can you please just stay away from him? I want to know that my girl is all right. And I want you to tell me if he continues to bother you."

Haley sighed, resigned to the fact that she was fighting a losing battle. "All right, Luke. If that's what you want."

------------

"Lucas Scott crosses up Junk Moretti, keeps his eyes on the goal, and SCORES! That makes it Lucas-Fergie seven to Junk-Skills four."

"Man, we're preparing for a comeback," Skills told Mouth as he dribbled past Mouth and Haley and up the court. "We're gonna call it the great New Year's Eve comeback of '99."

"Skills, it's not 99," Haley told him from the sidelines.

"Yeah, but that sounds better," he said, being momentarily distracted and giving Fergie the chance to steal the ball. "Damn, Haley, see what you did, confusing me with numbers."

Haley laughed as Mouth continued his commentary of the game. "And Fergie's ball is stolen back by Junk Moretti, who takes it back to his own basket to be…blocked by Lucas Scott!"

Lucas bent over, trying to catch his breath after the block and Haley stood up immediately from her place at the picnic table. "Lucas, are you ok?"

He looked up, breathing heavily. "Yeah, just tired."

"I think you need to take it easy. You know, with your heart," Haley said, studying Lucas with a concerned expression on her face.

"What?" he asked, matching her look with a confused one of his own.

"You know-" Before she could respond, her phone began to vibrate. She looked down, distracted at the name on the screen.

"Who is it?" Lucas asked, a frown quickly replacing his look of confusion.

"My parents," Haley lied quickly. "I'm going to walk over here so I can hear them. Be careful, Luke," she chided as she walked away, opening her phone. "Hello," she answered when she was far enough away from the boys that she was sure they couldn't hear her. She heard the sounds of them shouting, meaning their game had started back.

"Where are you?" asked Nathan's slightly slurred voice.

"What does it matter to you?"

"Don't screw with me, Haley."

Haley crossed her arms defensively over her chest, holding her phone up. "You call my phone, _demand_ to know where I am, and then say _I'm_ screwing with _you_?"

"Haley, you have no idea what I am. Tell me where you are."

"_What _did you just say? Are you drunk? I mean, obviously you're drunk, but what are you doing? And what are you talking about?"

He laughed. "Driving. What, did you think I was going to _walk_ to find you?"

"Why are you Scott boys trying to kill yourselves?" Haley asked, feeling her blood absolutely boiling. Did they not know what they were doing to her nerves?

"Are you with Lucas?" he asked, a definite edge in his voice.

"Oh my God! I cannot take this between you two!"

"Whatever, Haley. Anyway, the longer you take to tell me where you are, the more I have to drive around drunk. And believe me, Haley, I will drive all over this damn town."

She sighed. "I'm at the Rivercourt."

"With Lucas?"

"Yes, with my best friend, and coincidentally your brother, Lucas."

"Spare me, Haley. I have a freaking head hurt."

"Ache. You have a headache. And if you had any sense, you would know drinking turns you into a blabbering idiot. Not that you're not all ready an idiot."

"Shit, was that a deer?"

"Nathan!"

"What? Oh. Look, I'm coming to the Rivercourt."

"Don't!" she said quickly, glancing to where the boys were all playing basketball.

"Chill the hell out, Haley. I'll park back through those woods out next to the river. Just say you have to go pee or something and come meet me."

"No, Nathan!"

"Fine, I'll just come get you then. But I'll go ahead and let you know, me and Lucas will get into a fight."

Haley glanced back over, watching Lucas laugh with his friends. "I'll be there in five minutes." She snapped the phone shut and walked back over to where the boys were playing.

"Ok, time out," Lucas said, seeing her approach the court.

"Hey, let's get the fireworks out of Mouth's car," Fergie said, motioning towards the vehicle. As the other four went to the car, Lucas approached Haley.

"How are they?" he asked.

"What? Oh." Haley shook her head, glancing at the cover of her phone. "They're good. Just wanted to wish me a happy New Year's. You know," she rolled her eyes. "They cared enough to call but not enough to visit."

"Sorry, Hales," Lucas said, pulling her in for a hug.

At that moment, Haley knew she had to tell him. She couldn't lie to her best friend any longer. It just wasn't fair-

"Luke, you ready to shoot these damn things?" Skills said, jogging back from Mouth's car.

Well, maybe she could wait a little longer.

"Yeah. Haley, you ready for the Rivercourt Fireworks Extravaganza?" Lucas asked.

"We spent four hundred dollars on fireworks this year," Mouth said, making his way over with his hands loaded with boxes.

"Isn't that like more than you pay for rent in a month?" Haley asked, laughing.

Mouth shrugged, going back to his car.

"Well, look, guys," Haley said, rubbing her arm. "I need to go to the restroom, so I'm just going to-"

"You can take my car," Luke offered, taking his keys from the picnic table.

"It's fine. There's woods right there and you know I've always liked to rough it. Besides, what do you think is going to be open at 11:45 at night? I can just go in the woods," Haley replied, feeling extremely stupid. _Figures it would be one of Nathan's ideas_, she thought bitterly.

"Ok, if that's what you want." Lucas nodded, a small smile playing at his lips. "Just walk farther out, ok?"

"Shut up!" Haley said, punching his arm and turning to walk away.

"Don't miss the fireworks!" Skills shouted at Haley's retreating form.

She waved to signal she had heard him then walked into the woods. Once she had walked far enough to be enveloped by darkness, she realized how creepy her current setting was. This was exactly how horror movies began.

Fortunately she only had to walk through the woods for about a minute to arrive at a clearing on the other side. There, she saw Nathan's SUV already parked. She walked up to the passenger door, pulled it open, and got in. "That was more than five minutes," he stated coolly.

"Please spare me," Haley said, pulling her jacket tighter around herself and adjusting his thermostat. She looked up to see him. "What do you want, Nathan?"

He rubbed his eyes, looking wearily at Haley. "You didn't come."

"I'm right here!"

"Not here."

"Come where?" she asked, giving him an odd look.

"My party. I thought you'd come with Peyton or Brooke but you weren't there."

"You had a party?"

He nodded. "Tonight. You were supposed to be there. You're everywhere else I go."

"Why you would think I would go anywhere near your house is completely out of my realm of comprehension," Haley bit back.

Nathan rubbed his temple. "Please stop using big words I don't understand."

"So you left your party to come find me and ask why I wasn't there?" she asked incredulously.

He shook his head. "No, you were just _supposed_ to be there. I shouldn't have to ask."

"Why was I 'supposed' to be at your party?" Haley asked, making air quotes.

"It's New Year's."

"And?"

"And everyone's talking about who they're going to kiss at midnight and so I tried to think of who I could kiss at midnight. But I couldn't think of anybody but you."

Haley's mouth snapped shut as Nathan's comment completely floored her.

"I've been so confused since I kissed you and you told me all that stuff about how it was supposed to be."

"I told you I was wrong," Haley said, finding her voice. "I don't think it was supposed to be anything."

"But what if it was?"

"Nathan, you can't keep doing this. You're manipulating me to play your stupid games with you. You always find a way to keep me coming back because you_know_ how much I care about you, just like tonight. I _cannot_ do it anymore. You can't keep using what I know against me."

"I don't even know what that means," he said, slamming his hand against the headboard of his car. "You're not listening to me. Don't you realize what I'm saying? It's New Year's and the only girl I want to kiss is you!"

"Nathan, are you listening to _yourself_? Kissing certainly isn't going to solve any of either of our problems! We agreed that what happened Christmas Eve didn't mean any-"

"Haley," he interrupted her midsentence, "you know I didn't kiss you out of obligation! I kissed you because I want you. You've known how much I want you longer than I have!"

An alarm went off in Haley's head. She knew she had to get out of the car before she ended up doing something she regretted. "All the more reason for me to leave," she replied, going for the handle of the door.

"Haley, wait!" Nathan said, grabbing on to her forearm.

"Let go of me," Haley hissed, not turning to look at him.

"Isn't a New Year's kiss supposed to be about starting all over? Beginning the year with the person you want to spend it with?"

Haley sighed, looking back at him. "Nathan, you don't want to be with me. You wouldn't even be here right now if you hadn't drunk too much already tonight."

"So?"

She looked pointedly into his eyes. "Who did you kiss last night?"

He looked completely taken aback by this question. "What?"

"After the fight last night, all you wanted was sex and alcohol. And Nathan Scott always gets what he wants, right?"

He shook his head. "Haley, last night doesn't matter. That doesn't matter at all. I'm here now."

She bit her lip, feeling tears swimming in her eyes. "It matters to _me_." Her hand went to her chest. "Nathan, I already told you I can't keep playing these games with you. My family matters too much to me. And somewhere maybe you are my family. But here, in this life, Lucas is the only family I have. I can't betray him like this."

She opened the door and stepped out, leaving a resigned Nathan behind.

"How can you love Nathan Scott, but not love me? Am I really that bad of a guy?" he asked in a voice barely above a whisper. "Why don't you love me?"

A tear ran down her cheek. "I just can't." she heard her voice crack. "I don't even think you know how to love." She shut the door and turned to walk back toward the Rivercourt. Toward the safest sanctuary she had ever held. Toward the only family she still had…

* * *

A/N: So, I've definitely had trouble with the NH conversation and it came out a lot differently than I anticipated but sometimes the characters take on a mind of their own where you're writing. And that definitely happened this chapter. I hope you like it anyway. It feels a little disconnected to me, but I think that might just be the weird mood I'm in. lol

Oh, and one more think I've been meaning to address. Yes, I do know where this story is going. I would guess the chapter total will be somewhere between like 23-28. I'm not somebody who likes to drag stories out too long, so I think that is about the number of chapters you should expect. Maybe even less. I haven't sat down and mapped everything out chapter-by-chapter.


	11. Enough is Never Enough

A/N: Hi, guys! Did you miss me? I know this is the longest I've taken between updates and I'm sorry about that but I wanted this chapter to be perfect for you guys and I really really think you're going to like it. SusanXG beta'd this one for me and I hope y'all will agree she did a fantastic job. Thanks so much, Sus!

* * *

Haley and Lucas walked side-by-side back towards his house from another hour spent on the Rivercourt, laughing at the story Lucas was telling about Christmas.

"So, long story short, Keith's turkey got trashed and Coach Durham ended up bringing one for Christmas dinner."

"I can't believe Whitey had Christmas dinner with you."

"Yeah, he and Keith are like in love…, but Mom doesn't like him much."

"Why?"

Lucas shrugged, sticking his hands in the front pocket of his sweatshirt. "You know Mom hardly likes anything involving basketball."

"Oh yeah," Haley agreed. "I forgot."

They walked in silence for a few moments allowing Haley to become lost in her own thoughts. She had felt like someone was following them since they had left the Rivercourt, but she chalked it up to paranoia. Since the night before, she had imagined Nathan would drive up unannounced at any time and profess…_something_. What it would be, she had no idea. He had truly unnerved her last night when he started questioning why she didn't love him.

_What a stupid question! Has he _met _himself? He's been nothing but a jackass since the first word he spoke to me._ _I wonder what Nathan would think about this_.

Then she realized…that was the stupid question. _What would Nathan think about Nathan?_ She was truly losing her mind.

She had to know his motives for acting the way he did. Was it that unlikely that he was trying to trick her into sleeping with him?

_He's sure as hell cocky enough to try it. And he wants you-that's what he said._

But she wasn't sure if that's what he had meant. And she had no complete assurance unless she talked to him—something she didn't want to do. Perhaps she could chalk it all up to him having one too many drinks.

_Well, he wasn't that drunk. Not like she had seen him before. Besides, what were they always saying about drinking? It brings out the truth._

_So, what are you saying, Haley?_ _You think Nathan Scott is falling for you?_

She couldn't believe that. And even if he was, why would it matter?

"Do you feel like we're being followed?"

Lucas' voice cut through her thoughts, confirming her suspicions, and she quickly turned to look around. She didn't need to search for the source for long because an instantly recognizable car was pulling up behind them- a car that belonged to a certain blonde friend of theirs.

Peyton pulled her car up right next to Haley and Lucas, stopping in a marked parking space and smiling up at them innocently.

"Got a minute, friends?" she called.

Haley and Lucas exchanged perplexed looks and walked up to Peyton's car.

"Have you been following us?" Haley immediately asked.

"I just didn't want to catch you at a weird time," Peyton said, averting her eyes carefully. "Anyway, what are you guys doing tonight?"

Haley and Lucas' eyes briefly met again.

"Nothing."

"Ok, so I'm going to make a really odd request but you guys have to do it because I need you."

"What?" Haley asked, attuned to Peyton's uneasiness.

"So, Nathan's having a party tonight at his beach house, and before either of you say anything…I know you both hate Nathan and that's fine because this isn't about him, this is about me." Peyton paused dramatically to catch her breath, giving them both a chance to speak, though neither did.

"I have to go to the party because I can't let Nathan think this break up is bothering me. I know he thinks I can't go on without him and it's bullshit, so I have to prove he's wrong. I would go with Brooke but her, Rachel, and Bevin have taken some rich girl shopping spree to Charlotte. I need you two to be my backups. Please say yes." Peyton stopped speaking to catch her breath and looked between the two of them.

"You want _us_ to go to Nathan's beach house?" Lucas asked.

"You just have to pretend it's not Nathan's. Pretend it's just some abandoned house at the beach where everyone is going to have a party and this Nathan guy may or may not be there. You probably won't even see him." Peyton looked up at them hopefully.

"You really think this is a good idea?" Haley asked.

"Don't tell me you two are going to let him get to you."

"He doesn't bother me," Lucas hissed.

"Yeah, me neither," Haley said as Lucas turned to look at her.

"Great! I'll pick you guys up at nine." And with those words, Peyton restarted her car and took off down the road.

------------

"Where is he? I'm going to kick his ass!"

Haley held onto Lucas' arm as he tried to escape her grasp. "Lucas, for starters, you're in no state of mind to fight right now. And secondly, the 'he' you're talking about hasn't even done anything to you tonight."

"Don't you defend him, Haley!"

Peyton started to giggle, as she took Lucas' cup out of his hands. "I think somebody's had enough for tonight."

The three of them had left the party house almost as soon as they had arrived in order to sit out on the beach under the stars. Peyton and Lucas had been steady drinking all night, but Haley had typically decided to be the responsible designated driver.

"What time is it?" Peyton asked, glancing at her watch. "Oh my God, it's like two-thirty. Did you know that, Haley?"

"Yeah," Haley said, plastering on a big ironic smile. "I knew that when I told you thirty minutes ago it was two."

"Oh." Peyton glanced back at the house, seeing the porch and deck had decidedly cleared out from earlier in the evening. "It looks like everyone's leaving. I guess we can get going now. Nathan will know I sat through his entire stinking party and I spent it with his least favorite person in the world. Ha!"

"You didn't spend much time at the actual party though," Haley pointed out.

"Whatever. I don't need him and now he knows that. I've got you guys."

"So that means we can go?" Haley asked, not only amazed that she had somehow made it through an entire day without seeing Nathan, but also more than ready to be away from all the memories held within the walls of his beach house.

"I have to go to the bathroom," Lucas said, going to stand up. As he started making his way towards the house, Peyton immediately stood up too.

"I better go with him. Better make sure he doesn't fight Nathan."

"Yeah," Haley agreed. "I'll just go get the car." She also stood up, brushing sand from her pants.

"Ok," Peyton said, dashing away to catch up with Lucas. "I'll meet you out front."

Haley started making her way around the beach house towards the front, taking the long way that did not lead inside the house. The night was cool and crisp and the sound of the waves calmed Haley in a way she hadn't felt in a long while. Even knowing she was so close to Nathan, she couldn't get herself as worked up as she normally would have been.

As she cleared the side of the house, she could tell by the number of cars left surrounding the house that the guests had cleared out significantly since they had arrived. Just as she reached Peyton's car, a boy suddenly came sprinting up to her.

"Hey…HEY!"

Haley turned around to face the boy and placed him immediately. She sighed at the familiar face; it was Tim Smith, the only person whose love for Nathan had ever rivaled her own.

"Can I help you?" Haley asked, unlocking the door to Peyton's car.

"Are you Haley James?"

Haley turned to look at him, stunned. "Yeah, I am."

Tim sighed in relief. "Thank goodness. I've been looking for you all over. I thought you might have left."

Haley put her hand on her hip. "Why have you been looking for me?"

"Nathan's passed out in the floor and he says-"

"Nathan?"

"Yeah, Nathan Scott. And he says he won't get up and go to his room until you come and get him."

He stared at Haley expectantly and she turned back to the car, forcing open the lock, stunned that someone could be so _damn_ annoying. "Good. He can rot there."

"C'mon, Haley. He's really drunk."

"And how is that my problem?"

"Please," Tim pled. "He's going to hurt himself."

Haley sat, staring at the car door, knowing she should just get in. Sighing, she rolled her eyes, and looked up at him. "Fine."

"Excellent!"

She followed him back inside through the large front doors that led toward the family room. Haley instantly spotted Nathan sitting on the floor, laid back against the couch, laughing at whatever ridiculous thing he had turned on the tv. Several former Ravens surrounded him, looking similarly smashed.

His eyes met Haley's as he spotted her, staring hard for a moment as if trying to figure out exactly who she was.

"Guys, it's Haley James!" he suddenly announced to the room at large. "My soul mate, Haley James." Abruptly he turned around to look at all his former teammates accusingly. "_Nobody_ kiss her!"

"All right," Haley said, walking to stand right in front of him. She put her hands on her hips again. "Stand up and quit making an ass out of yourself."

"My, my, aren't you looking striking today, Haley," Nathan said, his eyes moving up and down her.

"Can you guys help me with this?" she asked the boys, gesturing towards Nathan. "He's wasting enough of my time as it is." The two boys on either side of Nathan stood up obligingly and pulled him to his feet. He got his balance and pushed them away.

"I don't need help. I just want Haley to take me to my room," Nathan said, looking annoyed that anyone but Haley would dare try to assist him.

"Nathan, if you can walk-"

"I can't unless you take me," he protested.

"Fine, come on," she said, leading out of the room and towards Nathan's designated bedroom. "Tell the boys night, Nathan."

She heard him guffawing as she made her way around the corner, out of sight from the crowded room, and towards the hallway the led to the rest of the more secluded first floor. She glanced behind her to see if Nathan was following but turned just in time to see him trip and fall sideways into the wall. She straightened him and grabbed his arm, leading him towards the room.

"You were worried about me," he stated matter-of-factly. "Tim talked you into coming and getting me, didn't he?"

Ignoring him, she opened the door to his room and pointed inside. "Ok, I got you to your room. You can go to bed now."

"Come on, Haley." He stopped in the doorway, giving her a pleading look. "What if I fall on the floor on the way to my bed and break my leg? How will you feel if you left me that way here?"

"Fine," she said, walking into the room and waiting for him to follow. "Go get in bed so I can leave and know you're 'safe.'"

He smirked. "Ok, I will." He closed the door behind him as he followed her into the room.

"Nathan!"

"What?" he asked innocently, pausing at his side table to remove his watch. He faced away from her and removed his polo shirt, tossing it down on the floor carelessly and stretching his arms out over his head.

Haley immediately averted her eyes. _Not the back muscles_. To keep her eyes off his body, she looked everywhere else in the familiar room, taking in the complete lack of tidiness he had achieved.

"So, were you impressed with my party?"

She looked back up at him to see he had turned to face her, openly smirking at her expression. "Three nights, three parties. Congratulations."

Nathan laughed and fell back on his bed, closing his eyes. "That's supposed to be a compliment, right?"

She shrugged. "Whatever you want."

Nathan opened his eyes and turned to look up at Haley. "Why do we always end up together?"

"God hates me," Haley supplied.

Nathan returned a lazy smile. "That's a lie. If He hated you, you would be a lot less attractive."

"That's supposed to be a compliment, right?" Haley asked, echoing Nathan's earlier words.

"So," he said, sitting up and glancing around at the walls of his room. "You've been here before, right? You told me all about it on the phone."

Haley crossed her arms over her stomach and raised an eyebrow.

Her actions only made Nathan's stupid grin get bigger. "I bet we've even had sex on this bed, huh?" He bounced up and down. "Yeah, I bet like forty or fifty times."

Haley rolled her eyes and looked away from him.

"Oh, come on! I'm just messing with you, Haley," he said, reaching out for her.

"Don't!" she said immediately, pulling her arm out of his reach. Nathan overreached and immediately stumbled, almost falling out of the bed. Haley was instantly at his side, assisting him.

"I should do that more often," he said, looking at her small hand on his shoulder. She rolled her eyes and removed it.

"Lie down," Haley instructed.

"You can't make me," Nathan argued back.

"I'm sorry," Haley said, her temper rising. "I forgot only Dan can make you do whatever he wants."

His look changed instantly from one of playfulness to a cold expression. "Don't go there, Haley."

"Then, lie down," she said, secretly glad her comment had had the desired effect.

He shrugged and lied back down on his bed. "Fine."

Satisfied that he would be all right, Haley turned to leave but the sound of his voice stopped her again. "Are you leaving already?"

"Yes. You're going to be fine and I need to go."

"But you just got here."

She turned around. "Nathan, I've been here for hours. This is just the first time you've noticed me. You were too busy with your alcohol and girls. Your life."

He shook his head, still laughing. "My life? Why do you always think that?"

She stepped nearer to him again. "Everyone knows what you're like."

"No." He looked thoughtful for a moment, as if he was having a minor epiphany. "_You_know what I'm like. No one else has any idea."

Haley sniggered. "Ok, Nate. If that's what you think."

A goofy smile lit up his features. "I love it when you call me Nate. I think if I called you Hales, you would kill me."

"You're probably right."

Nathan fell silent and Haley made to leave his room again, hoping to get out without his protests.

Unfortunately something on the high shelf on the other side of his room caught her attention. She glanced back at him, seeing he had closed his eyes and was assumedly falling into an alcohol-induced slumber. She made her way over to the shelf and reached up to pull a Ravens teddy bear down from it. It was the exact same teddy bear she and Nathan had given to Jamie four years ago. She hugged the bear close to her, almost feeling like she had a part of her son with her. She remembered the day Jamie had decided not to sleep with it anymore because that was, in his words, 'baby stuff.' The bear had soon been replaced by a new animal, a bunny named Chester, who Jamie had deemed was much more 'grown up.'

She smiled, putting the bear back where she had found it and her hand brushed over another familiar object. It was a ratty old Duke baseball cap that Nathan had had since the ninth grade. She remembered in high school when he had donned it often, wearing it when he had woken up with what Haley deemed 'sex hair.' Closing her eyes, she could clearly see them all those years ago, the summer after their senior year, when Deb had watched Jamie for the night and they had sneaked away to be alone.

_They had walked into his room at the beach house, side-by-side, but she had immediately noticed the hat sitting lonely at the top of the shelf. She had dashed out of his arms to pull it down. Holding it in her hands, she had turned to face him. "What's this doing here?" She ruffled his hair playfully. "What will you do when your hair looks like you've been doing something naughty?"_

_He shrugged, not quite matching her teasing mood. "I left it here last time I was here. I won't need it anymore." Nathan shook his head sadly. "And I can't stand to look at it anymore. Reminds me of how I managed to lose my dream school."_

_Haley had taken the hat down and put it on her own head. She glanced in the mirror, fixing her hair._

"_I don't know. I kind of like it."_

_He had pulled her body flush with his, wrapping his arms around her tiny waist. "Suddenly, it looks so much better. But you tend to do that to things."_

"_What do you want to do now, Daddy Nathan?"_

_His grin lit the entire room. "I don't know. But I think we can lose the clothes." His lips just touched her ear and his voice had sent chills up and down her spine. "You can keep the cap. And hopefully, my hair will look like I've been doing something naughty."_

"Twenty three."

Haley nearly jumped out of her skin as she felt the back of her shirt lift up. She was immediately torn from her memory and turned around quickly to see Nathan standing right behind her. She guessed she had been so consumed in own world, she hadn't noticed him stumbling over towards her.

"What are you doing?"

"Twenty-three," he repeated in a murmur.

"What?"

"You have my number on your back."

Haley immediately felt for the material on the back of her shirt, pulling it down even further over her back. "You must be drunker than I thought. You're seeing things."

He shook his head. "Oh no, Miss Proper Haley James." He pointed his finger in her face. "You have a tramp stamp and it is my number, which I think sends a pretty clear message to other guys." He considered this for a moment. "It's like an anti-tramp stamp."

"Don't you even go there with me, Nath—are you all right?"

For in that moment, Nathan had stumbled forward and almost fallen right on top of her. He braced his arms around Haley on the side of his shelf, his chest mere inches from Haley's face. She looked up into his eyes, waiting for him to back away, but he showed no signs of leaving her bubble. Haley felt her heart beat into overtime.

"Ok, Nate," she said, putting her arms on his chest to push him away. "Now, you've forgotten all about personal space."

His breath was grazing the top of her head and his mood instantly sobered. "How do you know I didn't fall on purpose?"

Haley's breath caught in her throat. She could scarcely remember the last time she'd been this close to Nathan. She'd been here in this alternate reality for almost a month, and before that, Nathan had been hurt for four months.

_Five months_, she thought. _Five long, horrible months._

His face was moving towards her. Mere inches from her own. At the mere flutter of an eyelid, his lips brushed hers.

"Haley?" His voice caught as his lips backed off for a moment, his hand cradling her face. Haley kept her eyes closed until their lips touched again. "Is this ok?" His voice grew more ragged and she knew he was quickly losing control. He kept placing soft pecks on her lips and she sat completely still, giving no response or sign she even knew anything was going on between them.

Suddenly, something inside her snapped. She needed Nathan. She needed everything about him.

"No," she replied, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him in for a passionate kiss. He returned, entering her mouth greedily, kissing her with no holds barred. She tried to pull him even closer, knowing she would never feel close enough. She braced her back against the shelf and he lifted her up in his arms, letting her wrap her tiny legs around his waist, pushing her harder into the shelf, but never losing contact at her mouth. He moved, making hard work at keeping her and himself steady, over to his bed, lying her down carefully so his drunkenness would not ruin the moment.

"Nathan," she mumbled, causing him to groan. "I missed you."

She knew he wanted her and her primal instinct towards him was quickly engaging. She could feel his possessiveness automatically taking over as his mouth claimed hers and he sheltered her body with his own, moving his hands to grip her waist and pull her body towards his. Her fingers crept up his back, scraping over the bare skin with her nails.

The familiarity of it all was driving her crazy. The way Nathan put all his weight on his sides so that he wouldn't completely crush her. How he always nipped at her bottom lip before drawing away. How amazing his mouth felt on hers for the first time in so long.

Without warning though, he rolled off of her and stuck his head off the far side of his bed, emitting a low moan. "Oh my God, I think I'm going to be sick."

Haley immediately rolled over, putting her hands to her head. _What are you doing?_

Nathan's head reappeared from the side of his bed and he looked over at her. "I'm ok. I just lost it for a minute."

"So did I," Haley mumbled, willing her heartbeat to climb down from its peak.

Nathan buried his face in his pillow, stretching his arm out over her. "I'm sorry. Don't leave," she heard his muffled voice say.

She laughed, shoving the arm away. "Yeah, that's going to happen."

"Haley-" He stayed lying stomach down but turned his head to look at her where she was still inexplicably lying on the other side of the bed, flushed, staring up at the ceiling. "I'm so confused."

She blew out a loud breath. "That makes two of us."

"Tell me what to do so I can have it."

She turned her face to meet his eyes. "Have what?"

"You. A family. A son. The life that makes you look so happy when you describe it."

Haley couldn't look into those serious blue eyes any long. She focused back on the ceiling. "You have no idea what you're saying. What twenty-one-year-old boy wants a son?"

"I would guess the boy that met you when he was sixteen. The guy I wish I was." His voice caught, and he laughed, not without irony in his tone. "Do you have any idea what you're doing to me?"

"A vague one," she muttered, looking down at his body and feeling glad she at least still had her sarcasm on her side. "I have to go," she continued, sitting up on the side of the bed. His voice held her in her place for another moment though.

"I've never had a family, Hales. Not like you."

She turned to look at him again, but quickly had to look away before he pulled her in completely with his words. "I want it all with you, Haley."

She felt his thumb graze the small, exposed part of her back, where she knew her tattoo was. She shuddered involuntarily but did not turn around.

"Stay with me tonight, Hales. Don't leave me."

Haley ran her fingers through her hair, a million thoughts swimming through her head. She knew that deep down there was nothing she wanted more than to stay with him, to feel his arms around her, holding her tight. She felt so safe there with him. There where he had whispered so many times to her how much he loved her.

But she couldn't.

And not just for the fact that he only said these things to her when he was drunk, not even in his right mind. Maybe just fishing for words to get what he wanted—whatever the hell that may be.

The truth was a small part of her knew that accepting this Nathan would be like leaving her old life behind. Instead of trying to return, she would be moving forward here. In a place she never wanted to be. And with a boy she never wanted to trust.

The same boy who had charmed his way into her heart all those years ago.

The same boy who was so different from the husband and father she remembered.

And in that moment, Haley had no idea who she was. Was she still Haley James Scott, the strong independent women who had started a family at the young age of seventeen, who had always forged ahead and did what was best for the people around her?

Or was she meek little Haley James, falling for Nathan Scott all over again?

And more importantly, who was he? Were his feelings even real or was this some twisted way for him to bed yet another girl? Or maybe he had been so blinded for his need for a family; he had decided she was the means to an end.

"Haley?"

She got up and walked out of the room without ever glancing back. She pulled the door to a quiet close and turned around, not allowing herself the tears she wanted to cry.

Someone was already waiting there for her though.

"Enough is enough, Haley. What's going on?"

* * *

A/N: I know I used drunk!Nathan last chapter, but this is CompletelyHammered!Nathan. I hope y'all can see the difference. 


	12. And Lucas Makes Three

A/N: I'm terribly sorry for the long wait, guys! It wasn't meant to take this long at ALL and I can promise you that the next chapter will be up within the next two weeks (secret: it's already written). Anyway, I know you've all been wanting to see some quality sober!Nathan/Haley time so….sorry. Next chapter, I promise!

* * *

Haley leaned back against the door of Nathan's bedroom, trying to reign in her emotions, and looked right back up into Peyton's accusing eyes. The hallway seemed to be closing in around her as she tried to find her footing in the conversation.

"Nothing's going on."

"Right," Peyton said, nodding. "You just got Nathan's bedroom confused with the bathroom? I'm totally buying that one."

"Peyton, you don't understand!" Haley protested, stepping towards her.

"I think I understand just fine. But you should know that he _always_ does this. And you're stupider than I was if you think this is real."

Haley and Peyton stared at each other in a silent challenge for a few moments. Haley couldn't think of anything to say to break the silence.

Peyton turned on her heel and began to stalk off back down the hallway. "Where are you going?"

"To the car. I suppose you still want to go home?" she called behind her, not bothering to look back or slow down.

"Yeah." Haley followed Peyton out to the car, having to walk extra fast to keep up with her. She thought she was angry, but she wasn't entirely sure. All she knew was that Peyton had accomplished making her feel extremely used, if that's what she was trying to do.

Peyton headed to the driver's seat and Haley stopped in front of the car, staring her down. "Are you going to drive?" she asked.

Peyton opened the door and looked back up at her, her eyes flashing dangerously. "Yeah, I think I've lost my buzz." Haley sighed at the comment and took a seat in the passenger's side.

"Where ya been, Hales?" Lucas asked from where he was sprawled in the backseat, looking nothing less than over-the-moon to see her.

Haley didn't know if she was ready to handle another drunken Scott boy. _At least this one won't try to maul me,_ she thought to herself.

_And you probably wouldn't enjoy it as much either_, said that stupid snarky voice in the back of her head.

"Just looking for you," she lied, giving him the first answer that came to her mind. He grinned back appreciatively as if that's the only thing in the world she would ever do.

Peyton quite obviously rolled her eyes as she started the car, pursing her lips at Haley's glaring lie. To say this ride was going to be awkward would have been the understatement of the century. Haley sighed and leaned her back against the headrest, closing her eyes. This night had quickly turned into a disaster. And she didn't know what to do about it.

Her moment of weakness with Nathan had changed everything. She knew that. And she could play it off like it didn't matter, but she would only be fooling herself. The sad part was she didn't even know if he would remember it in the morning.

Haley chanced a glance at Peyton, who was gripping the steering wheel so hard, her knuckles were white. Haley had a sneaking suspicious that Peyton was doing this to keep from hitting her, though she had yet to deduce exactly why she wanted to hit her, aside from the small possibility she was still in love with Nathan. _Gag me_, Haley thought.

Suddenly, Peyton reached out for her stereo and turned the music up to a deafening loudness. Lucas jumped up from where he had been sitting in the backseat, about to fall asleep. Despite the music (or perhaps because of it), no one made a sound all the way back to Lucas' house.

Peyton pulled up in the driveway of Lucas' house and waited for the two of them to get out. Haley got up, allowing Lucas to crawl out from the backseat, but then sat back down in the car.

"Lucas, can you go inside? I need to talk to Peyton for a minute."

Lucas looked extremely perplexed, but complied and walked towards his house anyway. Haley nodded appraisingly as he left, closed the door, and turned back around to look at Peyton. "Peyton, let me explain."

Peyton made a face like she was doubtful the explanation would change her opinion as she reached out to turn down her stereo. When the loud noise was finally out of Haley's ears, she thought she could finally think again properly.

Peyton's lip curled in a way Haley thought made her look as if she felt far superior to the shorter girl. "I didn't think you, of all people, would fall for his bullshit," she stated scathingly.

"I didn't fall for anything!" Haley said, feeling immediately defensive. She wasn't going to take verbal abuse sitting down.

"Sure. Do you even have the slightest idea how many girls he takes into his room?"

"Yes!" Haley said, throwing her hands up in defeat. "Yes, I do know, all right? But nothing happened. That's not why I was in there."

Peyton's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Is that why you started talking to me, Haley? So you could meet Nathan."

"What?" Haley asked, outraged. "No! If I wanted to do that, I would have done it in high school."

Peyton shook her head. "I really can't believe it."

"Why? Do you still have feelings for him or something? Because I don't see why this is upsetting _you_ so much."

"This isn't about any lingering feelings I have toward Nathan! You're falling right into his hands, Haley. And I hate to see it because I thought at least you would be immune to his shit."

"There's nothing like that between Nathan and me," Haley stated, crossing her arms defiantly over her chest, staring out the window into Lucas' surrounding yard. She felt so confined in the small space of Peyton's car.

"Look, Haley, I'm not as stupid as I may seem. I've seen what's been going on with you two. Him going with you the night we were bowling. The way he kept glancing at you? But I brushed it off. I even trusted you enough to suggest you ride with him. And I don't mean I trusted you not to steal him from me. I mean, I trusted you wouldn't fall for his normal stuff. I thought you were too smart for that. Why do you think I broke up with him? It's clear he's set his sights on nailing you, I knew that after he got into that epic fight with Chad. But still, I came back to you because I thought to myself, 'Hey, this Haley James girl is cool. She's completely immune to all of Nathan's bullshit.' I respected you. But I must have been wrong. You're only going to regret this in the end, Haley, I promise you that much."

"Peyton, just because everyone hates Nathan, I'm not gonna treat him like some-"

"And you know what's really sad?" she questioned, interrupting her. "You and Lucas were really the ones who made me realize I could do better. You showed me there were other people besides Brooke and Nathan, and if I could just escape from this damn thing they had over me, I could be more independent. I didn't have to put up with Nathan's attitude. That's why I'm so confused as to what has gotten into you, Haley. And I am mad, but not for me."

"Peyton, it isn't like that with Nathan and me. He's not—we're not— we're not even friends. I just—he needed me."

Peyton nodded. "Yeah, I'm sure that's what he told you. This is what he does, Haley. And I'm really disappointed in you. I can't believe you would do that to Lucas."

Haley knew Peyton had a point to that one. She was being very sneaky, going around behind Lucas' back. She shifted guiltily, knowing she would be cluing Peyton into the fact that she had hit a sore spot.

"It would crush him, Haley. You know that better than I do. I know for a fact you didn't invite Lucas to that party at Rachel's. Was it because of Nathan?"

"Of course not!" Haley protested, though it sounded hollow even to her own ears.

"Did he kiss you?"

Haley looked out the window, not replying.

"I'm not sure you understand what you're getting yourself into, Haley."

Tears stung at Haley's eyes. Peyton didn't even have the slightest _inkling_ of what Haley was getting herself into.

"Peyton," Haley said, digging for strength in herself and turning back to look at the blonde, "You really can't begin to comprehend what's going on here. I'm sorry if I upset you, but you're stepping into something over your head. I would love to be your friend, but I understand if that's too hard for you. Just know that what is going on between Nathan and me is nothing like what you think it is." Haley said all of this very calmly, confident even. But inside, she was not nearly as sure. She stepped out of the car with her head raised high though and watched Peyton drive off.

Haley stood silently in the driveway for a few moments, letting her eyes wander around, trying to unwind. She didn't have many allies here in this stupid,_stupid_ world, and she had a feeling she had just lost one.

She shivered against the chill of the night, watching a cat sneak into the neighbors' bushes. The stars were out brighter than they had been in quite some time and she did not miss the irony that on a night this clear, everything seemed murkier than ever in her had.

It seemed surreal that less than an hour ago she had been ready to just _lose_ herself in Nathan. And, she realized, that was the first time she had admitted that to herself. She wasn't sure how far she would have let it go; probably _way_ too far. But the truth was Nathan was home. And all she wanted was home.

------------

Sleep was not Haley's friend that night. Her conscious would not even let her keep her eyes closed for more than a minute.

Tonight, the lines between the real world and whatever this place was seemed more blurred than ever. She was falling entirely too deep into everything here in Tree Hill. And that's what it had to be; it had to be this town that was making her past and this present collide so forcefully, without her consent. It was what was making it so much harder to resist Nathan.

She sighed and pinched herself. Hard. She closed her eyes tightly and opened them again, sitting up to look around, praying that it would end this nightmare. Nope, she was still on the couch of Luke's den. She flopped back down on her pillow, blowing out a frustrated breath.

She wondered what Nathan was doing right now.

_Which one?_ asked that infuriating snarky voice.

She knew the answer. She wondered what both of them were doing…because the truth was there was only one Nathan, multiple sides to that one person for sure—but really just one.

_Oh please stop waxing poetic inside of your own head._

She pouted. She couldn't help it if that's how she felt, no matter how corny it sounded.

A small part of her wondered if some sort of imposter Haley was running her real life. Teaching her classes. Playing with her son. Kissing her husband.

_Well, no, not kissing him_, the voice corrected._ She's probably doing what you used to do. Lying in bed alone at night, crying, desperately wanting _your _husband back._

Haley sighed at the voice. It was right. _But_, she countered, _wait till imposter Haley gets back and sees what a mess I've made of _her _life._

She flipped over on the couch, angry she had let herself go down that road. But now that she _had_ let her mind run down the particular path, she could wander what the other Nathan was doing.

_Getting more sleep than you, I'm sure_.

"Would you _shut up_?" she asked herself, smothering her head into her pillow.

_You would've had sex with him, wouldn't you have?_

"No."

_Just like Peyton said._

"No!"

'_I can't believe you'd do that to Lucas.'_

Haley rolled off the couch, hating herself. Right now, her mind was without a doubt the most terrible place to be.

She snuck through the darkened house, past where Lily's room should have been, and into Lucas' bedroom. She tiptoed through the room and over to Lucas' bed, silently sliding in under the covers. It was a very Brooke thing to do, she thought. But honestly, she was beyond caring how odd her behavior over the past month would seem to Lucas. Hopefully, he would understand soon.

She put her hand on his shoulder and shook him slightly. "Lucas! Wake up!"

He jumped and for a second, she thought he might hit her. But he quickly caught sight of her face in the moonlight streaming in through his window. And he could just as easily tell that she was very upset.

"Is there room for one more?" she asked, her big brown eyes full of sadness.

Lucas reached his arm out to pull her in next to him and she snuggled up on his shoulder. "Always for you, buddy."

"Are you still drunk?" she questioned, surveying him with mild interest.

"Eh," he said, squinting up his face. "It's definitely worn off significantly. I still wish I would've kicked Nathan's ass while I had enough alcohol to let loose."

"Luke," she said, having snuggled in further to him at the mention of Nathan's name. "I have to tell you something."

He pulled back a little, so he could look directly down into her face. And somehow, she knew he knew. He knew she was going to tell him what had been going on with her. Why she wasn't the same Haley he remembered. And she knew she should have told him long ago and not waited until she was this far in over her head.

"What is it, Hales?"

"That's just it, Lucas. I'm not Hales, at least not your Hales."

"Haley, you'll always be my Hales," he said, looking confused. "You couldn't do anything horrible enough to change that." He gave her a small, comforting smile and a half hug.

"First off," Haley said, not looking at him, but toying with his comforter instead, "I wouldn't be so sure about that. Second, that's not exactly what I mean. Oh, this is so hard to explain," she said, putting a stressed hand to her forehead.

Lucas' brow crinkled. "Take your time."

She let out an unsure giggle, thanking God she had the most understanding, patient best friend in the world. _If only you could say the same about your husband_.

"Ok," she said, looking straight at him, "what if I told you that I went to bed one night leading a totally different life, and then woke up here… more than likely because of something really stupid I said."

Lucas' look of pure confusion confirmed to her that he would have no idea what she was talking about.

Haley thought for a few moments, trying to place words into sentences she had yet to form.

"Luke, do you remember that day that I didn't go to school? You came back from classes and I had never left and I was really, really upset?"

A look of understanding passed over his face. He nodded. "Yeah, Hales, I remember."

"Well, I wasn't upset over not having a boy or whatever you thought it was. Lucas, this- this isn't my life. I'm not supposed to be here."

"So, what, you're not Haley?" he asked, looking truly perplexed. "And you didn't…like know me or something?" She could definitely see he was reaching for some understanding of what she was saying.

"No! Of course, I'm Haley. And yes, I know you and you're my best friend, Luke. But…" She bit her lip, trying to figure out the proper way to do this. "Ok," she said, almost starting over again, "I went to bed with a husband and a son in Tree Hill." Lucas' eyes widened in shock as he listened to her story. "And I woke up at an apartment in Chapel Hill with you. I mean, don't get me wrong, Luke, I love you, but that was not where I wanted to end up. And ever since, I've been trying to get back. Because that's my life. And this- this is somebody else's."

Haley finished and looked up to stare into his blue eyes, his eyes just a bit lighter than his baby brother's. She unconsciously snuggled closer, giving him time to take in everything she had said.

Suddenly, his voice filled the air. "Is that why you've been the way you have for the past month? The weird phone calls and the crying behind locked doors? Never being happy? Haley, has this been going on for that long?"

"You believe me?" she asked, not even bothering hiding the shock from her voice.

"Of course I do, Hales! I've never seen you the way you've been lately. And, Haley, you're just not the same girl. Something about you is so… different." He said the last word as a whisper, surveying the girl lying in his arms.

"Lucas, I'm so glad you know," she said. "You don't know how much of a burden is off my shoulders. I don't like to keep secrets from you."

Lucas sighed deeply. "I kind of understand that one actually, Hales."

Haley let a giggle escape her.

He laughed a little too and Haley felt a bit of the tension leaving the room. "So, what should I call you now, Missus-?"

Haley's eyes widened and her entire body clammed up; the tension returned tenfold. She had not been ready to go there yet.

"Hales?" he prodded.

"Scott," she whispered meekly.

"Huh?"

"Scott," she said, louder this time.

"What!?" She thought he was about to jump out of the bed.

"Lucas, it's not-"

"We're married?!"

If she hadn't been dreading telling him the truth, she would have laughed at the ridiculousness of it all. Of course, Lucas would never think of her marrying Nathan. To him, it would be much more likely that the two of them had wed then that she had tied down Nathan Scott.

"Luke, calm down," she said, putting a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "_We_ are most definitely not married. Ehw, by the way."

"Then, who-" He looked at Haley, his eyes clearly saying 'there's only one person I can think of and you would not do that to me.' But she knew the look on her face would probably be just as clear to him as his was to her.

She watched, terrified, as the realization washed over him. She feared he would push her right out of his arms and send her on her way. His eyes met hers, looking for some sort of denial. He found none.

"Nathan?" He said the name like it was some disgusting curse word he had muttered. The sound of it sent uncomfortable tingles up and down her spine. Of course Nathan. _Always Nathan._

"Lucas, it isn't like it is here. Nathan's—he's…well, he's my husband," she said, as if that would explain everything. "And what I said to him was stupid and selfish. And I sort of told Nathan—not my Nathan, the Nathan here—well, I sort of told him everything. About who I was and what's going on. But please don't hate me for doing it. I got him confused with--" She blew out a frustrated breath, knowing just how ridiculous she sounded—"With my Nathan. And I went to him and it was a huge mistake. You can understand that, right?"

Lucas didn't look at her. She could tell that he was not happy with this new development. She knew he wouldn't like that she had shared something so personal with Nathan. "That's why he's been calling you. That's why you've been talking about him. To him." He wasn't asking a question. He was making a statement.

"You have to understand, Lucas. I'm not interested in—well I'm not interested in _this_ Nathan."

"You're not?"

She shook her head. "Really, Lucas. I just want to go home. And I'm sorry if that means leaving you behind, but I've left a lot more behind there. That life, it's just who I am. You understand that, don't you?"

"Of course I do, Hales. This is just so…" He searched for the right word, which Haley felt was appropriate. Lucas was always searching for the right word. "Well, it's completely bizarre. I'm sorry."

"No," she quickly countered. "Of course it is. You're right. If I was telling me this right now, I wouldn't believe it. Believe me. The fact that you aren't calling for Karen right now to have me institutionalized means so much to me. I kind of want to get myself institutionalized actually."

He chuckled at this and she felt as if the huge rainstorm over the room was dissipating. She took a deep breath, letting the reality of it all seep over her. This was the first time she'd talked in detail about what had happened to her. And even though it did make her feel considerably crazy, it was also a relief to finally have her thoughts about it all sitting out in the open. It felt _freeing_.

"What'd you say to him?"

"Hmm?"

"Nathan?" She could tell he did not enjoy saying it. "What did you say to him that made you wind up here? And how could you have possibly married him?" he demanded, accidentally letting accusation slip into his voice.

"Those are two completely different questions, so I'll answer the first one first. And hopefully that will answer the second one," she rationalized. "I told him I wished I'd never met him, but I didn't mean it, I really didn't, Lucas, you have to believe me. I _know_ that now." _Except Lucas is happier, Nathan's happier and Brooke and Peyton are happier. Don't forget that._ The stupid voice in her head had returned. She couldn't focus on it at this moment though. She needed Luke to understand. "And he told me he was sure I'd be better off if I'd never met him and I went to bed." She just shrugged. A simple shrug, just like simply going to bed had changed her life. "And I woke up here."

"And what's the difference? Why aren't you and Nathan—whatever," he bit off, the resentment building back up in his voice.

"He won the one-on-one game at the Rivercourt." God, that was simple. It was one moment. One basket. But it changed everything.

This time he had to look at her. "What?"

"He wasn't supposed to win, Luke. You were. And we were supposed to fall in love. At least, I _think _we were." She was beginning to choke on her words. She hadn't even known she was crying until she felt the damp spot on Lucas' t-shirt. He stroked her hair when she didn't continue talking.

"A son?"

She looked up at him, showing him a teary smile. "James Lucas Scott."

"Haley…"

"I'm so sorry," she said, burying her head further into his shirt as the tears flowed heavier. "I just unloaded all of this on you and _you _have to comfort me. I cry all the time."

"It's understandable," he said, trying his best to comfort her. She let out a weak laugh again.

"What did he say?" Lucas' voice said after he had allowed her a few minutes to silently cry. "Nathan, I mean. When you told him?"

She sniffed, composing herself. "First he said I was a liar. And it was understandable. It does sound a bit far-fetched."

"Don't defend him, Haley. Whatever you say, I have high doubts he could ever redeem himself enough to deserve someone like you."

"He loves you, Lucas," Haley promised, sounding slightly desperate.

He overlooked the comment. "So, why'd he change his mind?"

"He started calling me and like quizzing me about his life. Of course, I wasn't going to play games with him," she said, easing Lucas' worries slightly. "That's why you saw all those calls on my phone. But besides that," she shrugged again, "I've talked to him a couple of times. I think he believes me. But that honestly doesn't matter to me anymore."

"Anything else?" Lucas prodded.

"Well…" She bit her lip, not sure if she should reveal the last thing that was on her mind. She had decided, coming into this, that she was going to come clean to Luke about everything. But she wondered now if that was really such a great idea. She had unloaded quite a bit of information on him already tonight. "Luke, I think he might be trying something with me."

"What?" Luke looked enraged, shooting up from him bed.

Haley grabbed his arm and pulled him back down. "Calm down. I'll be fine. I shot him down pretty firmly last night."

"Last night?"

"He cornered me at the party," she stated. Well, that was mostly true. He had cornered her in his sneakiest Nathan Scott ways. "And like I said, I pretty much took away his last shred of hope." _After making out with him_, she thought guiltily. "Besides, he was drunk. Actually, it might be better described as absolutely hammered. I don't think he'll remember it."

"What, you putting a stop to him 'trying something' or that he tried something at all? Because I can go clear things up for him if you want."

"Things will be better now," she told him as a whispered promise. "Now that you know, things will be better. It was hard when it was just me and him. But now it's better," she repeated. "Maybe now I can get some sleep."

"Promise me we'll talk more about this later," Lucas said, as she slipped out of his arms and to the other side of the bed.

"I promise," she said and she meant it. She snuggled into the pillow and finally found sleep…because she had finally found some solace.

------------

Haley woke with a jolt. She sat up in Lucas' bed and stared around the room. She immediately noticed that she was alone and glanced at the clock on his bedside table. It said 12:33. She couldn't believe Lucas had let her sleep in that late.

She could hear voices coming from further in the house and she rushed to get dressed. Her mind suddenly seemed clear on exactly what she needed to do and since clarity did not come to her often these days, she knew she needed to act fast. Pulling a Keith Scott Motors hoodie over her head, she left Lucas' room, heading almost immediately for the front door.

Lucas was sitting alone at the table in the kitchen. He looked at her curiously as she buzzed in, definitely on a mission. She stopped in front of him.

"Morning, sleepyhead."

"'Morning," she replied, looking distracted. She rolled her eyes. "Afternoon. I can't believe you let me sleep that late."

"I know you were tired," he replied.

"Yeah. Where's Karen?" she asked, looking around the kitchen.

"Just left to go to the café. But I'm meeting all the guys at the Rivercourt in like thirty minutes. You want to go?"

"Actually—uh, I have somewhere I need to go. But I shouldn't be too long. I'll meet you guys there."

She made her way quickly to the door but halted as she heard his voice behind her. "Where are you going?"

She had been so tantalizingly close to escaping. She turned, her hand already on the door handle, to look at him. "Nathan's."

"Hales--"

"Lucas, I just have to deal with something, ok? That's it."

He gave her what she considered to be a very judgmental once-over, but nodded. "Ok."


	13. Playing to Lose

A/N: I told you guys I'd make the next update quick. The only problem is…I've probably had this chapter finished for a month and not started the next one. I am blocking majorly…like whoa. So hopefully it won't be another month before the next chapter but I want you guys to be forewarned that it's not looking great right now. And the shit's hitting the fan at school next week as far as schoolwork goes, then spring break (BEACH!) so we'll see. I just have a lot going on right now. But I will try to hurry up the next chapter. Thanks guys!

* * *

She could hear the basketball bouncing from a block away; could feel the way it echoed off the surrounding buildings, making its way up the street and to her ears like a beacon signaling she was moving in the right direction. 

_Thump, thump, thump…_

Silence. And she knew he had shot.

She neared his house, walking under the overhang coming from the side of it, finally able to see his swift motions as he continued his routine. She saw him clearly as she came nearer, fetching the ball, dribbling, shooting. So rhythmic. Shoot. Fetch. Repeat. She had always thought he had a certain elegance about him when he played basketball. There was something mesmerizing in the trained way he moved his body. He always found solace in the game.

He stopped, just a beat when he recognized her, but then continued his movements as if nothing in his surroundings had changed. She continued to approach him, passing him by, finally coming to rest directly under his basketball goal and he still would not spare a glance for her. Instead, he shot. The ball slid through the hoop again with a simple _swoosh_ and fell directly into Haley's waiting arms.

His eyes watched her expectantly, seemingly calculating what she would do.

She knew she could be disagreeable and hold the ball until he would speak to her, but that seemed entirely too petty. So, she took the ball and passed it back to him, letting him continue his cycle.

She passed and he shot. She passed and he shot. So it continued for a few more minutes until Haley spoke.

"Headed back already?" She glanced momentarily at his SUV in the driveway, packed with a few bags, before passing the ball back to him.

"Got practice," he responded, continuing to shoot methodically.

"You're mad," she stated simply, gauging his actions as she passed again.

He sighed, shaking his head, releasing the ball again. "Not mad."

"Yes, you are," Haley replied, stepping out from under the basketball hoop to circle around, staring at him. The ball fell through the hoop again, this time without Haley's arms to catch it, dribbled against the cement, and rolled away. He sighed louder as he went to fetch his ball and shoot it up again.

He continued to shoot, still having not given Haley the time of day unless she had the ball in her hands.

She had walked all the way around him now, surveying him, and went to lounge against his car. "Fine. You're not mad. You're pissed. You're livid."

He shot again, but missed for the first time. Haley could easily see his jaw clenched as he kept his impatience held inside. He ran to get the orange ball, shot, and missed again, the ball catching the edge of the hoop and falling back at him mockingly. He caught the ball and held it silently in his hands for a few moments, before slamming it into the ground in what could be called nothing but fury. "Fine, Haley. Why am I mad? Please enlighten me."

She crossed her arms, as she leaned back against his own car, surveying him. It amazed her that after being in the state she had left him in last night, here he was at one o'clock the next day, shooting a basketball. But she had known he would be. That was Nathan Scott, for you. Stubborn and stoic, he wouldn't let a little alcohol stop his routine. He would hardly let anything change his routine.

"You know why," she said, glancing at her toes as his gaze burned a hole in her. "Because of last night."

She chanced a glance at him to see he was still staring. She wanted desperately to read his expression, to get into his head and know exactly what he was thinking; but he was so stoic, cold even. And she knew she was right, there wasn't even a shimmer of a question that he was mad.

"What happened last night?" he questioned lazily, wiping the anger from his face and picking up the ball, shooting, and for the third time, missing. Haley admitted to herself she felt a little pleasure in his curse words after the missed shot.

"Am I in your head now, Nathan?"

He shot, missed again, and did not even bother going to fetch his ball. Instead, he approached Haley, stuffing his hands in his sweatshirt pockets. "I never figured you for the bitchy type, James."

She raised an eyebrow as he stepped a bit closer. "I guess you should stop thinking you know me."

As he continued coming towards her, it occurred to her just what he was going to do. Before she had time to prevent it though, he was close enough to have her virtually pinned against the side of his car, his arms on either side preventing her escape. He leaned down towards her, his head turned slightly in, just above her shoulder. "Familiar, James?"

She stuck her hands up again, toward his chest as she had done the night before, but this time managed to effectively push him away. She left him behind her, going to pick up his ball where it had rolled in the grass. "You weren't quite that confident last night, huh? 'Please stay with me tonight, Haley,'" she intoned, effectively mocking him while dribbling the ball. She didn't know what was bringing out this vindictive side of her, wanting to rub his face in his moments of vulnerability. She knew in the end, it would get her nowhere with him.

He came up behind her again, his hands lightly touching her hips before she could scoot away with his basketball. "That's what I say to all the girls I think are going to screw me. Sorry to rain on your little egotistical parade."

She laughed out loud at that. "_My_ little egotistical parade?! C'mon, Nathan, just admit you're mad and I won't make you look like an idiot."

"So, you really think so much of yourself that getting shot down by you is going to make me mad?"

"Yes, Nathan," Haley replied sarcastically, standing still, holding his basketball up against her hip. She was incredulous anyone could be such a jackass. "I am looking for an ego stroke from you. Because knowing you cried all night to yourself about me makes me feel all giddy inside." She hurled the basketball back at him and he caught it at the last moment, letting a smirk come to his face.

"You were looking for _some_ kind of stroke from me last night, but I don't know about egos." He stepped towards her, handing the basketball back. "Here you go. You dropped this."

"You want to talk about last night?" Haley asked, feeling truly, unbelievably angry now. "Ok. 'Haley, I want it all! I want a family and a son and you're the family I should have and'—ow, Nathan that hurts!"

He had reached up as she spoke and grabbed her wrist hard, provoking her to stop. He flinched as she said he was hurting her though, and let go. She dropped the basketball and it rolled away. She reached out her other hand and rubbed her wrist, and he saw that tears had welled in her eyes. He knew he might as well go drown himself. "Why the hell would you do that?" she asked, in a much less passionate voice. She looked hurt and the doe quality of her eyes stood out more to him now than it ever had before. Usually she was so forceful with him, strutting around with her air of superiority and some secret knowledge she held over him, but she really mesmerized him in moments like this—when he could see the innocence behind her eyes and he knew she couldn't lie to him; knew she had trouble even denying him. He had seen it clearly the previous night. And he had allowed her to see a little of him back. Partly because he couldn't prevent himself in the state he was in; partly because he thought she deserved that much, he owed her that much.

"I didn't mean to," he admitted as she stepped away from him. "I'm sorry, Haley. Wait!" he yelled as she began to walk away. He jogged to catch up with her and step around her, putting his hands on her shoulders to hold her in place, but making sure to not even apply the smallest amount of pressure. "You're right. I was pissed. I'm sorry."

Haley shifted her arms slightly, letting Nathan know to drop his hands from her. He did so, understanding her silent affirmation that he could continue talking. Nathan ran a hand through his hair and Haley could almost feel all of his pent-up frustration. And she knew all of that frustration was directed at her, sexual or otherwise. "I just—I don't know what you want from me, Haley!"

He shouted the last part but immediately looked apologetic for losing his temper again. "I didn't mean that."

She gave him a sad smile. "Yeah, you did."

Nathan stuck his hands in the pocket of his sweatshirt again, looking around uncomfortably. Haley could tell he was trying to ask something but he didn't really want to spit it out. When she saw his eyes on the pavement, she tilted her head slightly, trying to catch his eye, giving him a real, rare, albeit small, smile.

"What?"

He looked up at her, squinting in her direction. "Huh?"

The smile brightened and he noticed. He knew he shouldn't have noticed "What do you want to ask me? You've got that shifty look about you."

"Oh. Dammit, I really hate when you do that," he said, realizing she had read right into his body language.

"Sorry."

"Look," his focus shifted again, his eyes searching out the yard. "Do you want to come in? We can—I don't know, whatever." He looked back toward her. "My dad isn't home yet so it'll be a good time. But I've got to leave for school before he gets back, all right?"

"That's fine," Haley agreed, trying to remain cordial.

"All right." Nathan put his hand up to the back of his head, ruffling his hair uncomfortably, and then turned to lead the way inside. Haley followed him as he led the way in through the side door; her eyes shifted around, taking in the numerous pictures of Nathan and his family lining the walls. And having known Nathan so long, she knew the happy pictures were as fake as the family they displayed.

Nathan stopped and turned to look at Haley. "Do you want to go to my bedroom?"

"Uhm," Haley stopped, totally stricken at the thought of being alone with Nathan in his bedroom, especially after what she had done last night. She fumbled with her hands for a moment before regaining her composure and turning back to look at him. "I'd prefer the kitchen," she said, pointing in its general direction.

Nathan gave her a lopsided smile. "If that's what you want." He continued to make his way through the house, and Haley followed a bit behind him, until they walked into his kitchen. Nathan sat down on one of the stools at the bench style counter, looking up at Haley expectantly. She leaned up against the counter, remaining standing, and ran her fingers through her hair. She felt very odd being this stiff and falsely friendly with Nathan. She really found she preferred the bantering to this nonsense.

"Can I ask you something real quick?" he said, surprising her.

"Uhm—yeah, sure."

"Do you have a tattoo?"

"What?"

"Look, I was really drunk last night and I don't remember everything I said or did, and yeah, I threw up a couple of times this morning so I know I probably imagined some stuff last night, but it's just been bugging me. So, do you have a tattoo of my number or did I imagine that?" He shifted uncomfortably and she knew he hadn't wanted to ask the question at all. She wondered why he needed to know so badly. She wanted it to be because of his ego; she wanted so badly to think that was all he cared about.

It was the perfect chance to lie to him and she knew that. "Yeah, I do," she said instead, turning momentarily and lifting her shirt up just enough for him to see it. To his disappointment, she quickly covered it and turned back around, and he knew why. She didn't really want to share her special tattoo with him. It had been for her Nathan.

"Ok then," he broke through the awkward silence, watching her carefully. "So…"

She looked up at him and the awkwardness of it all forced her to let out a nervous laugh. "Uhm—do you want something to drink?" She left him alone at the bar, going automatically to the cup cabinet and pulling it open, only to find it was stocked with food. She gave Nathan a questioning look.

It took him a moment to catch on and when he did, he looked half-annoyed, half-amused. "They moved everything around in here last year. It took me awhile to get used to it too."

"Oh," Haley replied, slamming the cabinet door shut, feeling flustered. She waved her hands. "Well, I didn't really want a drink anyway."

"Yeah." He sat for a moment in silence and Haley watched the amusement leave his face. "Look, Haley, why did you come over here? What do you want to talk about?"

The subtle change in the tone of his voice to one of annoyance riled Haley quite a bit, but she overlooked it for the moment. Besides, at this point, she almost preferred him to be defensive. She gave up on beating around the bush any longer and sat down on the stool in front of him, putting her head up on her hand to look at him.

"Nathan, I just wanted to apologize."

"_You_ wanted to apologize," he repeated slowly. "For what?"

"Not for last night. I mean, yes, for last night. But not for what pissed you off last night. Leaving was definitely the right move." He rolled his eyes as she continued. "I told you I was imposing this personality on you and trying to use you as a replacement and that's not fair. So I stopped. But that didn't give me a reason to treat you badly. I unloaded a lot onto you and expected you to leave it at that and that wasn't fair either. I know you're not really equipped to deal with this sort of thing and honestly I--"

"What do you mean, 'I'm not equipped to deal with this sort of thing?'" he bit back, interrupting her spiel.

"Well, Nathan, you're not exactly emotionally stable. Any guy who breaks up with his girlfriend of five years and calls for sex has some serious issues, but I assume you realize this."

"Well, thanks, Doctor Phil," Nathan said, getting up from his chair with an angry glint in his eye.

"Nathan, wait," Haley replied, reaching out and grabbing his forearm, as he had done to her on his drunken nights. He stilled and sat back down, her gentle touch abating his anger slightly. "I need to tell you this. I wasn't trying to be your psychiatrist or whatever. I'm sorry."

"I still don't get what you're apologizing for," he admitted.

"I never really stopped to consider your feelings in all this," she finally managed to come up with.

A slight smirk came to his face. "You're concerned about my feelings?"

"Look, you're sober now and I know it's a lot easier for you to put your walls up, but the truth is I've seen that hard, uncaring side of you and I know it's not real. And I'll admit it, I gave up on you, decided you didn't have that side that I already knew you had." She shrugged. "You know, that boy that just wants a family. And if I've somehow teased you or you feel like I've played with you, I just want--"

"Wait up," Nathan said, putting up his hand to signal her to stop. "You think my _feelings_ are hurt? Seriously, Haley?"

Haley rolled her eyes now. "Don't try to play that up with me, Nathan. I'm trying to apologize and tell you it was unfair for me to do what I did. You're going to have to accept it for what it is, take it at face value and move on. I've told Luke about everything, so maybe I can let up on you now. I won't have to put all of this unnecessary pressure on you or make you feel like you have to measure up or whatever it is I'm making you feel that's leading to your drunken rambles. I just wanted to come over here and tell you that to your face; that's all." Haley stood up from her chair, pushing the stool back under the bar and facing him confidently. "I guess I should get going."

Nathan had a slightly glazed-over look on his face and Haley wasn't entirely sure he had even heard what she had said. He seemingly snapped out of it though and crinkled his brow in confusion. "You told Lucas?"

"Yes," she confirmed.

"About everything?"

She nodded.

He blanched slightly. "And he's cool with that?"

"Nathan, look," Haley said, leaning back against the counter towards him. "You should really get to know Lucas. I think you're missing out on an amazing opportunity by denying him as your brother. He's a great guy; I mean, look how readily he believed me."

Nathan stared down at the counter, scraping his nail at a nonexistent spot on it. "Whatever," he murmured. "I believed you first."

"Excuse me?"

"So," he continued, abruptly getting up from his stool as well. "Are we done here?"

"Yes, I mean—I just…Nathan, I probably won't see you again. I don't want to make things difficult for you and there's no need for us to both hurt ourselves in the process. So if there's anything you need to say to me or any lingering feelings or pain I've caused, we just need to put it out there. You can tell me anything you need to."

He looked over her, steady for a moment, his eyes ablaze with passion. He shook his head. "Nothing, Haley. I get drunk and say things to get what I want. I'm not going to lie; part of me wants you. It doesn't change anything, but it is what it is. And you're right, it's better that we don't see each other. I can stop worrying about this bullshit now that your precious Scott brother knows everything. Get back to focusing on my game."

"Nathan, don't be like that." That was all she could really find to say in the moment. Oh, sure, there were _so_ many questions she wanted to ask. Everything he had just said left her emotions up in the air. What did he mean, he wanted her? For sex, to date, for family? If so, why was he so ready to give up that small connection they'd had a chance to make?

Why did she care?

"I need to get going," he replied to her simple statement, not even looking at her, but at the room in the distance. "Before my dad gets home."

"Ok," Haley said, biting her lip nervously. Throwing caution to the wind, she wrapped her arms around Nathan's torso, giving him the briefest of hugs. "Don't sabotage yourself, Nathan. You're better than that." Without another word, Haley turned tail and walked out of the house, up the street, and away from him.

------------

At first glance, she thought no one was even at the Rivercourt and she found herself pouting slightly. Lucas had said they would all be there. The boys that had made her laugh more in the past few days than she had in months, they should be there. They should be there to warm the chill that was sweeping through her soul—the intense pain she didn't even understand.

She wrapped her arms around herself as she surveyed the empty court. Her confrontation with Nathan had hurt her more than she had thought it would. In an odd way, she found as though they had broken up, though the notion that they were dating was ridiculous even to her own ears. She had to admit to herself she hadn't wanted him to be ok with not seeing her. She wanted it to be misery for him; for the things he had said at the Rivercourt and at the beach house to be true. But now she saw she was only fooling herself.

She was better off without him, she just had to be.

But there was a pleasant surprise awaiting her here. She spotted that she was not, as she had previously thought, alone at the Rivercourt. She bopped up to Skills, not able to truly be happy but loving him enough to fake it.

"Well, well, Mr. Taylor, to what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Haley James," he stated, scooting over to allow her room to sit next to him on the picnic table. "Step into my office."

She laughed slightly, taking a seat next to him and nudging him playfully with her leg. "Where are the guys?"

"They went to the café," he said, twirling a basketball in between his index fingers.

"And why didn't you go?" Haley asked.

"I can't be spending money like that, you know. I'm trying to save up to go to college."

"Oh, Skills, that's really great!" Haley enthused. "You deserve to go to college. You deserve to be happy."

"Yeah," he returned, giving her a sad smile. "I'll be that weird old guy in all the classes. And that's just _if_ I ever save enough."

"No, you won't, Skills! If anything, you'll be the cool old guy," she continued, shoving at him slightly. "And I know you'll get there."

"If anybody can put a good spin on things, it's Haley James," Skills returned.

She laughed sarcastically. "I wish. You know, Karen would have given you something to eat."

"I ain't looking for no hand-outs."

Haley looked around contemplatively for a minute. If anyone could understand her situation, it would be Skills. He deserved more, better than what he had gotten. She wished she could give it to him.

"Do you ever wonder if it could have been different, Skills?"

"How's that, H. James?"

She shrugged, gazing off into the distance. "You know," she turned to look at him, "like say, if you had joined the Ravens and you had been great. Then the college scouts would have been interested and you could have gone to college for free and that's where you'd be now. Don't you ever wonder?"

He laughed. "Yeah, that all sounds real good like that. Like that would have ever happened."

"But what if?"

"Naw, Haley, here's what I figure. You can spend all your time wondering about the past. You can stay there forever and never move forward. Or you can say 'this is what I got,' and go with it. If you're always worried about the past, how you ever gonna find what you need in the present? So I ain't got time to worry about the what-ifs. You gotta live in the nows and the chances you take."

Haley was struck by the mildly prophetic words and took a moment to let them sink in completely. "What if you whole life has become one big 'what-if?'" she asked, turning to look at Skills.

Skills studied her seriously for a moment before bursting out laughing. "Man, some of the stuff you white girls come out with sometimes just don't make no sense."

Haley joined in his laugher, trying to leave it all behind. She didn't want to move on and she definitely wasn't ready to let go. How could someone ask her to let go of her true life—of her love for her husband and son? They were questions too big to answer right now. So, for the moment, she would live in the _now_, here with Skills.

He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her into his side and she leant on his shoulder, still giggling. "You'll get it, Skills. I know you will. You'll make all your dreams come true."

"True that," he agreed.

They sat in silence for a few more moments as the January wind swirled around them. Haley couldn't help but thinking that of all the people in the world she could be around right now, Skills seemed to be the most appropriate one. She knew, without a doubt, that he was the one person who belonged in her world just as much as she did. He deserved to get his dreams and she knew it was unfair that because of a stupid basketball game, he had missed out on them.

And because of that basketball game, she—well, she had missed out on so much more.

She shivered as the question loomed larger in her mind than it ever had before.

Was it time to let it go?


	14. Lost With or Without You

A/N: Hi, guys. Remember me, Laurie? Thought I was never coming back?...well at times, I thought that as well :)! But I am back with a new chapter and it feels great to be writing again! Why the hiatus, you ask! Writer's block, dear friends, and a complete disinterest in all that is One Tree Hill now, but not Naley! I still love them with all my little heart. You'll see…in this one we're also going to see everyone, Haley especially, acting a bit more college-y. Mostly because I am in college and throwing some in there, but of course there is plot significance as well

* * *

"So, what's the best birthday present you've ever gotten?"

Haley glanced at Lucas over the top of her car as she exited it, seeing the mischief behind his eyes. He had been teasing all day about the amazing birthday present he had gotten her.

As she thought about it, he ducked back into the car and pulled out several shopping bags he had picked up during their earlier visit to the mall. He had a few bags they had filled together but he had several more mysterious ones he must have picked up when he had needed to go 'visit' a different part of the bookstore than her. As she slammed the door, she thought about his question.

She laughed when the answer came to her. "Last year, for sure. Jamie made me the most ridiculous card. The outside of it was a basketball…so it was round," she explained, demonstrating the shape for Lucas as they walked toward the door to their apartment. "So Nathan had this brilliant idea that they would paint Jamie's basketball and he could dribble it on the inside of the card as a signature. Well, as you can imagine, we ended up with paint all over the carpet." Haley put her hands to her mouth, trying hard not to laugh too much to finish her story. "I wanted so badly to be angry but the whole thing was so ridiculous, I just laughed. Horrible best present, right?" She grinned guiltily in Lucas' direction.

But Lucas was looking at her with something else in his eyes. Maybe a little pity or jealousy or happiness, she had no idea. "It's hard for you, isn't it?"

She sighed. "Of course it is. There's no way to explain the feeling. Like losing everything important in your life and wondering if you'll ever get it back. Or if you should just pick up the pieces."

Lucas stopped about ten feet from their door and looked hard at her. "And how would you do that?"

Haley stopped dead in her tracks too. She didn't speak for a moment, searching for an answer. The air outside was crisp but a clear moon shone back at her. She had been trying, trying so hard to savor every moment, to live. Just a month ago, she had sat at the Rivercourt and Skills had given her the idea that it was time to move on.

Well, she hadn't done that. Not exactly. But she had been trying harder and harder to enjoy the place she was at now. She was working hard in her classes and learning new things. She spent time with Lucas and shared everything with him. She visited Peyton and even got to know the new Brooke. She had thrown herself even further into tutoring and all of her tutees' grades were improving.

But she missed it every day. How could she not?

"I'm finally living life again," she finally told him. She was struck by how true the words were to her. She hadn't lived life in a long time, even before the whole world had turned upside down. Nathan's accident had affected her greatly; she went through the motions every day, even with her son. It had become too painful to face the truth of what her home life was. When had she become a slave to going through the motions?

She sighed. She still hadn't told Lucas about the accident, the cause of the fight that led her to this very moment. She couldn't find it in herself.

"I'm glad. I just hate that I can't make you happy and I am trying, Hales. I'm trying everything I know. I just don't know how to fix this for you."

Haley smiled sadly and shook her head. "You can't. Luke, I honestly have no idea what I would do without you. Everything means so much to me. I would hug you right now…but you have a ridiculous amount of shopping bags in your hands." She laughed again as she began heading back to the door, ready to leave the conversation behind. She reached into her purse and pulled out the key to the apartment.

Lucas followed behind her and grinned back in a ridiculously large manner as she began to turn the key. "So where do you want to eat tonight, birthday girl?"

She pursed her lips, thinking as she pushed the door open.

"SURPIRSE!"

"AHHHHHHHH!!!!" Haley screamed as people jumped out through the darkness.

Haley only had a moment to be horrified as she looked around at all of her friends standing beneath a green banner, bearing the words 'Happy Birthday!' She looked back at Lucas, who was doubled over in silent laughter. "I'm going to kill you," she said through gritted teeth.

Peyton was also laughing, as she approached Haley, giving her a hug and a "happy birthday!" Right up next to her ear, she said, "I'll go get you a drink…"

***********

Haley burst out in another bout of laughter she wished she could control. She took the ping pong ball Lucas was offering her and prepared to take another shot. She went to take it and stopped. She studied the cup she was aiming for carefully again and dribbled. _Just like Nathan would do_, she thought to herself. She couldn't help but smile at the thought and prepared again. She shot and arched her hand perfectly. "Follow through," she said out loud as the ball sailed through the air. With perfect precision, the ball rimmed the edge of the cup and fell in.

A cheer went up from the audience in appreciation for her shot. "You suck, Haley," Chad said from across the table, as he fished the ball out.

"Look, Luke, I'm a college student!" Haley shouted excitedly to her best friend, standing right next to her.

"I'm standing right here, Haley," Lucas said, closing off his ears. "And now we're only losing five to one."

Haley threw her hands up in triumph anyway. "Doesn't matter, my one," she pointed out. "I'm a champ."

"She's a champ!" Brooke yelled from her spot in the front of the crowd. "But I've got next game," she said, threateningly to the other onlookers.

"You can finish this one, I'm already a champ!" Haley told her excitedly. She scuttled away from the kitchen and into the den, spotting Peyton sitting on a couch. She heard Lucas, Marcus, and Chad trying to call her back to the game from the other room, but she decided to ignore them. Instead, she plopped down next to Peyton.

"Peyton, I've never been this drunk before in my life," she whispered to her friend.

"No surprises there," Peyton replied.

"I didn't do this in college," Haley told her.

"You're in college right now, dear."

"I am. Isn't it weird? Like I'm supposed to be living the life I never had the chance to live, right?"

Peyton squinted her eyes at Haley. "Haley, I know you're drunk, but _what_ on God's green earth are you talking about?"

Haley leaned her head onto Peyton's shoulder. "I'm tired, Peyt. Sometimes I feel like I'm acting all the time."

"Acting?" Peyton adjusted her arm so it was drooped over Haley's shoulder. She had no idea if Haley was drunkenly rambling or if every word was an honest admission. She needed to be careful. "How?"

"For Lucas. So he thinks I'm ok. I am ok," she assured her, nodding against her shoulder. "It's just all these people. All this pressure to be their Haley. This party just makes it harder. I'm trying, but can I really be this?"

"Be what?"

Haley felt her heart drop a little. She pulled her head back and looked longer at Peyton. "_This _Haley. And without him. I haven't talked to him in a month."

"What? Talked to who?" Peyton felt truly invested in the conversation. She knew Haley wasn't quite sure what she was saying but she was definitely saying something. Peyton felt a deep urge to help her new friend. She knew what it felt like to be trapped. "Is this about Lucas? Maybe you should talk to him."

Haley was no longer really listening. She was stuck in a world, drunken or not, simply trying to make sense for herself. "That's good, right? Moving on. I'm moving on. Maybe this isn't my life now…but it's my life for now. Look, I'm just a regular college kid. I've never been that before." Frown lines became apparent on Haley's face and without knowing what she was doing, Peyton reached her hand up to touch Haley's cheek.

"Are you ok?"

Haley put her head down, to where Peyton could no longer see her eyes. However, she felt a single tear slide down, caressing her finger and then her palm. "Don't miss him. Don't think about him. He's not. He can't be. He doesn't care," Haley chanted, so low Peyton barely could make out what she was saying.

"Hales…"

Haley looked up again quickly and wiped away the trail the tear had left. "Don't tell Lucas. He hates him," Haley said, grabbing Peyton's forearm from her face. "You promise?"

Peyton's brow furrowed but she was too concerned to question her anymore. "I promise, Haley."

"Lucas!" Haley shouted, immediately dropping her seriousness for a smile.

Lucas appeared over Peyton's shoulder, laughing, and scooped Haley up from the couch. She wrapped her arms around him and barely managed not to hit the ground as she stumbled up. "Did we win?"

"I think you need to put her to bed," Peyton told him behind her shoulder. Lucas nodded to this suggestion.

"Haley, I think it's your bed time."

"Where's my phone?" she asked worriedly as Lucas began to escort her toward the back of their apartment.

"In your pocket," he replied, trying to hide a smile.

Lucas let go of her to open the bedroom door and she fished her phone out of her pocket. She flipped it open and squinted at the screen.

"What are you doing?" Lucas asked, trying to gently push her towards her bed.

She sat down and pulled him down next to her. "I can't remember his number."

"What?" He looked at the front screen of her phone, where she was typing in random numbers.

"I thought I would never forget it as much as he called," she complained, trying to come up with the correct combination and constantly erasing. "Luke," she turned to look at him desperately. "I just can't remember it."

"Nathan." He wasn't asking.

"A month."

"Excuse me?"

"It's been a month since we last talked. Twenty-seven days. He really doesn't need me."

"You don't need him."

Haley shook her head. "No, not about needing. It's about wanting. It's about that empty place where he should be. It's him. Isn't it?"

Lucas didn't know what to say. He had a hard time ever understanding what was going on anymore but looking into his eyes, even in the darkness, she knew he knew he was wrong about Nathan. She leaned into him further as he put his arm around her.

"I just thought he would come back. I never thought we could stay apart."

"Hales, maybe he doesn't know how to come back," Lucas suggested. "He's had all these years without you. Maybe he doesn't need you. Maybe he can't come back because it's not right."

Haley slammed her phone shut in frustration. "You're siding with him now?" She threw the phone across the room and it slammed rather violently into the wall. Haley felt better at its demise. It had provided useless in her time of need.

"Haley!" Lucas jumped up from his spot to where she had thrown the phone, looking to see if the damage was repairable. Haley prayed it wasn't.

"Stupid phone deserves to die," she muttered, crossing her arms.

Lucas sighed, picking up the pieces of her phone and placing them on her bedside table. As her eyes adjusted to the darkness, Haley could see the frustration on her face. She knew she had caused it but seemed unable to feel the guilt she knew she should. The alcohol was hindering her emotions and bringing out a side she was terrified to let anyone see. Deep down, she knew it, but there was no way to stop it.

Lucas came to stand in front of her. "Hales, I just wanted for you to have a good birthday. Tell me what I did wrong." He even sounded a little desperate, she thought.

"Nothing will ever be right here," she returned.

Lucas looked pained, as he squatted down in front of her, putting his hands on her thighs. "You said you were trying, Haley. You said you could build a life here and I'm trying to help you. We can figure this out."

"Lucas, _look at me_. I'm a twenty-two year-old college student. I'm drunk at my birthday party, attempting to make drunk dials to a boy who doesn't even want me. There's nothing special about me anymore. I'm average, just like everybody else. My life is nothing."

"So, I'm nothing." Even though he sounded mostly hurt, Haley was able to easily detect the anger in his voice. She knew she should stop herself from going on, but she couldn't. The words were too real, too there. The pain was too raw and fresh.

She looked him square in the eyes. "I _hate_ it here." She felt the venom dripping off every word. It was hard to believe the words were even coming out of her mouth but she finally felt real. She felt the life in every flick of her tongue, the confidence in saying what was real. She was tired of hiding.

Lucas' jaw clenched in a way that was so Nathan-like, Haley almost wanted to cry. He took his hands off her, stood up from his kneeling position, and stepped back, an angry fire in his eyes that was most uncharacteristic of him. Haley felt more satisfaction in this. "You know how hard I'm trying. You're being selfish!"

"You have _forbidden_ me from the one person who makes me feel like myself again. You make me feel like some sort of criminal for wanting to be around him. You, Peyton, everybody! You're the selfish one!"

They stared at each other in silence for a moment. Haley immediately saw Lucas trying to reel himself in, remembering she was drunk and alone and sad. A frustrated hand swept through his hair as he tried to regain composure. "Where is this coming from? You said you ended it. you said he didn't want you in his life and you were both better off."

Haley felt some of her fire immediately leave her. She looked down at her hands. "He doesn't," she whispered to her wedding ring.

She could hear the triumph in his next words: "Then why is it all about him?"

Haley shrugged, looking up to find his eyes again using only the moonlight shining in through her blinds. "Because he's the only thing that made me special."

Lucas pointed an accusatory finger at her. "If you believe that, you're not the girl I thought you were. You're not the same Haley I knew."

Haley got up from the bed and glared back at him. "You don't know me." She turned away then, reaching down into her wardrobe on the opposite wall, pretending to look for a pair of pajamas, but really just waiting on him to leave.

She could feel him staring at her back and heard his words carrying across the room, seeing them in her mind's eye floating from his mouth to her ear, maybe being heard by the broken phone. The only line of communication she had with him, lost…with both of them.

"Haley, I can't be mad at you, but that's all I feel right now. I'm just going to go. We'll talk later. Happy birthday." She heard him turn and exit the room and the door close softly behind her. Breathing a sigh of relief, she pushed the drawer she had been perusing closed and got into bed without taking off her clothes, laying stomach down, to be swallowed by frustration.

She put her face into her pillow and let out a muffled scream. "Being drunk sucks," she muttered into her pillow. She turned her face over, staring at the broken phone on her bedside table. Her head spun for a moment and it came to her. "919-378-0208."

It wasn't like it mattered anymore anyway. What good would calling him have honestly done? None. She closed her eyes, fishing for one good Nathan memory. She closed her eyes and rode away with it.

_Beach house…winter time. Him kissing her against the shelf, her legs around his waist. Drunkenly stumbling toward the bed. "I've missed you, Nathan."_

Her eyes shot open. That wasn't the right memory. That was _this _Nathan. That was all wrong.

She wanted to scream all over again. She hadn't felt this young and ridiculous since…well, since she had fallen in love for the first and only time.

None of it was right…none of it would ever be right.

And she had hurt Lucas, but she couldn't do it anymore. She couldn't be _his_ Haley.

Not when it wasn't right. "What is right?"

_Nathan_.

"He's gone."

Hearing her own voice speak the words crushed her more than anything. What good was moving on if it was only to be hung up on some twisted version of _her _Nathan?

Her head spun. Did she really want him?

_It doesn't matter_, she thought firmly.

She buried her face in the pillow again. No wonder she had been so ready to become another college student dependent on an alcoholic crutch tonight. In the last month, she had been subduing so much of herself, pretending to "savor" moments. When she finally spoke the truth, she was alive. When she stopped crying, she was living.

But she couldn't go after Nathan. Not when she had promised him she would leave him alone; when he had said that was what he truly wanted.

But maybe…

She shook her head. No maybes.

"He doesn't want you, he doesn't want you…"

She fell asleep chanting her mantra.

* * *

A/N: So there we have it. I don't feel like it's exactly coming back with a bang but it may take some time before I can be right back to where I was. I don't know when the next chapter will be, but I'm hoping never this long again; less than six months :) I am sure.

If you're wondering why it takes me so long to churn out chapters now, it is a variety of things. School, work, a little too much partying. But it wasn't all fun and games…I did research. About this time last year I started seeing a cocky, alcoholic, annoying college athlete and it's been nothing if not complicated ever since. See, me and Haley have a type. Haha, sorry for the ridiculously long author's note, but I hope you all understand my long absence but also that I have a commitment to getting this story finished. Let me know what you thought of the chapter. All things good, Laurie


End file.
